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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

359 replies

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

OP posts:
ChewyMints · 16/10/2025 23:13

I think you need to say very clearly that you don't like The Daily Mail and consider them to be a malevolent force, degrading journalism to gossip and spiteful rants, and all the other tabloid papers too, or they'll slap this on their website.

That's if you would be bothered by that?

AgnesMcDoo · 16/10/2025 23:19

If she’s paying respect her wishes or don’t go

Original poster
Pline · 16/10/2025 23:24

dancingbymyself · 16/10/2025 22:05

I find your thinking a little odd…like everyone else has a ‘pet’ child to bring with them, so you want one too? Surely the joy of being child-free is that you don’t have to do all the kids’ activities, can offer help if you fancy but equally have adult time too?
It’s like you want to take a child along for status…

I do not think bringing a child would elevate my status. lol. Just that it would make it more relevant. Nephew is a lovely 4 yo. I saw a spare room and thought how much he would enjoy it and how it would keep me in step with the others going. Ie when everyone wonders off for after swimming baths etc. I still enjoy all that as it’s a novelty with nephew and I find him to be quite possibly the most adorable little boy ever. I love having him for the weekend but happy to hand him over and go back to zero responsibilities.

OP posts:
Cotton55 · 16/10/2025 23:26

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:06

Dh and I are the only people not going with young children. Everyone else (bar the grandparents) are young families. I just thought it would address that imbalance. Ie when we’re at the pool or whatever.

Edited

But why can't you just play with your niece and the other children while you're at the pool? I think it's very rude to think you could include your nephew when you're not paying. Just because there's a spare room doesn't mean you have to fill it. It's not your families celebration.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 16/10/2025 23:28

Maybe sil is hoping you will have Ava sometimes, do girly things with her and give her a break and if your nephew comes that will be harder.

Take a few books, a tablet with some downloaded shows, and enjoy some downtime when Ava is otherwise occupied!

Talipesmum · 16/10/2025 23:31

BigDeepBreaths · 16/10/2025 18:27

I dont think you were being particularly rude but i do think you just need to accept SILs reply and go along and enjoy the free trip. No need to overthink it. You askednfor a good reason. She said no for a good reason. End of.

Yes, this. I don’t think you were rude to ask, because you thought it would also be nice for your niece who knows and likes playing with the boy. As well as it being better for you. And it’s a big group thing and there’s a spare room in your lodge. No problem asking.

But your SIL thinks it will be nicer for her birthday daughter if she just gets her lovely auntie by herself, probably niece is really looking forward to seeing you and spending some auntie / niece time together. Which is completely fair enough since it’s all for niece’s birthday.

I don’t think SiL would necessarily think you were being rude, just that it would be nicer for her birthday daughter if she had more chance of 1:1 time with you. It probably hasn’t occurred to her that you’d actually prefer to have an extra child with you - child free time is v valuable to a parent!

Autumngirl5 · 16/10/2025 23:33

I think it was perfectly fine to ask and a lovely gesture. You could always offer to pay for your nephew’s accommodation but I wonder if your SIL wants all the attention to be on her daughter?

sittingonabeach · 16/10/2025 23:39

If there is a spare room why aren’t they getting a smaller lodge?

Which Center Parcs are you going to? You can always leave the site if you are bored and explore the local area

hmnj · 16/10/2025 23:43

I think yab a bit u

Your sil wants her daughter to have a nice time with you - whatever you do with her. She doesn't want a kid there who's essentially pretty random. Not to you obviously, but quite random to them.

SIL is paying. Just go along and enjoy yourself.

loveteandcake · 16/10/2025 23:58

I really wouldn’t care if you brought a child with you, they’ve paid for accommodation and bringing him will not cost them any more, I really don’t see the problem.

No5ChalksRoad · 17/10/2025 00:09

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 16/10/2025 23:28

Maybe sil is hoping you will have Ava sometimes, do girly things with her and give her a break and if your nephew comes that will be harder.

Take a few books, a tablet with some downloaded shows, and enjoy some downtime when Ava is otherwise occupied!

It's pretty rude to invite someone without explicitly saying that they are getting their accommodation paid for because they are expected to be free childcare so mum can kick back and enjoy herself. Buttering OP up with the "Oh Ava loves you and your girly stuff..." is so transparently self-serving.

In OP's shoes I would come up with a work emergency, illness or other way to gracefully worm out of this. Let SIL find another free babysitter to take the room.

CarpetKnees · 17/10/2025 00:15

Yes, YABU and incredibly rude.

Do you also fall into the category of people who demand they can take other not-invited people to weddings too ?
Do you insist your dh goes to that lunch with the girls ?

Taking people from outside the group that is doing anything, completely changes the dynamic of the group.

QuayshhLawrain · 17/10/2025 00:18

I appear to be in the minority, but I don't think you were unreasonable to ask; it was a nice idea and I understand why you asked. Equally, your SIL is not being unreasonable to veto the idea; she's paying for the trip and wants her DD to be the focus, which is totally fine. You appear to have accepted your SIL's "no" @Pline, but I wouldn't be beating myself up for asking.

MajesticWhine · 17/10/2025 00:20

It’s not rude to have asked but you have to accept the answer. The person paying has a certain amount of control.
If it was me I would spend a LOT of time in the spa or doing some racket sports. But I get it’s not everyone’s idea of fun.

Sharptonguedwoman · 17/10/2025 00:24

Checkcheckout · 16/10/2025 18:00

Hmm I think if they’re paying then they get to choose who comes. BTW there’s loads to do at CP without kids, you’ll have a much better time without having to look after a small child. Although it does sound maybe like SIL is planning on you doing some childcare for her own child?

This. SIL would lose her babysitter.

AllFadestoBlack · 17/10/2025 00:24

I understand your reasoning OP and I personally wouldn't mind you bringing your nephew.

What I do find odd is a paid for extended family trip to centre parcs for a 4/5 year old's birthday. Is the whole trip about the birthday girl, will you be allowed to do things without her or the group. I can see why you'd be bored.

TheAquaPoster · 17/10/2025 00:28

As she’s paying for everyone (which must of cost her a fortune) then no I wouldn’t have asked I would have felt a bit cheeky asking. However if you were paying for yourselves I would have taken him. However her financing the the whole break then she has every right to say no

Gymnopedie · 17/10/2025 00:28

If it was me I would spend a LOT of time in the spa or doing some racket sports. But I get it’s not everyone’s idea of fun.

The problem with this (and similar posts) is that it is going to take away from OP's 'girly' time with the birthday girl. Is that going to be just as much of an issue for the SIL as bringing another child? It does depend on how much time and attention OP is being expected to give.

And OP only says that SIL (and presumably BIL) are paying for the accommodation. If they were covering all the expense for food, activities etc wouldn't the OP have said so?

Zodiacrobat · 17/10/2025 00:32

ladycarlotta · 16/10/2025 19:13

I don't think you're the childcare. I think you're the fun auntie the birthday girl is excited to spend time with. If you turn up in loco parents to another child, you don't get to enjoy the same unencumbered fun auntie time. I imagine both niece and nephew might feel cheesed off and territorial.

I really think it's fair enough. It's the birthday girl's special weekend, you can't just bring extra people.

Agree with this.

Zodiacrobat · 17/10/2025 00:38

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 16/10/2025 19:23

I don't think you were wrong to ask.

I also think I'd decline since SIL said no.

But that's me.

Would you really be such a drama llama? Put a massive strain on family relationships with that snub, risk the contact with niece going forward, just because SIL said no to a very cheeky request in the first place when she’s paying?
Jeez.

Zodiacrobat · 17/10/2025 00:43

No5ChalksRoad · 16/10/2025 19:47

I don't know anyone who would raise a child who thinks she can dictate what adults do and don't do, and how much attention an adult pays them.

Or who thinks that just because it's her birthday, a group of 15 people must dance to her tune 24/7.

Show quote history

Now you’re just being ridiculous. No mention of dictating anything! Just a niece wants to spend time with fun auntie that’s all.

Dontbeme · 17/10/2025 00:46

This birthday break sounds like hell on earth to me OP. I would be catching a bug and letting SIL know that she needs to entertain her own child.

Ivy888 · 17/10/2025 00:49

op, your sister’s child is not part of this family. It’s weird to bring him.

opencecilgee · 17/10/2025 02:43

is the birthday girl only 4?

What a lot of expense.

I highly doubt the birthday girl would care about an extra kid. Actually kids rather spend time with other kids than “girly time” with adults.

JMSA · 17/10/2025 03:27

Really unreasonable, sorry. It’s not for you to decide who goes, especially as you’re not paying your own way.

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