No not have a party or a holiday abroad for my 50th birthday

[CoffeeCakeCreamy]

I'm 50 in November. I've planned a family dinner in a restaurant a few days beforehand and another meal in a really nice restaurant with my siblings on the day itself, then later in the month with friends. Will buy myself something nice. I'm happy with this, but some people seem to think I should be doing more - a party, big holiday or something.

AIBU to be happy to celebrate like this?

I have friends who make an enormous fuss about their own birthday which makes me cringe. Others like me are happy with a card and a bunch of flowers.
You are already planning two nights out which seems like somewhere in between.

Thats sad/weird it makes you cringe

It’s your birthday so do what you want . Not sure why you’re concerned about it tbh

Sounds perfect and exactly what you want to do.

I didn't celebrate with any friends or wider family as I didn't want to be 50 🤣 I took me, DP and DC to the Maldives as that was what I wanted to do.

I have friends who make an enormous fuss about their own birthday which makes me cringe.
Why go you cringe that people are planning to have fun and enjoy themselves on their birthday?

Do what makes you happy!! It’s your birthday and you get to do what you want…

Of course you’re not being unreasonable - you should do whatever you want on your birthday. I don’t even remember what I did for my 50th so I assume we just got a takeaway. I would have really hated a big party.

Do what you want to do for your birthday.

I honestly don't see why people should be badgering you into celebrating YOUR birthday in a way you don't want .

It's absolutely ridiculous that so called adults think they need multiple parties, holidays and expensive presents just to tell the world it's the anniversary of the day they were born. It smacks of self obsession and self importance.

Fwiw it sounds as though you have got a nice balanced way of marking the occasion planned.: a family celebratory meal, a celebatory meal with your friends. And a treat for yourself.

So why let other people try and tell you how to organise your life?

Your birthday your choice.

Im 60 next month and just inviting people to come to a pub we frequent the nearest Saturday. I can’t be doing with fuss and drama

Just tell people it’s what YOU want to do end of story.

Perhaps because making an enormous fuss about their birthday and by implication expecting other people to make an enormous of them says something about their self obsession?

What a weird reaction to someone else’s preference.

We had a big family holiday for my 50th, but I didn't want a party. Ultimately, just do what you are comfortable doing, but don't knock other people for celebrating in their own way.

I also cringe at people who make a big fuss of their birthday and have a “birthday week”
it’s all for attention like they are the only people in the world to have their birthday around that time .
I don’t personally understand birthdays . Ok it was the day you was born but I don’t get the big deal 🤣 so I can never understand why other people make a fuss.
but then I don’t like attention or the focus being on me . i would die if anyone did me a surprise birthday party and I had to go round the room thanking people and them wanting hugs and me having to pretend how happy I am 🤮

ok I have issues lmao !

You don’t have to be self obsessed to want to have a big party with your friends! I mean, parties arent my thing, but when people invite me to one I don’t think ‘oh dear, how self obsessed of them’.

I’m currently on a really nice family holiday abroad for this reason. But only because I wanted to do that. You should do what you want to do OP.

Again a weird response to someone doing whatever they like for their own birthday.

The churlishness of some posters on this site regarding adult birthdays is astounding.

And, no, I don’t expect a big fuss on my birthday, I just don’t want to police anyone else who does.

Haha I had a birthday year for my 40th with multiple trips. As a result we have lots of lovely memories or trips and special moments. Cringe all you like, I’m too busy loving life to be turning my nose up at other people’s choices.

As for the op, do what makes you happy. Sounds like you have a lovely plan that is what you want, and that’s what matters. Who cares what anyone else thinks.

I don't get the fuss about Christmas celebrating the birth of a random baby nobody knew sometime in September.
At least your birthday is your special day and not a baby you didn't even know.

I had a big party for my 50th, and loved it. DH had a small dinner with friends at home, and we both loved that too.
There is no one way to celebrate, I would just tell those who complain about your arrangements that they can feel free to celebrate their birthdays, Christmases, Bar mitzvah, Christenings any way they like.

Yet I do 🤣
My best friend was having one earlier this year for a big birthday and she’s quite in your face and loud when she’s excited and I was actually dreading going . I had to force myself to go coz I could imagine her being all over the top coz it was allllll about her and look at all the people who she can make think shes amazing …
the self indulgence that parties bring makes me cringe 🤣🤣

Having a birthday party is one thing. In fact normal for a lot of people.

Having multiple parties and also holidays to celebrate a birthday is quite another.

There was a thread on MN earlier this year where where someone's relative was having MULTIPLE holidays to celebrate a birthday and expected the OP's H to be on all of them even though he had a very young child and family responsibilities.

If that isn't total overkill and self obsession i don't know what is.

It makes me cringe too. It's like saying 'Everyone should celebrate me! Look how important I am!'

I know people like this. They're also people who find it hard to see the perspectives of others (not understanding why everyone doesn't think like them). The purveyors of selfies on social media.

If you're an attention seeker, that's fine. But we're not all like that. Some of us don't want to be the centre of attention. Think of it as a positive. More limelight for those that want it.

This! People are different and like different things. I can’t see what’s cringy about it. I hate parties and do very simple things for my birthdays. A meal with my DP in a nice restaurant is perfect for me. Other people wouldn’t enjoy this. If a friend throws a party for a big birthday I see it as a completely normal thing to do ( just not something I do myself), I appreciate the invite and make an effort to show up even though I’m very much not a party person. It doesn’t mean they are self obsessed! ( although one person I know did take it to extremes planning literally weeks of events for her 40th and expecting people to spend a fortune on weekend trips to luxury hotels. Not a friend of mine and generally quite a narcissistic person)

I don't see how it's being churlish to find self importance and self obsession distinctly off putting. Especially because of the onus these people put on others to attend these functions and give gifts they may not be able to afford.

Of couse they can do what they like for their birthdays but I reserve the right to think it's self centered and unattractive.