Men suggesting home dates early on

[Sunshine386]

I met a guy online, been on a couple of dates in pubs, seem to get on well and have kissed at the end of both dates. He seems to be looking for something longer term.

Thing is, he is really pushing for home dates. He even suggested it as an option for the second date, saying he could come to mine to cook or I could go to his, but he also suggested pub dates which we did. There is some distance between where we live so I don't know if that's partly why he suggested coming to mine to make things easier for me. However I was taken aback by the suggestion this early on.

I am all for this intimacy if I'm seeing someone for a bit, but it's been two meetings, and I am in the phase where I want to get to know someone over a few dates and see if they are the right fit. He's suggested home dates again for a third meeting but also given a meal out as an option, saying home dates are a good way of getting to know each other. He looked slightly put out when I wanted to go out somewhere. He also said he's away dog sitting for a couple of days at another house and even suggested casually that I could go there with him.

Would anyone else find this a little pushy this early on and off putting, and like he is trying to rush things? Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light. For me I would want to be inviting someone from online for a home date maybe 5th or 6th date minimum

It also wouldn't have occurred to me to be surprised, let alone offended, that a man I was dating wanted to have sex with me.

This. I was the biggest prude in the world when dating, and I still wouldn't have been offended by the suggestion of having a date at home. Presumably he's attracted to OP and wants to sleep with her at some point - some women are ready after the first date, some after the tenth, but there's no way of knowing which type OP is without asking.

Just say no until you're ready. There's really no need for any drama here.

You prefer to keep it private.

Again, everyone is different.

I have close female friends who have never told me anything about sex life.

I have other female friends, who tell me a lot about their sex life.

The issue is men aren't looking for dating, it's just sex they want. So why would you go to his house when he could rape you.... Plus it suggests you want sex (to some men).

He wants sex. I would ask him, if we are meeting at mine or yours are you expecting that we have sex? So that's blunt but why waste time, if he's not for you move on.

I did an at home date for a second date with my now husband, I cooked us food. I'm actually a terrible cook but somehow managed to make something edible as we had date 3 and so on. We met online and did sleep together after the first date though and we chatted a lot. We were mid 20s and both skint so cheap at home date worked out well.

If you aren't comfortable though, don't do it. Just be clear and firm about it so he fully understands and doesn't try weedle another way into your house. If he's a decent guy, he'll respect your no and drop it.

Editing to add we did online dating 12 years ago, just before Tinder and it was a shit show then so I assume it's an absolute cesspit now.

I thought you weren't going to listen to me as I am (in your opinion) 'contradictory.'

Now who's contradicting themself ? 🤔

Don't be ridiculous, you can't lump all men together as one homogeneous group.

Writing a man off for potentially wanting to have sex with someone he's dating is absurd. Of course he probably wants sex. OP isn't obligated to agree, and if she gets offended at the mere thought of it, probably needs to get off the dating apps.

I won't dignify the rape comment with a response.

Oh grow up. I said i wasnt going to listen to you when you were talking about ME. You wrote a comment about other women and i replied to that

@namechangetheworld "I won't dignify the rape comment with a response."

Why not?

Rape is not a joke

6 out of 7 women are raped by people they know. (Rape crisis centre)

rapecrisis.org.uk/get-informed/statistics-sexual-violence/

With good reason! Op has said no and he is ignoring that.

OP, expect a good few more dates out even if they are just walks and coffee and talk talk and talk some more.

If you go to his, go for lunch and have an appointment you must not miss at three.

Go at your own pace. If he loses interest then that is on him.

In my opinion, Its sad how many women on here think that casual sex is bad, and that it will make them look bad. Its sad How many women count datesn and think that they must carefully not give up sex until the fifth date.

Because I dont think it is their own thoughts. It is society's thoughts.

Men at the top of society have carefully created a society where men can have sex with whoever they want, while women still they shamed women for having sex. They invented an insult for a woman who has sex with more than one husband in her whole life. Slut. Ive heard men say that women who have had sex with more than three men in her life is a slut. They want women to be virgins while they have sex with hundreds of women. Its control

Some men have instilled thoughts into a lot of women - that womens worth comes from not having sex. That a woman is worth more, by the less sex she has.

Its a load of bullshit and it was used by men to control women in the past. Men got jealous if women had sex with anyone else, so these men called women sluts to control them

Incorrect.

Here's my post which was about you - not other women

"I am curious as to how you know so much about other peoples' dating/sex lives?
I preferred to keep mine private when I was dating !"

You wrote "OTHER PEOPLES DATING LIVES."

It was about other people.

I am correct.

Unless your stats directly relate to 6 out of 7 women being raped by men after meeting on a dating app and then agreeing to have a date at their house, it's irrelevant. If he wanted to rape her he wouldn't have to lure her back to his house.

It's as absurd as saying "why even risk speaking to a man, he might end up raping you."

I think we generally assume it's a given that the men we're dating would like sex. The question is whether it's overshadowing the rest of it and whether we're being rushed, and whether he's being low effort about it.

@namechangetheworld It's as absurd as saying 'why even risk speaking to a man, he might end up raping you."

Now that is absurd ^ !

I disagree

I said -

"I am curious as to how you know so much about other peoples' dating/sex lives?"

It was about you

OP made it pretty clear that this man suggested a home date OR a date elsewhere. It doesn't sound remotely pushy. At worst, he's testing the waters to see if OP is up for a shag, like the majority of men would given half the chance. She isn't (I wouldn't be either, after two dates) and is capable of saying no.

Right we have both said our opinion on the post. Lets move on.

Who cares?

The red flag is wanting to go to someone's house after 2 dates.

Have you even read OP’s posts?

She literally says ‘he is really pushing for home dates’ and that he looked ‘put out’ when IP said she wants to go out.

She also feels he is trying to ‘rush things’ and to be ‘intense’.

Is it?

The guy that I am seeing now - I brought him home on a second date.

We are still seeing each other six months later.

Can i ask you - in your opiniom. how many dates do you think is needed before he comes home.

3, 4, 5? Or wait a month? What"s your standard?

Yes. She wrote that he gave her options of other things to do

It's one or more of the three "S's"

Sex
Skint
Scary

It's a vulnerable position I wouldn't put myself in after about 4 hours of physically talking to someone.

No chance. His pushiness would activate more resistance from me, in fact. I’d just say ‘I don’t invite men I still don’t know particularly well back to my house! When I’m ready, I’ll invite you!’