Men suggesting home dates early on

[Sunshine386]

I met a guy online, been on a couple of dates in pubs, seem to get on well and have kissed at the end of both dates. He seems to be looking for something longer term.

Thing is, he is really pushing for home dates. He even suggested it as an option for the second date, saying he could come to mine to cook or I could go to his, but he also suggested pub dates which we did. There is some distance between where we live so I don't know if that's partly why he suggested coming to mine to make things easier for me. However I was taken aback by the suggestion this early on.

I am all for this intimacy if I'm seeing someone for a bit, but it's been two meetings, and I am in the phase where I want to get to know someone over a few dates and see if they are the right fit. He's suggested home dates again for a third meeting but also given a meal out as an option, saying home dates are a good way of getting to know each other. He looked slightly put out when I wanted to go out somewhere. He also said he's away dog sitting for a couple of days at another house and even suggested casually that I could go there with him.

Would anyone else find this a little pushy this early on and off putting, and like he is trying to rush things? Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light. For me I would want to be inviting someone from online for a home date maybe 5th or 6th date minimum

Because most women do not want to be used for sex and thrown away. The poster wants a relationship

I don't think hes for you. Go with what your gut is telling you. Its a shame but you'll be the poster asking why are you being ghosted after an amazing home date. I think a more compatible match is out there for you.

It’s far more normal especially with OLD for women to pay their way in dating - although many men refuse, mist decent women at least offer to contribute.

But saying women are "used for sex" devalues women.

You are decribing the man as the human and the woman as an object.

Two people have sex.

I have never felt used for sex as i only have sex when i want it, i dont have sex when i dont want it.

I also dont think that having sex with a man means that he must be in a relationship with me.

i also dont get hurt if a man moves on after dates and sex. He is allowed to move on if he wants. The same as i am allowed to break up and move on with him if i want.
If he moves on, i just move onto the next man. There are plenty of men out there.

I think some women on here need to change their mindset

Might be for you. I have moral, personal and !!!! -hygienic standards and do not regard my body as meat given to complete strangers.

Presenting your old self as someone with no standards, boundaries and open zip to every Joe down the road is very unflattering

Honestly? I expect that he is dating a few women and is finding it really expensive - a friend (who earns good money) said the early days of dating (he was recently divorced) cost loads.

It’s fair enough if he is dating more than one woman (it’s early days and you aren’t in a relationship) and it’s also fair enough if you aren’t ready for a “home date” yet. It would put me off because “home dates” are what you do when you are in a settled relationship, they are not that exciting.

I agree, but there are activities to engage in (that I listed upthread) that are either free or don't cost much.

This says a lot about the opinion this man has about the OP and women in general, doesn't it. Sex for the sake of it, everywhere, why not even in a bush

From what you've said, it sounds like he's either skint or just tight with money.

Either way, whether it's money related or wanting sex, he's got your guard up, which is a red flag. I'd just cut and run this early on.

Lol
Eh what? I didnt say that you had to have sex with everyone.

I said " have sex with who you want. And dont have sex with you don't want to.

Are you saying that i have no boundaries and I open my zip to every joe down the road?

Wow. Just wow. That tells me everything i need to know about you.

What does it matter how much sexual partners a woman has. Who are you to judge another woman. I never let myself be judged or slut shamed by other women.

There was one time that i didnt have sex for two years. Would i have been acceptable to you then?
There was ony year when i had sex with five people throughout the whole year. Would i not have been acceptable to you then? Why ? Why does it matter? Isnt it my choice?

I am now having sex with one man.

So don't say to me that i am opening my zip to every joe down the road.

Grow up. What a disgusting post

Are you saying I don't have moral personal and hygienic standards?

I haven't even written how many men ive had sex with.

You seem to think that me having sex AT ALL with a man who doesn't want to marry me,

makes me a slut -and that i have low moral , personal and low hygienic standards.

Wow, is this the 1800s?

I think it's some women on here that need to change their mindset.

They seem to think sex as something that they give, and something that a man takes.

Sex is actually an equal thing.

Some Posters have also been convinced by society that casual sex is bad. And they cant have casual sex as this would make them a slut. That is not true.

These posters also seem to see sex as their most prized value, and so are worried about giving it up, as they think if they give it up, he wont stay around.

That will just get you into a worried state of thinking. See sex as an equal thing

Sec isn’t a moral issue, as long as everyone involved is free and consenting. Or, a hygienic one, either, unless you’re having unprotected sex.

I don't think it's your place to tell other women that they need to change their mindset.

Women behave in the way they want when dating and it's neither "right" nor "wrong".

IMO it's not wise for people to get into a new sexual relationship with anyone without an STD test first - why take a chance on contracting a disease that could kill you?

So you should think the same about what that poster said to me. That its "not her place" to say what she said to me.

She said that i have low personal, moral and hygienic standards, and that i open my zip to every joe down the road!

I don't think i've ever been insulted as badly in my life.

I have one sexual partner actually. And i have been seeing him for six months

But apparantly i am opening my zip to every joe down the road!

Wow. So nasty

After two dates?? I wouldn’t call that “dating”, just someone you met twice!

Also if the woman is allowed to behave how she wants and is not right or wrong.

Why is the man that the OP is seeing "wrong" for behaving how he wants to behave?

Seems to be a lot of double standarda on here

This is a forum where people exchange ideas/opinions and won't always agree.

If you think the post was inappropriate then report it to MN HQ

But who is judging the timeline? Surely its different for everyone. However they feel comfortable.

I know a couple who had sex on the first date and are have now been together for six years.

Yeah for me this would be very early for dates at home.
I suppose he might be struggling for money. But my gut would be telling me he’s hoping for sex.

You are contradicting yourself.

You just told me its not my place to tell someone else to change their mindset.

Then you wrote - this is a forum where not everyone will agree.

You told me its not ok for me to disagree with others, yet when someone insults me you wrote "well not everyone will agree with you".

Okay then. I just wont listen to you as you are contradicting yourself.

I am curious as to how you know so much about other peoples' dating/sex lives?

I preferred to keep mine private when I was dating !

OK fine. 🙂

I don’t think he’s the man for you.