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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at event while I'm unwell

173 replies

iridescentbloom · 17/10/2025 16:51

My husband has an event tonight that has been in the diary for months.

I've woke up with a horrible cold - sore throat, runny nose, body aches, not helped by the fact our baby is going through the 4 month sleep regression and had me up every hour last night. (Me, not my husband, as he had work today so just did one nappy change in the night)

Husband got in from work and essentially headed straight out to this event, he'll be home around midnight tonight.

AIBU that I was hoping he'd stay home to help me with the baby whilst I'm feeling so rotten? I've had help from a friend during the day but am still going to have to face bedtime alone (which is a trial in itself at the moment), as well as the many wake ups that will happen before he gets home.

It's not like this is his first evening out since we've had the baby - he's had many.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 17/10/2025 18:26

A decent husband would stay imo, make sure you take him up on not sticking around if you have something planned and he is unwell, it's the only way you can avoid resentment.

Moresparecashplease · 17/10/2025 18:30

You say he has had quite a few evenings out since baby was born OP.

Have you had any time to yourself?

How is he normally with the baby ? Does he do his share? Does he do his share of housework?

I actually agree with you that if his social.life has been largely unaffected by him becoming a father then it was not unreasonable for you to ask him to stay in when you are unwell.

ElizabethsTailor · 17/10/2025 18:36

Be clear with him on expectations for the weekend, especially that you expect him to step up tomorrow to give you some rest, so a hangover should not be getting in the way of that.

I wouldn’t expect him to miss the event. However, unless they are essential for work, I wouldn’t have expected him to have “several” within the last 4 months with a new baby. Maybe 4 - 8 at the most, and with you getting the same kind of consideration.

RightOnTheEdge · 17/10/2025 18:40

YABU to want him to stay at home.

I really hope you feel better soon though and that your husband pulls his weight over the weekend so you can have a rest Flowers

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/10/2025 18:48

No but I think you do need a chat about expectations. The baby is 4 months and he has had "many" nights out?

Thats how the rot starts. BF means that you are of course tied closer to home, unless you can get a handle on expressing, but that doesnt mean that he can simply come and go as if there is no responsibility on him. And the abdication of family life starts, by him assuming that you will always be the one taking care of the kids whilst for him its optional.

Louisetopaz21 · 17/10/2025 18:52

I have the same symptoms as the op with aching body and tested for covid. Feeling rotten and in bed. I hope you feel better soon.

outerspacepotato · 17/10/2025 18:54

You have a cold. He shouldn't have to miss an event for that.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/10/2025 19:01

@iridescentbloom you have my sympathy. 💐
It's shit to be unwell and having to care for a young baby. Do your best to take care of yourself and make sure your DH knows he owes you now and he'll need to pick up the slack in the morning.

autienotnaughty · 17/10/2025 19:43

It depends - random night at the pub - stay in. Ticketed event or special occasion he should go. But I’d expect him to do most of weekend.

BruFord · 17/10/2025 19:47

It sounds like a big event if it’s been in his diary for months so no, I wouldn’t expect him to miss it for a cold.

But tomorrow, he can let you rest and look after both you and the baby, can’t he. I’d def. expect some TLC then.

arcticpandas · 17/10/2025 20:28

iridescentbloom · 17/10/2025 16:59

Thank you for your responses everyone, can see IABU 🙂

Yes, you are. But I hope you get well soon💐

whatcanthematterbe81 · 17/10/2025 21:00

I think he would look like a bit of a melt if he said “I can’t come , my wife has a cold” if I’m being honest

WhatNoRaisins · 17/10/2025 21:05

Also it's winter soon, odds are you're going to have more colds between now and next spring, I'd save the cancellations for when you're really ill.

AuntieLemonade · 17/10/2025 22:39

If he comes in at 2am steaming drunk and plays the hangover card tomorrow, he’d be getting a sharp shock but otherwise, tag team out of the ring tomorrow other than boobie duty and rest up x

AgnesMcDoo · 17/10/2025 22:41

An event in the diary for ages - I wouldn’t have expected my DH to stay home for that

just make sure he pulls his weight tomorrow

Shewhoshallnotbenamed91 · 17/10/2025 22:45

It's been in the diary months. It's not his issue your feeling unwell. You have a cold your not dying. You really don't need him to miss out and stay home. You have to parent through all illness! This is just the beginning

CassandraWebb · 17/10/2025 22:45

OldBeyondMyYears · 17/10/2025 18:12

Oh come on OP…you have a cold! Yeah, it’s crappy, but seriously, I cannot imagine asking someone to miss a prior engagement due to me having a cold.

Different people are affected differently by colds. And different colds affect the same person in different ways.

He's a bit of a plonker for not checking you were ok or trying to curtail his plans at all for you @iridescentbloom .

Make sure he does take over tomorrow, even if he has a raging hangover

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 17/10/2025 22:46

Genuinely can't believe how many people think you're being unreasonable. You must be exhausted. He seems a *tad selfish, acting as if being a parent doesn't interfere with his social life. Tell him to grow the fuck up

Mamabear487 · 17/10/2025 22:47

I would say you being unreasonable if it’s been in the diary for months. It’s not like it’s a last minute thing. If my husband was ill I would still go to my event if it was me tbh!

Jade247 · 17/10/2025 22:49

Just to say… I feel as though everyone is missing you had been up with baby most the night and I’m guessing same again tonight . I’d feel annoyed albeit I’d get on with it … but you make sure you have tomorrow for yourself . Hope you feel better . Bless you xx

Caplin · 17/10/2025 22:57

I get it, you feel pants, but A) you have a cold B) this is a work event, not a jolly with the lads

After child 2 I went to black tie dinner 5 weeks post oartum for my work. He is back at work, this is part of his job. If you had flu I would say yeah, he should stay home, but cold, no,

3luckystars · 17/10/2025 23:14

iridescentbloom · 17/10/2025 16:59

Thank you for your responses everyone, can see IABU 🙂

You are.

Cachall · 17/10/2025 23:17

Big girl pants time, OP. Get a grip!

OhYeahOhYeah · 17/10/2025 23:20

‘Event’ would imply it is something important/work related, in which case definitely not, he should still attend.

If however it is Friday night drinks/out with mates, which happen most weeks, then I would say it was reasonable to ask him to stay at home and help out so you can get a bit of a break and rest.

Ultimately it is just a cold, and whilst not the most fun, it’s pretty easy to carry on with your daily routine. I tend to want to be left to my own devices if I’m feeling under the weather, so would not be too fussed.

CantBreathe90 · 17/10/2025 23:31

The 4 month sleep regression is brutal, but will be over before you know it. Hope baby settles soon x