Things you wouldn't admit in real life part 2

[TwinklyFawn]

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I am in my 70's only ebver slept with one man, my late husband, also married in my 20's. Zero regrets and it was entirely my own choice.

I’m not really all that bothered about sex. I can take it or leave it. Mostly I’d rather leave it. I just can’t be arsed. It’s not DH, it’s anyone. Only time I’m vaguely “in the mood” is after a few drinks. If me and DH split, I definitely couldn’t be arsed with dating.

I don’t think I’ve said anything unpleasant. I shared my cousin’s experience to show that people can improve their mental health, it wasn’t about judgment. I know exactly what he went through, and that’s why I wish he’d taken responsibility for his own healing and took steps to prove to himself that he could do it. That’s something I wish for anyone struggling. If that offends you, I’m honestly not sure why. Not everything is an attack. Refusing to stay stuck in victim mode isn’t heartless, it’s realistic. You seem quick to take issue with my opinion, but disagreement doesn’t make someone wrong or insensitive

That transwomen cannot be women and will never be women. Wear all the dresses you want. Slather on the make up and totter around in sky high heels. Knock yourself out. I really couldn't give a damn if you want to cos-play at being a woman. But it doesn't make you a woman.

And if this post gets deleted it will just perfectly illustrate my point. Trying to shut down and erase the voice of a woman.....? How very typically male.

I think the venom towards only children and their parents is disgusting

Hi @Muffinmam I also have HS, in fact I’m currently on treatment for an episode.

Have you tried anti-biotic treatment? This normally clears it up for me, not every time but mostly. The most effective one I found for it was Flucloxacillin (a penicillin based anti-b). However after many years I developed a reaction to it and had to discontinue. I’m now on non-penicillin based anti-b’s.

In response to your query about surgery, I did have to go down this route for 3x excisions, out of the 3 only one was successful and still resulted in a fairly deep cavity wound that required daily nurse dressing, with cleaning, packing wound and re-dressing. This was back when they had NHS walk in centres, does anyone remember those? It took a long time to heal. The following surgical removals were not good, one was incredibly painful and left me with a big, awful seeping wound that took an age to heal. The second v similar but I got a nasty infection to boot, which burst the stitches and again was very tricky wound management. I think this can be common with surgical removal, which is why they don’t necessarily always recommend it. My preference the last 15 years is to quickly knock it out with antibiotics before the infection gets too deep/ problematic.

Also the problem with surgery that a consultant told me, was they can remove that infected follicle/ sweat gland and tissue (basically do surgery for that episode) but more crop up in a different area/s so surgery is not an effective preventative due to the nature of the disease.

Speak to your Dr about antibiotics though, I never got anywhere with the compresses or topical treatments either. It is thought to be hormone related. All the v best with it, it is tough.

Thanks - I got extra prescriptions for topical antibiotics and if it gets bad and I get tracts forming then I go and get oral antibiotics. I’m allergic to penicillin. Right now they aren’t even infected. They are just blood filled cysts. When it gets bad sinus tracts form and I need to get oral antibiotics and then I use chlorhexadine surgical wash every time I shower I use a fresh towel.

It’s so gross.

Absolutely, we've already seen it on this thread. I normally find it's people who have failed to have any meaningful relationship outside their own tiny family which in itself is quite sad.

I don't understand people who can say with absolute certainty that friends "will never be like siblings". Of course they can and in my case they've provided more support and care than either of my siblings have.

I have two children but I didn't have them both so they "wouldn't be alone" later on in life as is the reason that so many people give for having two. I'd be pretty sad if they didn't have any other meaningful and deep relationship outwith their sibling relationship.

yup its like if you are childless, you will be lonely in old age.

Absolutely. I work in elderly care and find many people who don't have children are very involved in their communities, church groups etc and are well connected and not lonely. And I see older adults who have children who have moved away and work full time and have lives on their own who spend the majority of their day, day in day out on their own and are very lonely.

Yes and sadly attitudes are picked up by the children. I was an only child and other families very much thought ours was a bit odd as a result. I was made to feel different right from the start of primary. My friend’s mum even said to my mum “but your family isn’t complete” little did she know my mum would have loved another child.

I hope that attitudes are slowly changing, certainly it’s much more common to be an only child. Most of my ds7’s friends are only children.

My mother’s partner had everything at my mother’s funeral his own way. Including the scattering of the ashes a year later. I have only the vaguest idea where they are. I didn’t get a look in. I resent that I evidently meant very little and it was all about her partner’s grief and needs. And I felt I had to pretend I was fine with it, when I needed to grieve too.

A close friend of mine died recently and her family didn’t have a funeral, rather, a celebration of life. I thought it was a great idea at first, but actually it was awful, for me anyway. I felt like I had to be happy all day because it was hyped up to be a party. But for me there was no reason to celebrate, she had died in her early 50s, her youngest dc had only just finished sixth form. It wasn’t like she was in her 90s. Some people who had only met her once turned up, clearly for the free food, a catch up with their mates and for a jolly afternoon off work, and were surprised that some people were sad. I found it really disrespectful of them. But it was obviously what she and her family wanted, so who am I to say anything.

@cadburyegg yeah, my mum’s was a bit like that. Barely any mention of her having been a mother. Lots of stuff about what a wonderful friend and church member she had been. We were supposed to wear bright clothes. I just wanted to be really sad and wear black. Long, endless sit down meal after having to talk to people who seemed vaguely surprised she had a daughter.

I don't think its disrespectful of a family to arrange the funeral that will comfort them. I do think its disrespectful of people to show surprise that anyone there was sad. I guess the people who had only met her once must have had some connection otherwise the family wouldn't have invited them? I get it, i really do. When my husband died we had a very private cremation service, 3 people one of who was me. Our parents were dead and he had no siblings. I know this shocked many people and some even approached me and said could they come.I said no. I chose to have it that way because I could not have coped with anything else. Did you expect it to be awful before you went?

who arranged it?

My mum’s partner- they’d been together for 25 years, so fair enough,

that's very sad but I get it, he was mourning the woman he knew.

I’m not judging you, some ppl claim they or their kids have it when they don’t, but have you read more than one article about it online? It’s a neurological disorder - that’s an undisputed biological fact.

And people telling me to have another child incase mine dies are fucked up individuals

oh that is really low and nasty

That's an awful thing to be told, families come in all shapes and sizes. Hopefully as you say attitudes are changing now. I have a friend and her husband and her just have the one child and I remember her describing her family as this "one small tight unit" and it just struck me how joyous and complete they all felt and it was just a lovely description of a very happy family.

I have relatives who were never able to have children. Considering the horrible mood swings of the wife that she flatly refuses to seek help for (she can go without talking to her husband for up to a week about something as twatty as the state of his sock drawer, and once on holiday went into a massive strop when he corrected her about whose 60th birthday party something had happened at, which she then decided to turn round on me for not getting out of the car quickly enough - never mind the fact that she had been sulking for ages before we even got there) there's a part of me that's relieved that no child had to grow up in that atmosphere with that behaviour.

I’m jealous of anyone who has families that bond with each other and go on holidays. My parents both have a sister (DM’s died 3 years ago) and they never got on. I have no association with cousins as all male and they are 10-12 years older or 8-12 years younger. Last time I saw them was at our grandparents’ funerals and I never spoke to them.

See on FB friends who go on holiday with parents, sibling(s) and their DC.

Yep I've actually been told this. My mate had 2 kids due to this reason!