Friend asked for money instead of a holiday, CF?

[namechangedohmy]

My friend ‘Jane’ isn’t great with money and has got herself into a mess a few times and in the past I’ve gifted her some small amounts to help but stopped doing so as it was getting awkward.

Anyway, she’s been a bit run down and wanting a break so I offered to take her away for a winter break at a hotel up north. DBB plus has a pool, sauna, large grounds to walk in so she could swim, walk or just sleep as much or as little as she wanted. I was also looking forward to a bit of a break too tbh. She’s subsequently asked if she could have the money equivalent instead as that would be more helpful. I’m irritated by this as I’d knocked giving her money on the head, which she knows, so feel this is a bit much. Or AIBU and I offered help and this is the help she wants.

That's genius... definitely say you've invited someone else now.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.It seems very one sided. I would say sorry but you fancied a weekend away and you will be going anyway,you just thought she may like to join you but obviously she doesn't so not to worry. I would think you are being very generous and kind but she appears to be not of the same mindset.

Isn't all you've said irrelevant if the person giving the gift is in no way responsible for your financial wellbeing?. They simply choose a gift. If it is too luxurious them sell it and eat / heat...I'm not sure how anyone but a dependent child could say..."but I would have preferred". That's not how gifts work...interesting to hear though how others think you are responsible for them as independent adults...it's like hearing about a mysterious foreign land called Entitlement

You have "repaid" your perceived debt. Her response is beyond cheeky and shows her true colours. I would reply with a terse, "There is no cash alternative to my invitation to join me on a short break. I will be making alternative plans for myself only now."

^^ This!

@namechangedohmy She is being a CF asking for a money equivalent and although she helped you out in the past, your 'debt' is more than paid.

I would be giving this friendship a deep consideration about what you're actually getting out of it, because this friend clearly sees you an ATM to forever pay back the debt. I'd be worried she still thinks you owe her.

Get rid of this sponger out of your life ff's.

Err no. The holiday was for you as well. What a bloody cheek.

Seriously?

OP offers a delightful gift to her friend and friend instead turns into a scrounger eyeballing OP's pocketbook. It's hard to imagine anything more obnoxious.

"a holiday of your own choosing," really? Newsflash: most people DO choose the gifts they offer to others, they don't ask for a shopping list they can fulfill.

Good response: true, unambiguous and the tone is neutral, which is appropriate because maybe she is not a five star CF so much as someone who doesn't understand how money, gifts and friendship work.

I don't think I could ever bother with her again after this. She's saying 'I don't want your company, just your money'.

Yes but if she doesn’t want to go away, she could easily just say what a thoughtful offer it is and decline. But not try to cash it in.

It may not be what she wants to do, but that is what OP is offering. If I was visiting a friend and she offered me glass of wine I wouldn't say No thanks, I'd rather have the £2.50 that the glass of wine would cost you.

she’s being a cheeky cow to ask for the money when her not going on the holiday would effectively mean you not going either.^^

Why though? They're not joined at the hip.

I would have thought "Fuck it, I'll go by myself. Have a lovely pampered time and bring that book I've been meaning to read".

I do lots of solo travel. Always great and have met some lovely people, just chatting.

Absolutely this. It would be the end of this friendship for me.

Cheeky. I hope you told her no.

She genuinely supported you ‘many, many years ago’ and you’ve helped her subsequently. It sounds like the friendship has run its course. Because if she’s not hard up, just bad at managing her salary each month after splurges, then her response to you is appalling. She is showing you who she is, OP.

Give her a tin of brasso for her neck. With a polishing cloth if you’re feeling generous!

unbelievable 🤦🏻‍♀️

Something like this I think would work well

Agree

I think I'd message her saying, "No worries that's fine, I've asked another friend to come instead. I'm really sorry but I'm not offering cash, it was just to come on holiday as my guest"

But aren’t all non monetary gifts to friends usually of the givers choosing? A birthday gift isn’t a right after all. As someone with no friends who’s never received a birthday gift, I’d consider it a thoughtful act that somebody had taken time out to get me something even if it were a candle or some such so to be gifted a mini break is amazing. Even better that it’s not a trip for one and said friend would be coming along also. Friend is being a CF imho.

Also, note that OP had previously being giving into the friends frequent requests for money which quite sensibly OP knocked on the head as she’s not a bank after all. It shows what a good friend OP is that she has remained a friend and is choosing to include in her in expensive getaways.

I'd politely rescind the offer, consider that debt repaid, and gradually distance her out of my life. I don't have the patience for people who won't take care of themselves when they could, simply by exercising a little self-control.

She is a cheeky cow!

This. Seems like she only wants to use you for your money. Forget about her and do invite someone who will appreciate it (I know I would !)

You’re so kind. How are some people so awful. It’s beyond my comprehension! She’s not your friend OP. Ditch.