Things you wouldn't admit in real life part 2

[TwinklyFawn]

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Is there venom? Judgment yes and I agree it's wrong, given that there are too many people in the world already, so if you only have one child you are contributing less to the environmental crisis.

I agree and I was brought up here! I spent a lot of time in the US and in France and Spain, though, so I don't consider myself to be thoroughly British.

As for the person who hates Americans, how insular. A lot of things you dislike about American men are even truer of British men imo. I agree the religious nutters are something else, but they are a vocal and tedious minority.

Conversely, I judge people who fastidiously rinse before using the dishwasher. Let it do its work and just clean its filter when necessary. You've done almost all the labour it was supposed to be saving by the time you've rinsed everything off!

Relatedly, I judge people/ cultures/ initiatives which strike me as pleasure-hating. I know the Scandinavian countries have excellent public services (and concomitantly high taxes), but making people queue outside a state-controlled shop to buy booze just totally turns me off.

* Opens bottle of Veuve Cliquot rosé bought online at Ocado. *

@ForRealViper said

Yet another thing I never admit out loud:

Maybe it's because I grew up abroad, but I find 99% of things that British people cling onto as "lovely little/simple/traditional pleasures" to be sad and dull. Then there's this constant accompanying act of "tee hee, we know it's a bit rubbish, and that makes it cute!".

But I know I'm a grump, and the world can be a depressing place, so I let people enjoy their sandy beach picnics and biccie crumbs on the sofa or whatever.

Being made happy by small things is a great quality to have. I would be for the poorer without it.
My DC still talk about my picnics from when they were v small. They were objectively crap but thoroughly enjoyable sitting in a NT garden or a country park.

There was a thread on here about expensive days out for children. Many posted that they paid £££ for legoland or a safari park etc and the children afterwards said the best bit was playing with the gravel in the car park or finding a stick or similar!

Maybe it's just a child like quality that I have retained (and my DD's). I thoroughly enjoy a muddy walk in windy weather and a coffee afterwards. I also love my airport breakfast. I love to see the sea and walk by it, even in cold weather.

Life would be terribly dull if I had to have flashy, luxurious or expensive things to make me feel joy

The best part about it is the schadenfreude of watching other people get dived on by hungry seagulls. 🍿

Never happened to me (yet), I must have such unapproachability that even the seagulls won't come near me. Probably the loungewear and messy bun that scares them off.

"...looking at you, scrunch bum leggings"

Oh yes, feature arsehole pants. Horrifying

I really dislike the tipping culture and the expectation that comes with it. If I order something, whether it’s a service or a product, I pay the listed price. If I get good service, that’s because someone takes pride in their work, and I’m glad to have supported that by paying for it. If the service is poor, I expect a discount or a replacement. Simple as that.

Why should I be expected to add extra money on top? I’m not your employer. I’m your employer’s client. If you feel underpaid, that’s something to take up with them, not the customer.

😂😂😂😂

People make such a big thing of age gaps over 2 years on here. I grew up with a twin and another sibling who was 4 years older than me and to me 4 years was just a normal age gap. Half of my friends all had siblings in the same year as my elder one. Granted we aren't close now but as children and teenagers, we all played together, had days out together, got on as teenagers. There was never any problem and in fact it was usually me that was the one left out as my twin and elder sibling were both boys and liked football, hiking, same films etc.

People saying anything over two years is like two only children are speaking out their arse.

@ForRealViperi can relate to that.

My mum was similar, although I think she also has some other issues going on (I think she is probably autistic and I know she has unresolved trauma from her childhood which she will never address).

I see photos of myself up to around age 6. Nice girly clothes, hair neatly done up in a top knot by mum, little white socks.

Photos from around 7+…..outfits cobbled together from bags of hand me downs from neighbours, and stuff taken from my brothers room. Hair was a rats nest of tugs. I never had an appropriate jacket. When I’d go out with friends in the winter their mums would always give me a spare jacket.

Mum is a real snob and I still can’t understand why she wasn’t really embarrassed by this? She just had no interest.

I had a friend when I was around 12 and went through a stage of sleeping over every Saturday night along with a friend of her sisters. One time, when the mum picked me up, I asked where the friends sister was and the mum said “oh she said ‘no, why don’t you come to me this time?’ So they are are her house’”

I was absolutely burning with shame, as I felt it was quite a pointed comment that we really should be taking jt in turns to have my friend stay over. I hadn’t realised until that point. I was so embarrassed.

mum didn’t seem to pick up on it.

I asked her if my friend could stay over next time and she eventually said yes. It was the worst sleepover ever becuase i was just so on edge. My room was a mess, my mum didn’t make nice dinners that we all liked, everyone sitting round the table together, with dessert for after. She just made the usual chicken nuggets and left them on the table and told us they were there.

I just felt so embarrassed the whole time and was very grumpy with my friend.

My mum also just looks totally blindsided when speaking to me. It’s like she just doesn’t know what to say to me. She just kind of monologues about herself, or else it’s just silence.

Your post hit me hard @yeriknow . It’s really tough going being the daughter of such a mother. Mine was also traumatised and had no clue at all how to deal with a sensitive girl (she wanted another boy). I had an older brother who was the golden child. She really did do her best, but had no clue as to how to relate to me. It’s taken a while (decades!) to become confident. She passed away some years ago and I had such mixed feelings to process. A weird double grief- the mother I had and the one I wish I had had but never got.

I dont have a nice temperament

Why do you say that? If it came from someone else then how do you know it is true and not bullying or emotional abuse?

I dont know really. I think i don't suffer fools and I struggle with tolerance. Like I really don't want to hear my work colleagues problems on repeat.

oh you can join my club! I suspect that the majority of people are the same!

I think being avoidance had cost me alot.

sorry I am not sure you posted what you wanted to post? Not sure what "being avoidance" means?

Me too!

Sorry I mean avoidant. Auto correct. I mean that instead of telling time wasters and losers to sod off ill let thing continue to my detriment. I am getting better though.

maybe it would help if you tried a middle way. You don't have to say sod off, you can say stuff like "I mustn't keep you" "well I do have to get on" along with moving away or turning away....I mean sod off works too though!

Lol. I mean I ended up married when I didn't want to to save other people's feelings ! Im super avoidant!

bloody hell!

That doesn’t meet the definition of avoidant at all. Look it up and please don’t bandy psychiatric terms around unless you have been diagnosed as it is insulting to those who are actually suffering with the disorders in question.