Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

[Wardrobemarker]

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

Well a couple that were sponging off you on holiday are probably going to sponge off you in all other settings.

If they wanted a tour and mentioned it, it wouldn't have been better to say, 'oh yes, you'd enjoy that-just go online and book' rather than you just booking and paying for it. Same with their taxis-why did you pay for a taxi they were in?

How much money are you going to ask them for back?

He is seeing a counsellor , it's an ongoing process. He had a difficult childhood, same as me so lots to unpack. He is genuinely the most lovely person you could ever meet. To be honest this is the first time that we have been treated like this.

And my DH is the same and we have not really been caught out. But reading this thread, we probably have!

Wow! Don’t blame yourself and move on asap.

Agreed. Don't bother meeting up with them.

One thing to bear in mind is that they might be on lowish incomes and from your generosity they may assume that you have a lot of money and don’t mind being generous with your spare cash.

Even if this is so though, yes it’s still not really good enough on their part. If you treated them to dinner, they could at least get drinks. If you told them the cost of the tour, they should be paying up. But equally you should be asking for that!

Are they British or foreign? Just wondering if its /partly/ different cultural expectations?

Awww I feel so sad for your DH, not just the money he put into it but the time and effort arranging things 🙁 It would have been nice for him to receive something in return. He sounds like a real sweetie, I hope he has other friends who appreciate him!

British

Thank you.We have lots of lovely friends and family who do appreciate him.

I don’t think you should ask for money, in case they really are broke?. They might have tried to give you the idea they had money to save face. ? Just chalk it up to experience ?

Well we thought they were on low incomes hence why we did pay for a lot of things but turns out they are not.

Well you've definitely sealed the deal with this part of your narrative.
Friendship over and done with, they'd never darken my door again.
You're obviously lovely, giving people.
Just move on and never treat them again to your generosity.

Will you be my friend OP? 😀

Of course ❤️

I hate mean people, but I also dislike those that are over generous, I find it patronising and showing off. Good manners to split costs or take it in turns. I would not accept either their behaviour or your husband with his Billy big balls. Tell him to knock it off.

Yanbu but you should have learned from the first time?

You lost me at this part:

We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated.

They are stingey, rude cheeky fuckers. They’ve told you this from the get-go.

Never offer to host or meet up with them again.

You and H need your heads examining - ditch the CFs
ps H and I are good company, pay our way and are available anytime!

My DH is not a Billy big balls whatsoever. We are actually a very humble and low key couple. It's hard when you walk into a pub and they sit down and expect drinks. Same in the taxi, sit in the back and the get out before fare is paid. Please don't be disrespectful to my DH who is the most lovely, kind person you could ever wish to meet.

As I said before we had no problem paying for dinner, drinks etc but the fact they never offered or seemed grateful is the issue.

Is there a big disparity in finances. For example, is your holiday home in a really deprived third world country so although they are comfortable there they can’t afford lot in your country? That said, it would have been polite of them to bring some gifts as a minimum. Otherwise they’re just freeloading.

I had a very similar situation last year. Not a close friendship but one made through our same-age children. I let them stay in one of our holiday houses as I knew money was tight, and they needed a break. Kitted it out for them. Bought them wine and food in the fridge, as well as a hamper. I suggested they stay for 3 or 4 nights but when they knew it was free, they wanted a week. They broke the brand new rug cutting something on it, damaged the electrical socket and didn't bother to tell me until they were leaving (so I had to find an emergency electrician as had guests coming in), didn't take their waste out as 'there were not enough bags left for us' so it was all piled up in the kitchen and never even bothered to wash the dishes for a week so the place stank. All left in the sink for housekeepers to sort out. Lost the TV remote as well, and didn't know where it was when I asked them. Wet towels left to fester on the new flooring. They didn't even say thanks for the holiday, but did mention they would like to come again (not likely!). When they were staying, they rang me to ask if I would be paying for them to visit a local expensive attraction (since they 'assumed' I would pay for entertainment as well). I refused as I was quite annoyed by the cheek. Reading what happened to you, we must know the same family. Never again 😆.

They showed their true colours when you were on holiday, more fool you for inviting them to stay

OP they sound awful. You have to be Irish!
This is a situation I would get myself into, invite anyone who seems nice to my home and host them. The Irish saying when you are a visitor - never go with your two arms the one length! If I am staying with people I would probably bring the price of a travel lodge in gifts 🙈