WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

yes. if she asked for vegan i would serve her vegan food. things like duck fat etc are not even vegetarian. she may be transitioning or thought some options were out of her co trol. just be kind and accommodate instead of judging her.

Yes but how hard is it to bung a Quorn steak , or whatever, in the second oven and cook the potatoes in olive oil.

Some people can be so mean spirited, why bother to host people at all if you're going to be nasty to them?

Don't pander to it. Don't waste too much time A microwave meal, some vegetables and a dessert from m&s. Let her eat whatever she likes on the day.

Second oven?

Oh I'd never invite one, I just meant if one turned up by accident.

Obvious jokes aside, if I invited someone I knew to be vegan for food I'd sort them something.

But in a situation like the one OP describes, there's no way I'd be doing a separate version of multiple dishes for a pretend vegan.

To be fair, if I was cooking a chilli, curry, pasta or whatever for friends, I don't think I'd be doing and entire vegan version of the same dish for one person.

We have one vegan friend in our group who usually takes her own food to BBQs, parties etc as she doesn't want to put people out, which I think is polite of her.

OK, sorry. Yes we have a double oven. Not that unusual is it? I suggested putting the vegan stuff in a separate oven to the meat in case people worried about spatter.

I am not vegetarian but I do my best to provide something everyone can eat when there is a get together

Very few people I know have a second oven. We don't either.

It sounds like lots of OPs food will include animal products so more difficult than you’re saying. I’m vegan so definitely in favour of people being vegan, but I can understand the annoyance of changing foods or preparing extra foods for someone who may end up just eating the other stuff because they’re not actually vegan.

I wouldn't cook an entire separate vegan dish for them - I'd do a vegan meal for everyone. I once catered for DPs family, nine of us, one vegan. We all ate vegan food. Twice. Noone died.

I would stay at home if I was served a vegan Xmas dinner. No thank you and I eat very little meat.

I was vegetarian for 33 years, went vegan two years ago. I completely understand the hassle this causes other people and feel bad about it. My take is that I am vegan unless it is really socially awkward and would make someone feel uncomfortable.

As in, if I went to someone's house and they had made something for me and used honey I would just eat it and not saying anything. When I was vegetarian it happened a lot with people making me something then adding parmesan, which isn't vegetarian. So I would eat it because I didn't want to make a fuss and cause someone else to feel bad who was obviously trying to cater for me.

I would never, ever discuss my food and lifestyle choices with anyone though unless they happen to ask, and I would never dream of trying to impose my beliefs on anyone else.

So..I would make some effort for her but if she is going on about it and trying to impose her values on you, I wouldn't go all out! On the other hand, maple syrup or brown sugar is a really easy swap for honey and I think is far nicer anyway so might be an easy win.

I wouldn’t eat a vegan meal. It’s Christmas bloody dinner! Why spoil it for everyone else for the sake of one person?!

Yes, lots of ovens are double ovens so not that uncommon. We actually have 2 completely separate ovens as I’m vegan so my oven never has animal products in it.

If you are going to the trouble of providing vegan food, make sure you snatch away any cream, or cheese, or other non-vegan treats that she might reach for.

No chocolates unless warranted dairy free.

I don't mind eating in a vegan household. I know that it will be a vegan meal. They don't pander to my eating style.
That's the weird thing really. Going to my vegan friends' house they won't do any extra for me.

I like my friends too much to inflict that on them.

She is a vegan/vegetarian.
It can be difficult to stick with a vegan diet.
Of course you should make an effort to cook something she wants, even if it is a microwave job.
I don't understand why you would make this fuss.

What about doing a roast veg traybake...something like this..rather than doing all the veg twice https://www.easypeasyfoodie.com/easy-christmas-vegetable-traybake/

Surely, as an omnivore, you are entitled to provide them with a list of the animal products you insist they cook for you?

Wrong quote

Well, I think you're all very narrow minded. We had cauliflower and squash curry, daal, naan bread, rice, vegan coleslaw, green salad, a salad with grated carrot, chickpeas and courgette. Some other things I've forgotten. It all being vegan didn't seem to be mentioned.

I wasn't talking about the Christmas meal, I was responding to the specific comment I quoted and that particular hypothetical scenario.

I agree, I wouldn't do that at Christmas.

😋 Delicious.

Of couse I can't. They wouldn't pander to my eating style. They would just laugh. I have never met a vegan who served other than vegan food to make friends or family happy.

So yes, I serve vegan food if needed but I don't make a separate vegan version of everything just for one person.