WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

"snatch away". Yep, mean spirited.

Just leave people to eat what they want! I would provide a vegan cream alternative. It's disgusting, but for vegans it seems to be a treat, so everyone is happy!

For Christmas? Fair enough. I wouldn't expect 14 guests to give up a Christmas meal for this.

I wasn't referring to Christmas dinner. I'm sorry that you can't read.

Obviously not for Christmas, I didn't even mention Christmas. I was replying to a specific post, which I'm sure you can see if you look at what I quoted.

Oh OP discussed Xmas meals....

Silly me thinking OP was discussing food for Christmas.

Yes, I know. I can read. But that was not part of the post I was replying to, it was a separate comment.

Silly of you not to look at what I was quoting, yes.

My Dsis, is a vegan for health reasons, mostly for the animals, she uses vegan soap, shampoo, detergent, she kindly hosts and serves Christmas dinner, we bring the turkey cooked, lamb, sausages.
Vegan mushroom stuffing is delicious.
I always make an effort for her when she is my guest.

Your meal has no relevance for OP and her Xmas preparations. So talk about being silly.

Good! None of my vegan friends would allow meat at their Xmas table.

The solution seems simple to me. Sure, she can bring her own.

Don't attack her for being less than a purist about her veganism (although you can snicker about it with your friends, of course.)

You just say some version of, "No, as you know, we try to cater to you as best we can, despite all the extra work it creates, but that's not possible for Thanksgiving. However, of course, I will make a point of having one vegetable dish that will suit your diet, which may be sufficient, or you can bring whatever you like."

Yes, I'd tell her that if she's not content with what's on offer for everyone, she'll have to bring her own.

I don't cater to veganism or other restrictive fad diets in my house, and in your MIL's case, her faux veganism sounds like a particularly pointless bid for attention.

Personally, I would cater for your mother-in-law with vegan meal, could be a ready meal, simple vegan starter and vegan dessert and no cheese course.

As you have said no other people have dietary needs so it won't be that hard.

Or you could ask her to bring her own food but provide the potatoes, veggies etc.

Just because she isn't instantly 100% pure in her veganism isn't a reason to mock it.

Just because she isn't instantly 100% pure in her veganism isn't a reason to mock it

The OP's MIL made a specific request to cater for her "veganism" in all future meals, so yeah mocking is entirely in order.

We’ve got vegan family coming for dinner (they’re very strict, definitely no bending the rules). We are not vegan and I really don’t like many of the vegan alternatives, so we’re doing two separate dinners. I don’t mind going to a bit of effort for them, as it’s something that’s very important to them, I don’t use goose fat or honey and my SiL will bring her own vegan yorkies to heat up.

If she’s happy to munch on a yorkie when there’s no vegan alternative then I don’t think I’d go to a huge amount of extra work. Sainsbury’s do a vegan… thing with fake bacon on it, as well as vegan pigs and vegan stuffing balls. It looks disgusting, to be fair. You might be better off getting an individual nut roast or some no chicken Kievs if you like her. Paxo is also vegan if you don’t add butter. Buy some Birds Eye steamed fresh vegetables (two minutes in the microwave) or a posher version from M&S, some Bisto and some aunt Bessie’s (or posher version from Sainsbury’s) Sainsbury’s have also got a vegan chocolate torte thing in their Christmas food to order section and they do vegan whipped cream.

I’d buy a vegan alternative to the meat, then just shove a few potatoes and carrots to roast on the side of that dish. Bisto vegan gravy. Pack of vegan stuffing. Take her portion of the mash out before adding butter. Anything else she can decide on if she’s going to break her rules. I’d cater but not go to a huge effort (because xmas dinner is a huge effort already! And oven space so limited). Otherwise as others have suggested- a nice (like Cook) vegan roast ready meal.

They're rude. I'd buy a thermal container and whip out my steak as they were serving up, or turkey and ham parcel.

@Veganornotvegan

A compromise! Do the bits that are easy enough, but ask her to bring anything tricky -e.g. veg.

I can't get over the vegan no-honey rule. Sorry to all the lovely vegans out there but I really don't believe that bees suffer from stress. Anthropomorphism gone wild!
It's pretty rough for most of them with a 6-8 week lifespan. Do you think they spend precious time agonising about their impending doom?

Well I don’t understand this at all. If I was going to a dinner party I would eat what I was given and be grateful. If I had a special diet I would bring my own food so as not to inconvenience the host. Dinner parties are mostly about the company not making more work for the host.
She sounds like a bit of a Princess

I'd just try and get her a Vegan ready meal. If she doesn't want that she needs to bring her own.

that menu sounds fab! Right up my street. Hope you have a great day.

I have family who are vegan, vegetarian, gluten free etc. I take pleasure in hosting and love to make sure everyone is catered for. It takes a bit more effort than just doing the same thing for everyone but I find they all appreciate the effort. Just do it Op. Even if you pre make her potatoes etc and heat them up etc.

Yeah, I'm in the ready meal camp. No way I'd be fully cooking her a separate meal with all the trimmings. Imagine if you did that and she ended up breaking her own rules after you'd put all the effort in!