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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hosting guests, did we expect to much?

399 replies

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 13:13

Apologies for the long post.

We met a couple abroad a couple of years ago where we have a holiday home. Kept in touch via what's app and met up them when we were abroad at the same time. We got on well but did notice they were a bit mean. My DH is overly generous and they were happy to accept my DH paying for dinner, drinks etc and never reciprocated. I kept telling my DH to stop paying for things but that's who he is.

Anyway DH then invited them to our country to stay for the weekend. We have a rental that we had just finished refurbishing and he offered them the accommodation before we put it up for rent. They gladly accepted and booked flights.

The rental is high quality, top spec and in a very sought after part of our country/area. We made sure it was kitted out with toiletries, towels, fridge was stocked with drinks and treats etc.

We collected them from the airport after a 4 hour delay ( not their fault). First night we had drinks in the local and got a takeaway on the way home. Second day we had booked a tour ( their request). My DH had booked and paid for it and told them how much it was. They never mentioned paying for the tour so DH didn't say anything more about it as he was thinking they might offer to get food, drinks etc. DH paid for three taxid, again they didn't offer. We bought the alcohol for our home that they drink and cooked lovely food, desserts etc. In total my DH spent close to 800 quid the weekend they were here.

In return they contributed nothing bar buying a few drinks for themselves when we were out. Surely this is not normal. I know I'm going to be told that it's DH fault for being too generous and I agree and he agrees himself but surely you would expect them to at least buy you a drink at the bare minumum.

OP posts:
MagnaICe · 17/10/2025 16:04

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Original poster
Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 16:04

pinkspeakers · 17/10/2025 16:00

Definitely not normal. They should have paid for at least their half of the tour (I'm not sure why you didn't ask for that tbh). They should have offered to take you out for a nice meal and they should have brought a nice gift of some sort.

We recently stayed with some friends in their holiday home for 3 mights. We brought some foody gifts with us from our previous stop (couldn't carry much as travelling by train with hand luggage), took them out for a nice dinner, offered to pay half the car hire (that was turned down) and generally contributed at least our fair share of costs while we were out and about.

You are a good friend. I visit my Aunt once every 6 weeks for an overnight stay. She is widowed and has a child with Autism. It's a 1.5 hour journey. I always bring a bottle of gin for my Aunt and chocolate for my cousin. Its just a small gesture for having me in her home.

OP posts:
Littlemisscapable · 17/10/2025 16:06

Seelybe · 17/10/2025 15:31

@Wardrobemarker as the friendship is over, why don't you send them a bill for their share of the trip day out at least? Their tickets and half the cost of everything else. With a breezy message 'we never got round to settling up for the trip you asked us to book, could you transfer it now please? Your share was x, y, z so XYZ total. Many thanks - bank details are .....'

Yes do this. At least you will be calling them out on their miserly behaviour and they don't take advantage of someone else. They are awful.

Original poster
Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 16:06

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That is really nasty and such an insult to people who have cancer.

OP posts:
RogerR4bbit · 17/10/2025 16:08

How hard up are you for friends that you have to pay people to spend time with you?

If you think that’s harsh, try dropping them a note saying “the trip cost X and the dinner was Y, if you could transfer you share to these bank details it would be appreciated” and realise that you’ll never see them again.

They’re CFs

Original poster
Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 16:10

RogerR4bbit · 17/10/2025 16:08

How hard up are you for friends that you have to pay people to spend time with you?

If you think that’s harsh, try dropping them a note saying “the trip cost X and the dinner was Y, if you could transfer you share to these bank details it would be appreciated” and realise that you’ll never see them again.

They’re CFs

Very hard up for friends.

OP posts:
whataweekImhaving · 17/10/2025 16:12

They sound awful but I think you’ll have to just write the money off.

Just don’t contact them again.

Linenpickle · 17/10/2025 16:14

I would definitely send a text to say oh silly me I forgot to give you my bank details for the tour and stuff and approach it that way. And then I would never pay a penny for them again or host them as they are just scrounges.

redjeans28 · 17/10/2025 16:17

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Horrible comment. The jealousy is pouring out of you.

sandyhappypeople · 17/10/2025 16:23

I don't think you should ask for any money now, the time has passed.

Just use it as a learning experience, don't say anything to them, keep it friendly if you like them enough as people but never offer first to do anything, if they suggest something just bat it into the long grass, you need to learn from this and you may find they disappear naturally if they realise their free ride has ran out.

CF like these rely on other people's generosity and awkwardness about asking for money, I've got one in my family! If you go in somewhere for a drink/meal etc, they will go and sit straight down in silence! Relying on whoever is going to the bar etc to ask them what they would like then go and pay for it, it is beyond cheeky! After it happened three times in a row I realised it was a well practised routine and now I just go and order what I want then go and sit down and ask them what they are going to order?

The only way to deal with them is to play them at their own game, my DH took a while to cotton on to it as he is also very generous, but in the end I flat out TOLD him to stop offering as they never reciprocated with him either and it was pissing me off to watch it happen, so he stopped, nothing has changed in the relationship, we just don't get fleeced at every opportunity anymore! Everyone pays for themselves.

the main crux of it (and my family member) is that they think you are more well off than them so should be the ones paying, it makes me cringe to be honest.

Mothership4two · 17/10/2025 16:24

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Envy
ohyesido · 17/10/2025 16:31

Wow. They have made a huge mug of your DH. He needs to reflect on why he’s going to such lengths to please others

Boomer55 · 17/10/2025 16:34

Thry showed you how and what they are. So don’t invite them again.

egganbacofoil · 17/10/2025 16:36

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WTAF Nasty comment!

RawBloomers · 17/10/2025 16:57

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 15:30

I don't think you have read all my posts. They had mentioned on numerous occasions that they would like to visit our country but accommodation costs and general expenses would be very expensive. My DH then invited them to stay in our rental free of charge. In the rental we provided towels, toiletories drinks, snacks, treats. We also cooked breakfast the three mornings they were here and two dinners with desserts.

We didn't take them anywhere without discussing the costs. They specifically asked to do a tour which DH booked but not before consulting them about the price. We stayed away from eating and drinking in the "tourist" hot spots but stayed close enough to the areas so still got the same vibe.

Also has previously stated we are from the same cultural background. Very similar.

Show quote history

Sorry. I did miss some of that.

Radiatorvalves · 17/10/2025 17:01

I’m intrigued to know if the CFs have any redeeming features. I recently stayed at a friend’s house (essentially invited myself) and although she was happy for us to stay the night and catch up, I was v conscious that it was a big ask. I took 2 bottles of wine, flowers, homemade jam, some nibbles for the kids and a bag of good quality old clothes for her kids. The brass neck of the CFs is staggering.

Original poster
Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 17:10

Radiatorvalves · 17/10/2025 17:01

I’m intrigued to know if the CFs have any redeeming features. I recently stayed at a friend’s house (essentially invited myself) and although she was happy for us to stay the night and catch up, I was v conscious that it was a big ask. I took 2 bottles of wine, flowers, homemade jam, some nibbles for the kids and a bag of good quality old clothes for her kids. The brass neck of the CFs is staggering.

One of them is quite sweet and a nice person but the other one is more demanding and can be hard work and I think this one rules the roost and the finances.

Your are right. I never arrive at somebody's home as a guest empty handed. I even said to my DH that they could have gave the kids a few quid or ordered them a takeaway or something( kids are teenagers so would have been appreciated).

OP posts:
Ihatetomatoes · 17/10/2025 17:13

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 14:44

They know somebody with a home in the same place so they go there for 10 days at the same time for the last five years or so and have booked their flights for next year. I know the dates they go so that's something. Yes we are fortunate to have what we have but it hasn't come without blood, sweat and tears and lots of sacrifices. Myself and DH are very normal, not flashy, my car is 10 years old and a people carrier and I don't wear expensive clothes or designer brands and neither does DH. We put our money into building up our assets for our future and our children's future.

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Take this as a lesson and don't invite them again. Maybe donate a little to charity (if you don't already) so your husband feels he is being generous without giving to these 2 takers.

Original poster
Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 17:15

Ihatetomatoes · 17/10/2025 17:13

Take this as a lesson and don't invite them again. Maybe donate a little to charity (if you don't already) so your husband feels he is being generous without giving to these 2 takers.

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We sponsor our kids sports club and help out. We also employ a lot of people from our area and surrounding areas.

OP posts:
Rumpledandcrumpled · 17/10/2025 17:19

Littlemisscapable · 17/10/2025 16:06

Yes do this. At least you will be calling them out on their miserly behaviour and they don't take advantage of someone else. They are awful.

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Ph cmon they aren’t going to pay it just block. They obvious think they met some wealthy lonely people who would pay to be with them,these people are virtual strangers and the op and hee husband have gifted them a weeks accommodation for their holiday and 400 pounds in expenses. I mean who does that.

cgwdwnmi · 17/10/2025 17:22

Yes they are cheeky fuckers and spongers. But you invited knowing them what they were like when you met them abroad.
You went over the top filling the fridge with treats etc. Milk, some bread and cheese and a cake or whatever for the arrival day would have been enough and then directions to the nearest supermarket!
Also, you need to communicate more...we'll pay for the taxi there and back, you pay for the drinks... or whatever.

Original poster
Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 17:25

Rumpledandcrumpled · 17/10/2025 17:19

Ph cmon they aren’t going to pay it just block. They obvious think they met some wealthy lonely people who would pay to be with them,these people are virtual strangers and the op and hee husband have gifted them a weeks accommodation for their holiday and 400 pounds in expenses. I mean who does that.

Show quote history

Probably think we are wealthy. Definitely don't think we are lonely. In fact they don't seem to have many friends or go out at all. Myself and DH are the opposite. Large circle of friends abroad and at home that they witnessed first hand.

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 17/10/2025 17:28

Bloody hell, what mean people.

jumpingthehighjump · 17/10/2025 17:30

OP... do they have a timeshare abroad? One where they go the same 2 weeks every year? Because if you own a property, they are probably jealous and decided to just use you because - in their eyes- you are more wealthy

Rumpledandcrumpled · 17/10/2025 17:31

Wardrobemarker · 17/10/2025 17:25

Probably think we are wealthy. Definitely don't think we are lonely. In fact they don't seem to have many friends or go out at all. Myself and DH are the opposite. Large circle of friends abroad and at home that they witnessed first hand.

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Ok, so you think they likely think you’re wealthy. You also think they are not wealthy and don’t have much money. So set them straight, and say how will we split this. I beleive their behaviour to be awful and grabby but I am also not sure yours is much better. You gifted these people hugely and did effectively pay to be with them. It’s odd, op. Really odd.