Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

So tricky!

Try not to despair you have time for things to settle and enjoy the rest of your holiday…

We had this experience with a holiday earlier this year. I think it’s really hard for kids to be taken out of their comfort zones at home and plonked somewhere completely different.. they need to have something to control.

Our favourite quote from our last holiday was ‘I’ve got thousands on my credit card for this shit?!?’ So you get the vibe!

We massively lowered our expectations and tried to talk our daughter through what we were doing each day and give her choice in activities too. She chose swimming everyday so we’d usually go and explore in the morning somewhere and back to our resort for swimming in the afternoons which worked well. We also tried to have informal meals to remove the pressure of a restaurant environment and we had lots of beach picnics which she much preferred. And lots of colouring books / sticker books / Lego / mini games in the bag in case of boredom whilst out and out about.

ultimately we did decide that we won’t be going on any more expensive holidays whilst we have a young family as we find it easier to just do day trips from home in the UK 😅😂🫠

best of luck!

We went away with 2 children for the first time when they were similar ages to yours. We fully surrendered to the fact that these holidays are not going to be anything like holidays pre-children. They are very much for enjoying spending time together ,whatever that might look like, rather than relaxing.

I find all inclusive great for holidaying with children, but meal time are not relaxing. We have a routine that works of me getting the children's food (with 4 year old) then one of us will get dinner whilst the other helps children and visa versa. Whilst it is not relaxing, we all eat and I enjoy not having to cook or think about what to cook!

We make the day time all about the children and then we'd sit on the balcony and read for an hour or so once they were both asleep, something we wouldn't be able to do at home.

I hope that you can find away to enjoy yourselves, perhaps starting by adjusting your expectations or by taking it in turns to look after the children whilst the other parent relaxes.

My holidays with kids that age were never like that. And as you have read, the OP didn’t expect the kids club to have an open door, which I don’t think is unreasonable.

I'm sorry OP, that sounds really tough. I do think it’s time for your DP to spend some time being the one running round after him, and you chill with the baby. I know chilling with a baby isn’t exactly chill time either, but I’m assuming your 9 month old can’t run away yet so at least you won’t have that to deal with.

For the hotel door, can you get hold of a door wedge? The hotel may have one.

Just to say, I hope things settle for you. It's hard and it's always disappointing when other mums just pile on to say "what on earth were you thinking?" without finding anything helpful to say.

We are the same ages as you and your partner. My LO has always been boisterous but not to a point she'd get a diagnosis I reckon. She's just turned 5 and I think we're only just past the point of her running away! She'll stop when we call her back now. Her nursery was on a really busy road and getting her into the car after a long day when she'd lost the plot was a NIGHTMARE! I was the parent refusing to let go of her hand whilst she screamed the place down.
Because of this reason, we have avoided holidays abroad and I think next year might be the first year we try. So I envy you in a way that you've already had some already that haven't been completely disastrous! I understand you thinking things should've improved with age. Sadly in my experience it did get worse before it got better and you might be in the middle of this now!

I think the divide and conquer ideas suggested might be your best bet. You might not be together but at least when you get a bit of down time, even on your own, you'll be somewhere nice and warm and not sitting in the house at home feeling like you're missing out! Make the most of evenings in as your "holiday" time. I've literally never done all inclusive. Could you have a meal in your room one night after bedtime for DS and have a date night (trying as best you can to ignore boob barnacle! I gave up trying to put mine down in the end and life became more bearable!)?

I think the reason we've not gone away is fear of the unknown. Like you say, reading reviews and the reality of the situation can be different. So I've let that put me off a multitude of things. At least you're out there giving it a go so try not to let the criticisms get you down. Hope your situation improves with some of the suggestions. All the best. X

You will get this! Next holiday will be better!
One of mine was a so and so! I just had a baby, he lay down in the supermarket screaming for an iced bun. He had never had

This is going to sound to the complete opposite of what you would like but I think the absolute best thing you and your husband can do is reframe in your mind what the ‘holiday’ is.
I had a similar start to a holiday for first 24 hours when my daughter was 18 months old and we did solo abroad the two of us.
What I realised is that the holiday is from cooking, from making the bed, from coming up with the places to go because it’s all there.
The second thing I had to go was just let go of the rules. She slept late, there was no bedtime - and that resulted in 10-12 hours hours sleep but a different 10-12 hours than I’d scheduled. She also did not want to be in a high chair - or sit down - so we didn’t. The dairy is tricky on holiday - we have this too - ask the hotel if you can order the next meal at the meal before that could help you - but one of you could order it and sit with baby whilst the other isn’t at the table with your 3 year old.
my daughter - also a runner. The great thing is she’s now around the 70th fastest in the country for her age. I should be too given the training she put me through, but im
not lol. It sounds like your son is beyond excited at all the fun things around him and he’s not quite old enough yet to control the impulse to get involved. My advice - let him lead and one of you follows. This is what I did - the benefits - got the best tan of my life because I was always standing and lost 3 pounds. I didn’t get to read a book on my sun lounger until she was much older. It’s a different holiday, and that’s where the reframe comes in. Let go of the rules let him lead and see if you can get some pleasure on what you see (and at least you’re not having to come up with the next thing to do).
it sounds like one of you needs to have baby whilst the other follows 3 year old.
i think you can have a good time, but it’s the reframe of what good is.
to give you some hope, she has stopped running away from me and now at age 12 actually loves to sit next to me and read a book. Now the sunlounger holidays are back to a greater extent. We did the overseas holidays every year just the two of us and I have lovely lovely memories. They just look different to my old idea of a holiday.
my other suggestion if you have some willing relatives and can find the money book you and OH a weekend away for when baby is old enough that you’re comfortable to leave and have that downtime the two of you they way.
xx

Oops last one posted before I finished!
Lay down screaming for an iced bun he had never had one but liked the look of it.
An elderly lady came, I bough oh no! Now he has an audience. Thankfully the lady said “ get up you naughty boy” he did 😂. We have all been there, hold on!

Also on the food is there a supermarket nearby? Appreciate you don’t want to be buying your own food in an all inclusive but it really can be a nightmare with food intolerances and my other advice is load up there on snacks and take some control back over what you can offer and will save you having to scour the hotel for snacks.

Holidays with young kids can just be harder than being at home. The only way we enjoyed it was to take my parents too so we could get some down time and they got to spend time with GC. The kids club doesn’t sound good tho and I would complain. There are some much better family hotels in Europe that do a fab job with kids.

Like others have said, a week is the most we ever did with kids that young. We did a eurocamp holiday when they were 3 and 1 and it was hell, 2 weeks in France and both kids were sick with a vomiting bug and conjunctivitis.

Our most successful holiday was a hotel geared up specifically for kids, kids buffet at the restaurant and the staff brought booster seats and bibs for the kids, but we didn’t get to sit on a sunlounger all week! We spent the days in the pool or beach, or day trips to the zoo etc, then early dinner and kids disco in the evenings and we then put the kids to bed and sat on the balcony for the rest of the night. I strongly suspect my eldest now 6 is likely on the spectrum to some degree and we had similar problems with him running off and not listening when younger so I do sympathise. But I also think your ages are a lot to do with it, mid to late 40s is hard going with 2 babies! We were early 30s with the same age kids and I just couldn’t imagine being 10 or 15 years older and still having to run around after young kids. Divide and conquer seems to be the way we managed. I would have got DH to take the eldest to the pool or playpark while the baby napped.

Sorry this sounds like a challenging time for you. How about changing types of holiday to self catering? We bought a caravan when DD2 was 9 months old, went to tiny farm sites where the kids could run around and be at one with nature. Our best memories are exploring nature, beach days even in winter, kids both learnt to ride their bikes when away in the caravan. Packed jigsaws, collected pebbles to paint, lots of time outside. DD1 has never got on with disco / kids club activity types of holidays and is now diagnosed ASD.
DD2 breast fed until 3 years and co slept and the front of our caravan turned into a massive bed.

Ps - NEVER pack for DH!!! And make sure you are getting enough sleep, it’s saved me over the years 😊

Sorry one more thought! Well, two ha.
I am dark haired so I do get the bikini thing! I find if I am in a rush I do get more ingrowing hairs. For me I find to apply a hot wet flannel before and after seems to really help. I take two neurogfen before I get it done as I feel it stops any discomfort afterwards! No pants and a robe for an hour and only cotton pants for the rest of the day. I often book myself in with the hotel beautician for a wax and a facial on the first day. Too late this time but might be something you can try next time.
My middle one slept her first night when she was 4 years. She was an extremist! The other two were brilliant sleepers. She hardly sleeps now as an adult, which works well for shifts! I have no advice for the sleeping as I had no clue! But I was exhausted and embarrassed to ask for help. Try to get rest whenever you can. If anyone offers to hold the baby let them, she might be clingy now but soon she will be happy as long as someone holds her and at least you can have toast and a cuppa.

Some people replying here saying didn’t you know what holidays with young kids would be like, seriously…. How unkind and unhelpful.

Children are as diverse in their behaviour as adults and whilst some children of all ages are pretty chilled, calm, good sleepers, others are the opposite of all of the above.

OP sorry to say but the sheer relentlessness of your Son and his physical drive and his inability to cope with noisy/ busy environments are just exactly how my son now aged 15 was, he has ADHD and likely autism ( he refused the assessment for autism).

Parenting him has permanently damaged my nervous and immune system, the stress was overwhelming and it goes on for years.

all I can suggest is to try to reframe what holidays will look like. We gave up on foreign holidays after our son had an accident on the ferry going to France one year and spent the whole holiday screaming and running, he just could not cope. We just settled for weeks in Centreparcs which were far better, own food, quiet accomodation and surroundings, wildlife and swimming which he loves.

I agree with this. I used to actually like holidays before having children.
Now I can’t take the stress of them, they are like an ordeal to be survived. I just realised this year after many many challenging holidays (my eldest is now 17) that it’s just not worth it. I’m not going anymore.

I will do a Centerparcs maybe in this country but anything else is just not happening.

Huh? What's wrong with that? Why be rude, what are you getting out of it?

Read some of your other comments and think even though you have been on lots of holidays with your first child, having two is another ball game. Breastfeeding and broken sleep makes everything so difficult. If i were you, id give up on holidays until the youngest is 3/4. You would have a better break at home doing day trips or at home with down time. Ive got 3 kids. Middle has asd and adhd. Still breastfeeding 2 year old. We did a uk holiday in the summer, self catering and i swore after it really wasn't worth the money.

My sisters eldest two were similar, she tried two foreign holidays with them between the ages of 10 months and 3 years, then gave up for 5 years. She took them camping instead to somewhere that’s a secure field, so they could just run to their hearts delight without worry! She went away this year to Mallorca with them both (now 8 and 7) and even said that was still too stressful as they both are very high energy, balcony door didn’t look well etc so she said she’ll be skipping next year again or doing a cold holiday with activities. Sometimes it’s just not worth the stress, or worth trying other types of trips!

It will get better (both for this holiday and over time). The first couple of days are.alwsys hardest as you adjust.

I would contact the the TUI rep and complain about the kids club tbh. They are meant to be of a standard comparable to UK so it really shouldn't be possible to get out. People can get their judgey pants out all they like but some children love playing with others and adore kids club. I've one who has begged to go to them from 3/4 and one who absolutely wouldn't step foot in them.

It might be worth looking for the nearest shopping mall and having a trip out for some clothes that make you feel good and you can feed in. The holiday clothes in next will get sent back a d refunded anyway. I do think your DP is being an idiot about your bikini wax, he needs to pull his head in a bit.

Probably not now but do you have the youngest in a sling. I find with a clingy baby it's almost easier to submit to it and get an amazing sling.

Holidays can be really tough but it doesn't mean you need to give up on them. Lower your expectations for now, take it hour by hour and give each other a couple of afternoons off where you can

I'm sorry you are having a tough time OP. I do think holidays with babies that old can be enjoyable but it takes planning, energy, supportive partner and changing your expectation of a holiday.
When mine were that age, we did hotels but always got larger rooms with a separate lounge and balcony so we could use a space for naps etc whilst we read or sunbathed.
I would divide the kids up - DP takes toddler whilst you feed baby. You could each get 1 hour to yourself a day if you could get baby to nap?
We never did kids clubs - I don't like the idea and I know it would upset the DC. Instead we would go swimming, walks with the pushchair or sling, sightsee with baby in sling.

This is really good advice.

Try a visual time table for the rest of the holiday. You just need to ask reception from a pen and some paper and it would look something like this put add a stick picture.

get dressed
breakfast
park
snack
swimming
lunch
play in room
snack
swimming
shower
dinner
evening entertainment

Packing for your (adult, male) partner.
Do you also "prep his lunches"?
Ick.
No, holidays with (small) children are not really holidays.

I’m really glad I had my kids in my 20s.

Wait until they are older for nice holidays, stick to short uk breaks with soft play centres for a bit.

Thing is holidays with little ones arent actually holidays you need a holiday after the holiday ive took little ones but gone in a larger group so theres more people to help out so it must be a struggle. Not got much advice for you other than maybe once your 3yr old has adjusted he might calm down a bit it's a new environment lots to take in. Teach him to swim tire Him out as much as possible then he might sleep so you get some peace.

Sympathy. I refused to go abroad whilst all the children want is mummy, daddy, play park, ice cream.