Things you wouldn't admit in real life part 2

[TwinklyFawn]

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I really hope your daughter goes on to jave a happy life 💐.

Surely though there is room for levels of disability?

Ive known people with pretty mild ASD... They still have it....but many of the symptoms are invisible... It still causes them distress and impairs their functioning but obvs not as extremely as your son

The same with many ADHD traits.. Especially in women. It truly is exhausting and often quite debilitating having ADHD

I think i have a personality disorder.

There should be room for different levels of disability, but I've had arguments with posters here on Mumsnet who insist that there aren't different levels of severity in e.g. autism.

One poster specifically claimed their child who goes to mainstream school and will very probably be independent one day has the same severity of autism as a child who will never be able to function independently. They said there's just different levels of masking etc.

I think that's madness and I don't at all blame parents like @secretrocker for resenting such people.

That sounds awful. Why haven't you told close family? Have you been offered biologics or anything else for that?

Because I have so many health problems I couldn't bring myself to start complaining about something else. I've been on a biologic for a year and it's improved the psoriasis on other parts of my body but not there. I'm off to the dermatologist again next week and I'm hoping she says she can switch me to something else.

Argh…
I work FT with an autistic child and may at some point have to leave my job because of the impossible challenge of affording and finding qualified paid care for him around SEN school hours. It’s a huge struggle but Ife always consoled myself that if I need it the welfare state is there. He gets high rate DLA (doesn’t touch the sides of the costs!).

Posts like this really upset me because I worry that they feed a narrative that people don’t need support really and everyone can just buck their ideas up. But if I had to leave my job it really, really wouldn’t have been for lack of trying to juggle caring and working.

Don't worry about posters like this. It will eventually come back and bite them in the arse at renewal when more evidence is needed.

Me too.

I took down lots of those horrible signs about social distancing in parks, at bus stops, and ripped markers off the pavement. I did it when it was dark and rainy, so there would be fewer witnesses. Lots of the signs were cheap and flimsy, so could easily be ripped down. I sneaked into one park at 11pm to get rid of one which particularly irked me. With lots of them, the sign stayed in place after the cable ties were snipped, and when I returned the next day, it was gone. (Later, I learned lots of people did this covertly, thinking there needed to be a visible resistance to the madness.)

I can’t say this in real life because I am the product of a second family. But IMO people should only have children with one person. It seems to be automatic in the UK that as soon as a marriage breaks down people move on immediately and get married, blend families, have more children as if that’s the only thing to do.

I’ve been split from my exh 5 years now and I can’t imagine anything worse for my children than forcing them to live with an unrelated man and his children. And worse is the fact that it’s an expectation!!

This is a very unpopular view because on here people overdramatise and say “well is the single parent supposed to stay single forever” as if dating without living together is impossible.

Im so annoyed. I literally wrote this yesterday and it got deleted for not meeting guidelines. Mods??? Grrr...

Anyways, hard, hard agree arraminta

I have a friend in her 80s who was recently widowed. She and her late husband didn't have children.
She doesn't have close family.
She spends her time going to lectures, exhibitions, art galleries, walking tours with friends, and volunteering (among other things).
She's fortunate to be fit and active.
She also helps out the "old ladies" in her area by picking up shopping for them. They range in age from 75-99.

She said she sometimes feels lonely in the evenings at home, but that's about it for any complaints.

As others have said, not everyone wants children. Not everyone can have children.
Some people have sadly lost their children.
Or, as in the case of a friend of mine, they became estranged from them because of their behaviour.

I’m currently in a huge Marks and Sparks cafe and the entire place is full of young healthy-looking work refusers retirees. I reckon there’s a good hundred work-years collectively left in this lot before they collapse into the dust like that horse in Gone with the Wind. 🤣 I want to yell “OK, lunchtime’s over, back to work everyone!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Those couples where the man/husband does all the finances is awful practice. I believe this is more of an elderly person thing. As the younger people are more financially aware.

The problem is when the DH dies. His widow has no clue with money. Even I knew women who didn't know which bank their DHs banked at!

A former colleague/friend didn't have bank cards. They are in all of her DHs name. So when she decided to some shopping, DH gave her £50-200 in cash. She didn't know who supplies her gas/electric plus the various insurances - home, car. She used to say "(DH's name) deals with that"

I dunno. I see posts on here where the woman is saying that she does it all and the male partner has no idea...and they are not old. I do agree with you though, its a bad idea for so many reasons.

Whenever some B celeb pops up on TV wailing about the death of their 'rock' or their 'soul mate', you can be sure they will be shacked up with someone else within 3 months.

Looking at you Simon Thomas, Rio Ferdinand etc

It’s not automatic. I’ve never seen so many frankly bonkers blended families as on mumsnet. Of course we all know that you don’t have to move in worh your boyfriend.

i agree it’s awful for the children.

i think the pressure (from what I can tell from mn, I don’t see so much of this in real life) comes from the men. So many women posting on here “my kids and I have a nice life, AIBU to resist fucking it all up for some guy who wants to move his thuggish kids into their house?”

I've found my person!

I’m completely stuck in a relationship with somebody I don’t love. He has Parkinson’s and I’m totally trapped. There’s no one I can talk to about this, as it’s so selfish.I genuinely don’t know what to do. I feel like my life is over.

You are tedious!

Thank you. You are probably right that there is past trauma in the case of my husband. A lot of the issues with PIL seemed to be around shielding SIL. I think it was mainly about hiding the MH problems, rather than getting treatment. They also never stood up to her when there was an outburst and she is extremely difficult/malicious/manipulative. It is a really grim situation as she probably would not tolerate others anymore (plus is massively difficult) making independence unlikely. I think FIL may have had a filthy temper in the past. I really hope it wasn’t anything else and had no indication from my husband. It seems SIL is the one isolating PIL and now FIL, by making family relationships unpleasant and blocking outside support.

Unfortunately the levels of unpleasantness (from my husband), insanity and manipulation (from this part of the wider family) make me too afraid to divorce in case any level of shared custody is granted.

I'm a functioning alcoholic.

I've not recovered from my divorce two and a half years ago.

My husband was abusive.

He assaulted me, had a conviction for common assault and battery against me in 2015 yet it was me who made getting back together happen. It took two years to get an apology from him.

I'm depressed and have PTSD.

Bizarrely, I still miss him.

I truly worry about our social care costs in the future. we have so many children with Autism and or adhd. Many will live adult lives where they can cope but many won't, they will need long term care because their parents can't cope or just don't want to be looking after a violent 30 year old man. Or there will be cases where parents have died or are ill and siblings won't take on the care. It's not just SEND children it is the many cases of young people with anxiety and other issues.

I can tell you that we don't have many more children with these illnesses in terms of percentages., There are of course many more people of all kinds so the number of sufferers will rise with the population. What we are seeing is an increase in diagnosis and help although I agree the services are still under resourced. In many cases this will mean less people need intensive support in adulthood. I have worked in an old fashioned residential mental health hospital some 50 years ago. Treatments and community support were not really options and people who had no one to care for them were just shoved in these places and literally kept under lock and key. Basically the people still existed but very few people who weren't related to them knew about them. It was something to be ashamed of, they were never visited and very rarely left the hospital. I believe that we are "seeing" a rise, not because there are more but because they are more visible and more are getting help.
This is where I worked. It and its sister hospitals close by were buiit to hold around 3,500 residents and thatw as just for middlesex and the environs. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Napsbury_Hospital

Unfortunately there doesn't need to be war on for a person to experience severe mental illness. That's not how it works. If you don't understand this, just be grateful you haven't experienced it and support those who do.