Friend asked for money instead of a holiday, CF?

[namechangedohmy]

My friend ‘Jane’ isn’t great with money and has got herself into a mess a few times and in the past I’ve gifted her some small amounts to help but stopped doing so as it was getting awkward.

Anyway, she’s been a bit run down and wanting a break so I offered to take her away for a winter break at a hotel up north. DBB plus has a pool, sauna, large grounds to walk in so she could swim, walk or just sleep as much or as little as she wanted. I was also looking forward to a bit of a break too tbh. She’s subsequently asked if she could have the money equivalent instead as that would be more helpful. I’m irritated by this as I’d knocked giving her money on the head, which she knows, so feel this is a bit much. Or AIBU and I offered help and this is the help she wants.

Leave off the last three words

Yeah but if OP doesn't specify something like that, Jane will think the original invite is still available. Whereas I get the impression that OP doesn't really want to go with her now. That sentence is a subtle way of telling her that.

OP can still fade her out, it's not like a non-specific offer at some point in the future is legally binding or anything. It just saves her the potential awkwardness at having to explain "actually no, because you've been so greedy the holiday is off as well.'

This is unbelievable cheeky

You've been way to generous and accommodating. This woman is a leech. I suggest do not' respond to her request and cool the friendship

Id be tepmted to send something like this
"No, you can't have money instead. I offered this, as I valued the opportunity to spend time with you in a nice place, and thought we could both benefit from a bit if an escape/retreat".
"I thought you valued my company too, but it seems not. Ill spend my time and thoughts elsewhere."

Although, is it possible your friend is just so down, and so skint, that she didnt see the human value in your offer, only the 'spare' cash you have that she doesn't?
And thought that telling you what she would benefit more from was okay.
Its not okay, but I can see that she might be thinking in a very practical way.

I’d tell her it was a 2 for 1 deal so her part was worth £0.

Not only would I decline her disgusting request, I would phase her out. She isn’t a friend. You’re a cash cow. She’s a user.

In all seriousness do you think she has an addiction?

Even then...

We all learn our lessons from those who treat others like ATMs. It's a no for any reason.

You are a more considerate friend than she deserves. CF that she is.

She isn't your friend, friends want to spend time together.

She is a CF and treating you as a cash machine.

Stop giving her freebies and you'll probably find she will lose interest in you very quickly. Put your energy and generosity into your real friends.

It seems like your ‘friend’ is taking full advantage of your good nature. Don’t give her any more money, or offer anything further.

Dreadful behaviour from her, she does not deserve you as a friend!

This!

Fpniau

So rude and entitled , her share of the trip would be minimal as if you went as a single person would only be extra meals anyway !

Absolutely no way. CF for sure. The cash would just enable her to keep spending as she likes and not planning finances properly. Maybe she needs to learn now. You owe her nothing and it’s run its course. Agree with the responses up thread. Tell her no and don’t give her the chance to backtrack. She’s using you, and that’s not what friends do.

Blimey 😮😮 no!

I hope this is either a joke or a wind up as that is absolutely outrageous!

Go on your own or with someone else.

I would never give/loan a friend money unless I could afford it not to be paid back. The odd £5-10, no problem, more than that I never would. Neither would I borrow from a friend as it's only going to put both parties in a difficult position.

If you really want to help, you could lend her the money, but get in writing the terms of the loan & warn her that you're willing to take her to court if she doesn't repay - also put into the terms that she's liable for any legal fees that you may incur should she default. However if she's that short of money the court may allow her to repay you at about £5.00 a month which is no good to you.

As PP have said, best not to lend.

No. Sit her down, offer her a budget plan and then tell her to get on with it. Giving her a holiday is only spoiling someone who is already rotten - she needs a hard knock on the head

Hi op just say what others have said. So sorry I meant for us both go away and have a proper break and it’s something I really want to do and I had hoped you would appreciate the time away with no costs but I’m still going to do it so if you don’t want to I will still go and it wasn’t me offering money just me asking you if you would like to join me.

This is a one way friendship - so not a real friendship

If you feel she needs financial help that you can give - go ahead, But to make her dance through hoops to appease you?

I have a few friends who struggle, I wouldn't even dream of making plans that may embarress them , I still see them and we have some really good times, without 1 person picking up the tag

No. That's all you need to say.