Page 7 | Men suggesting home dates early on

Sunshine386 · 2025-10-18T08:44:06+00:00

I met a guy online, been on a couple of dates in pubs, seem to get on well and have kissed at the end of both dates. He seems to be looking for something longer term. Thing is, he is really pushing for home dates. He even suggested it as an option for the second date, saying he could come to mine to cook or I could go to his, but he also suggested pub dates which we did. There is some distance between where we live so I don't know if that's partly why he suggested coming to mine to make things easier for me. However I was taken aback by the suggestion this early on. I am all for this intimacy if I'm seeing someone for a bit, but it's been two meetings, and I am in the phase where I want to get to know someone over a few dates and see if they are the right fit. He's suggested home dates again for a third meeting but also given a meal out as an option, saying home dates are a good way of getting to know each other. He looked slightly put out when I wanted to go out somewhere. He also said he's away dog sitting for a couple of days at another house and even suggested casually that I could go there with him. Would anyone else find this a little pushy this early on and off putting, and like he is trying to rush things? Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light. For me I would want to be inviting someone from online for a home date maybe 5th or 6th date minimum

neveragainmilly · 18/10/2025 13:47

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/10/2025 13:40

I remember meeting one guy - it was only the second time we'd met and I had arranged to phone a friend when I arrived at the pub where we were meeting just to be safe. I was actually on the phone to her as I got out of my car and walked across to where he was sitting outside. I apologised for being on the phone and told him that I'd just rung a friend to say I'd arrived. He said 'do you always have to phone someone when you go somewhere?' and I knew it was doomed. He just didn't understand how vulnerable a woman is when meeting an unknown man away from home.

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It's quite weird to tell him and be so visual about what you are doing....

Checking in with a friend is fine but I would feel a bit weird going to a public place and having to tell him "oh just letting my friend know I'm here and I'm telling you that as well".

YoureNotGoingOutLikeThat · 18/10/2025 13:48

AquaForce · 18/10/2025 13:45

I've struggled to get past a third date as I won't 'home date' (shag) that early. Some were quite vocal about it.

One said that if I didn't guarantee up front to shag on the next (second) date, he wasn't wasting any more time on me. Some have been exasperated at me refusing to take them home after a first date. I was once told it was like dating a teenager and was ditched after date number two. I nearly choked at dinner when one asked when I thought we'd start having sex.

I hardly knew any of these men. I refuse to be nudged into something I don't want to do. I'm not taking a stranger home or going to there's if I don't want to either.

I heard someone (a woman!) online say women my age (40+) should have sex on the first date as we're too old to be worth waiting for. So there's that....

I don't know what the answer is OP

Good grief! Your experiences have been awful.

When I was OLD a few years ago, I had none of this. Maybe I was lucky?

neveragainmilly · 18/10/2025 13:48

AquaForce · 18/10/2025 13:45

I've struggled to get past a third date as I won't 'home date' (shag) that early. Some were quite vocal about it.

One said that if I didn't guarantee up front to shag on the next (second) date, he wasn't wasting any more time on me. Some have been exasperated at me refusing to take them home after a first date. I was once told it was like dating a teenager and was ditched after date number two. I nearly choked at dinner when one asked when I thought we'd start having sex.

I hardly knew any of these men. I refuse to be nudged into something I don't want to do. I'm not taking a stranger home or going to there's if I don't want to either.

I heard someone (a woman!) online say women my age (40+) should have sex on the first date as we're too old to be worth waiting for. So there's that....

I don't know what the answer is OP

I love these guys. Ah least they are honest.... And I pity the women who have to go through it

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 18/10/2025 13:49

neveragainmilly · 18/10/2025 13:47

It's quite weird to tell him and be so visual about what you are doing....

Checking in with a friend is fine but I would feel a bit weird going to a public place and having to tell him "oh just letting my friend know I'm here and I'm telling you that as well".

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I've found it's just sensible. The man knows that someone else knows where you are. Just in case. I had no reason to think he was dodgy, but if he had been (we were meeting in a very rural location), then when they know that someone knows where you were, when, and whom you were meeting, they would be less likely to try anything.

AzureCats · 18/10/2025 13:49

BlueJuniper94 · 18/10/2025 13:32

Many women would prefer to build a strong emotional connection with their partner beforehand. Often men are just looking for sex alone and pretending they are interested in more to gain that sex. Many women feel temporary sterile relations like these are a waste of their time and energy. And bad for mental health.

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Yeah they are a waste of time. Which is why being upfront about expectations helps cut out the chaff because the quick time shaggers move on to the next target and you're saved the hassle on going on dates with a chancer. The OP seems unlikely to try this honest communication method tbh.

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 13:49

AquaForce · 18/10/2025 13:45

I've struggled to get past a third date as I won't 'home date' (shag) that early. Some were quite vocal about it.

One said that if I didn't guarantee up front to shag on the next (second) date, he wasn't wasting any more time on me. Some have been exasperated at me refusing to take them home after a first date. I was once told it was like dating a teenager and was ditched after date number two. I nearly choked at dinner when one asked when I thought we'd start having sex.

I hardly knew any of these men. I refuse to be nudged into something I don't want to do. I'm not taking a stranger home or going to there's if I don't want to either.

I heard someone (a woman!) online say women my age (40+) should have sex on the first date as we're too old to be worth waiting for. So there's that....

I don't know what the answer is OP

I had a lot of this when I was divorced and dating.

Men told me (often before we met) that "they liked to get into a sexual relationship quite quickly."
I thanked them for giving me that information, so I now knew not to waste time on a guy that was just following his dick around. Then I either hung up on them or walked out.

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 13:52

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 13:49

I had a lot of this when I was divorced and dating.

Men told me (often before we met) that "they liked to get into a sexual relationship quite quickly."
I thanked them for giving me that information, so I now knew not to waste time on a guy that was just following his dick around. Then I either hung up on them or walked out.

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But of course men want sex quickly. Sex feels really good for them and there is no risk whatsoever for them.

Why wouldnt they want it quickly. We have got to be realistic. Most men would have sex on the first date if they could.

Its women who want to wait.

The genders are different.

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 13:57

AquaForce · 18/10/2025 13:45

I've struggled to get past a third date as I won't 'home date' (shag) that early. Some were quite vocal about it.

One said that if I didn't guarantee up front to shag on the next (second) date, he wasn't wasting any more time on me. Some have been exasperated at me refusing to take them home after a first date. I was once told it was like dating a teenager and was ditched after date number two. I nearly choked at dinner when one asked when I thought we'd start having sex.

I hardly knew any of these men. I refuse to be nudged into something I don't want to do. I'm not taking a stranger home or going to there's if I don't want to either.

I heard someone (a woman!) online say women my age (40+) should have sex on the first date as we're too old to be worth waiting for. So there's that....

I don't know what the answer is OP

I’m in my 50’s and honestly some of my experiences are shocking.

I filter very heavily and these are all men who on paper seemed very good catches. Pre date communication was really good and positive but soon as meeting up was mentioned I’ve had (from different men)

Dick and arse pics so I could see what I’d be getting

One started wanking on a phone call the night before we were due to meet

Another saying he would bring condoms and I just needed clean knickers

And let’s not forget the really good date who walked me back to my car, pushed me against the car park wall and tried to shove his tongue down my throat and grope my breasts - in broad daylight!

All of these men are 50+ attractive, articulate, polite , decent jobs etc etc etc - green flags all the until………

mamagogo1 · 18/10/2025 13:57

3rd date? Seems about right to me, assuming you aren’t 16, it’s quite normal to progress from public place to one of your homes.

Nandina · 18/10/2025 13:58

It sounds like he wants sex without having to 'waste' any money on dating first.

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 13:58

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 13:52

But of course men want sex quickly. Sex feels really good for them and there is no risk whatsoever for them.

Why wouldnt they want it quickly. We have got to be realistic. Most men would have sex on the first date if they could.

Its women who want to wait.

The genders are different.

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True.

But if a man understands women he should know that some women want to wait for intimacy before sex.

If he doesn't then he's a Neanderthal and not worth bothering with.

AquaForce · 18/10/2025 13:59

YoureNotGoingOutLikeThat · 18/10/2025 13:48

Good grief! Your experiences have been awful.

When I was OLD a few years ago, I had none of this. Maybe I was lucky?

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Yeah. it's not nice.

This was a mix of OLD and meeting in regular life. I thought there was something wrong with me but if it's too soon, it's too soon.

Some of these blokes did the rounds on the singles circuit. Even though I live in a decent sized city. I knew other women who'd date them and were the same. I saw one of them skulking out of my neighbour's flat early one Sunday morning in last night's clothes. He nearly shit a brick when he saw me. I guess she said yes....

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 14:00

Nandina · 18/10/2025 13:58

It sounds like he wants sex without having to 'waste' any money on dating first.

Yep - why waste a tenner on a glass of wine when there’s no shag on offer seems to be some men’s attitude

mamagogo1 · 18/10/2025 14:00

Btw if they are mr right you probably wouldn’t have this dilemma, you know, I knew dh was the one on my first in person date (had talked for hours on the phone before)

Allthejoy · 18/10/2025 14:01

Oh yes they all want a shag as soon as possible. I found men really pushing to come to my house even when I had my young children at home.

I cancelled a first date with a guy as i didn’t have childcare and he said, no problem, he would come to my house in a taxi and we could have the date there. I had never even met him!

Another guy offered to cook at his on the second date. I said I would prefer a night out. I didn’t hear from him again!

Also I didn’t want to get into the cooking and watching films on the settee type of relationship too soon. There’s time for that when you have been going out some time and are a couple. I don’t like cooking for men I’ve just met.

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 14:01

YoureNotGoingOutLikeThat · 18/10/2025 13:48

Good grief! Your experiences have been awful.

When I was OLD a few years ago, I had none of this. Maybe I was lucky?

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Lockdown seems to have completely changed OLD - friends who tried it prior to 2020 say it was a different world compared to now

HRTQueen · 18/10/2025 14:07

He is obviously wanting sex

There is nothing wrong with this but he is trying to push your boundaries abs there is something wrong with that I would move on as he isn’t respecting your boundaries this early on

saying he wants a long term relationship maybe he is but you don’t know if you will want a long term relationship with someone until you get to know them so it’s meaningless on the first few dates unless it’s only used as a way to get a date and is a lie (which for many online dating it is)

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 14:08

I dont really care if men want sex straightaway. Thats just how a lot of them are.

If i dont want it, i just say no.

If i dont want to go back to their house, i say no.
If i dont want them back to my house, i say no

Every man that i have said no to, has taken a no

TheGreatWesternShrew · 18/10/2025 14:10

I think men suggest this because pubs and restaurants are so expensive nowadays. But I also think it fails to recognise the danger women can face when alone in private with a man they have only met a few times.

I’d suggest some cheaper public dates like walks or museums and see what he thinks. Not every date has to be eating and drinking.

neveragainmilly · 18/10/2025 14:11

TheGreatWesternShrew · 18/10/2025 14:10

I think men suggest this because pubs and restaurants are so expensive nowadays. But I also think it fails to recognise the danger women can face when alone in private with a man they have only met a few times.

I’d suggest some cheaper public dates like walks or museums and see what he thinks. Not every date has to be eating and drinking.

Oh come the fuck on.

You can go to coffee, pubs and not eat etc.

Or a picnic.

Or suggest something like you said

Home dates are for getting your dick wet

cavalier · 18/10/2025 14:12

Go by your gut feeling .. that’s why we have this 👍if it doesn’t feel right then it very often isn’t

neveragainmilly · 18/10/2025 14:12

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 14:08

I dont really care if men want sex straightaway. Thats just how a lot of them are.

If i dont want it, i just say no.

If i dont want to go back to their house, i say no.
If i dont want them back to my house, i say no

Every man that i have said no to, has taken a no

Edited

And how do you feel being used for sex? Ever been cohersed into it? Or ghosted after a dozen dates and sex?

Helenalove · 18/10/2025 14:13

neveragainmilly · 18/10/2025 14:12

And how do you feel being used for sex? Ever been cohersed into it? Or ghosted after a dozen dates and sex?

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I just wrote that I said no if I don't want sex.

So i dont understand how your post follows what i wrote

Footloosefiona · 18/10/2025 14:14

TwistedWonder · 18/10/2025 13:57

I’m in my 50’s and honestly some of my experiences are shocking.

I filter very heavily and these are all men who on paper seemed very good catches. Pre date communication was really good and positive but soon as meeting up was mentioned I’ve had (from different men)

Dick and arse pics so I could see what I’d be getting

One started wanking on a phone call the night before we were due to meet

Another saying he would bring condoms and I just needed clean knickers

And let’s not forget the really good date who walked me back to my car, pushed me against the car park wall and tried to shove his tongue down my throat and grope my breasts - in broad daylight!

All of these men are 50+ attractive, articulate, polite , decent jobs etc etc etc - green flags all the until………

Show quote history

Yikes, that's horrendous !

And I thought my experiences were bad !

It makes you wonder what some mothers are taught their sons in the 80's

toomuchfaff · 18/10/2025 14:15

dollyblue01 · 18/10/2025 13:10

You don’t have to have sex , you can say no it’s too early, he may just want to spend time with you and get to know you abit better, not all men are like that.

you can say no....not all men

Hes a total stranger, no friends in common, they met online, yes they have met twice (for an hour long date), anyone can act nice for 2 hours.

I'm sorry but if you're happy to go into a strangers house after chatting to them online and exchanging some pleasantries then you've led a blessed sheltered life