No not have a party or a holiday abroad for my 50th birthday

[CoffeeCakeCreamy]

I'm 50 in November. I've planned a family dinner in a restaurant a few days beforehand and another meal in a really nice restaurant with my siblings on the day itself, then later in the month with friends. Will buy myself something nice. I'm happy with this, but some people seem to think I should be doing more - a party, big holiday or something.

AIBU to be happy to celebrate like this?

This is sad. That you think you don’t mean anything I mean. I often don’t see people on my actual birthday - everyone is busy, I don’t see it as a reflection on me. Your friend is being a bit crap, though I agree.
As for the in between birthdays being ‘just another day’ - stop that! Do something fun on them!

You're already having 3 events, which in my book is 3 too many. I really don't understand adults who make a fuss about their own birthdays - the vanity! What makes them think that they are so important?

I was 60 this year, spent it on my own away from home and completely ignored it. Not a single soul wished me happy birthday - it was fabulous.

The point is - that was my choice. So, OP, you can do whatever you want as well - it's entirely up to you.

Both DH and I are 50 next year and we have nothing extra planned . We will go out for a meal and we will have a nice family holiday but we still have young DC so won’t be heading off anywhere on a couples holiday. I’m not into a big drama just because it’s a 40th or 50th or whatever I think it’s really about how you all treat each other on a day to day basis. Like buying nice chocolate you know the person likes if you know they are stressed or whatever. DH brought me some nice flowers last week as he knew the DC had driven me mad that day. DS was born a few weeks after my 39th birthday and while that’s not a milestone I was exhausted and miserable do DH got his Bil who is a chef to help prep a lovely birthday tea party for me and sil snd my own sister and nephews were all there to surprise me when I got home from work and it was one of my nicest evenings ever .

That was your choice, indeed.
So if I refrain from calling you a curmudgeonly misery guts for choosing that can you refrain from calling people who do celebrate vain?
Honestly, what makes someone on their birthday important to me is that I care about them ahd it’s day in the year (arbitrary, I know, and I do show I care at other times to) that I can show it and make a fuss of them. Most people feel like this, so when we invite friends to celebrate our birthday with us we assume they will come in that spirit. Adults are allowed to have fun and even to sometimes want people to celebrate their existence!

I didn’t know we were supposed to have holidays for big birthdays! Now i have 5 months to plan one for the big 5 0 !

But in general I usually use my birthday to make all my friends go to the pub on the same day as they make more effort when there is a reason eg birthday. I would hate to have to organise a proper party.

You aren’t supposed to. You are just allowed to if you want to. I agree about the people making more effort to be there if it’s a birthday.

Wow this puts me off organising any more parties - here I was thinking people were enjoying themselves and this thread makes me think some people are sniping behind my back about me being self obsessed and vain!
The comment from a pp about her ‘best friend’ was horrid, and so miserable it’s actually depressing. She invited who she thought is her best friend to celebrate her birthday and her first thought was that she was trying to get everyone to see how fabulous she was?? Really??? I would hope my best friends DO think I’m fabulous and love coming to have a party. Jesus that’s beyond depressing and I think you need some new friends. Or they do, actually.

Do you usually struggle to make decisions and need the help of strangers? Do what you want. No one else cares what you do.

@eyespartyparty I know! God forbid my "best friend" talks about me behind my back like that. Please have big parties! My sister and two of my three best friends love a big birthday party and I love going to them, it's a great opportunity to see people and give your loved ones a big fuss 😍

I was about 5/6 when I learned that I really don’t like parties so Yabu for it to take 50 years imo. I don’t know why people get so curmudgeonly about adult birthdays - I think people can do what they like. I usually have a nice meal with my family and often a day out with my bestie where she will treat me and something with my sister and I take a cake to work. I don’t want a “party” as such because I don’t like parties, not because I think I’m a trash human who doesn’t deserve anything nice. I do think I’m important, not sure why people don’t think they are important. I’ve seen plenty of threads where adults have had birthdays and their crap families couldn’t even be arsed to make them a meal or even buy a supermarket cake at zero effort and I think it’s sad.

It's your birthday you celebrate it however you like 😊 I hate parties and never have them ❤️

Yanbu. I didn't do anything for my 50th (or 40th, or 30th etc).
I had the day off work, went to the tip and the gym and wagamama for tea.

Not RTFT OP but I 100% abso fucking lutely agree with you.

I was 50 in September and the constant pressure from everyone to have extravagant celebrations which cost the earth is astounding. I did a few nice things and treated myself to some beautiful items and that was enough.

Your plans not only sound lovely but they sound meaningful too.

Happy Birthday for November?

Are you planning a big bash? ….. 😄

Why on earth is she your best friend? You sound like you can’t stick her.

This.

We went to New York the year I turned 50, it was booked before I’d even made the connection. I just kept telling people it was for my 50th to shut them up. I love going to other people’s parties but absolutely don’t want one for myself.

You’re not really grasping the concept of an advice forum, are you?

The best birthday for you will be the one you spend doing whatever makes you happy. It's not anyone else's business.

I had mine on my own in lockdown, It was so peaceful & reflective.

How good to read of your plans, OP. Not falling for the nonsense of 'big birthdays', which are an attempt to get people to spend more money instead of wisely investing in things they can benefit from every day.

Or people can have a blow out and lots of fun if they want. I don’t like organising parties so I don’t, but I do go out for nice meals with people I like and buy myself impractical things or go on hols if I want to. Not everybody does something because someone is pressuring them.

Your birthday your call. I will be 50 soon and plan nothing. I don't even have anyone to invite. I will just get myself something nice. 🤷

Not everything is a conspiracy (by who? Clinton cards?) - some people just like celebrations. Some don't. Both opinions are completely pedestrian and fine.

This is Mumsnet. Where you are not allowed to celebrate birthdays once you stop being a child! It is the home of the terminally resentful, friendless and joyless.

OP celebrate how you want of course!. I have one friend who did nothing, several who did various small dinners and an equal number who did big 50th parties. All were happy and nobody was judged. Enjoy your plans!

Do you have children? Did you ever organise a party for them?