I couldn't express it here adequately, and people would chime in that it was understandable or not depending on their leanings. I find human psychology fascinating because we all judge and we all think 'i would never do that' but actually we really don't know. There is another thread here with people saying they would support their child even if they were in prison for a terrible crime. Weirdly I would. But this I can't because if she is in my life she will destroy it.
For me, it was that I was in an abusive relationship with her father, emotionally physically mentally psychologically. When I left she was 16 and she was beginning to act like him, and when I left she helped him to continue his abuse - she was essentially doing her fathers dirty work. Stalking me, sabotaging my work and relationships, malicious reporting (to my work/family/friends/landlords/DWP), her siblings, it was endless. She was physically abusive to me too. For years and years I tried with her, because I blamed myself for staying with her dad for so long and saw that as why she was like she was. The straw that broke the camels back was when she helped him in court over custody by lying and this deeply hurt me, and her younger siblings. She told the court reporter that I used to masturbate in front of her when she was a child. All lies of course, but that was the end for me. I will never ever forgive her for that.
There is so much more, but that was what broke me. She has gone on, however, to try and alienate my younger children from me and tell them lies about me. She helped her father cause so so much damage and she continues to. She truly wants me to believe I am mad and bad. He no longer has access to me, so he uses her to abuse me, and cutting her off was the only way to save myself. Loving her almost destroyed me. This may sound dramatic but it is a fact. I tried to kill myself over it many times (i wasnt very good at it). I cant be on social media, I cant reveal my address, I am basically 'in hiding' from her and my ex husband. She is a very very dangerous individual. And she is cruel. if she knew where I worked what I did for a living she would contact my boss (as she has in the past) and write messages about how awful I am. When this happened int he past it was professionally mortifying and damaging.
My therapy was very much based around the fact I was always looking behind her behaviour, trying to understand it, make excuses for her, that it was my fault because I raised her in that home and she was modelling what she saw, but I spent YEARS apologising and trying to 'make amends' but ultimately she was an adult who was still abusing me and I allowed it. She still would now if she could get access to me.
I have not told her I don't love her. I would never be that cruel. I have told her that I love her deeply, think about her all the time as a child and I treasure those times (I do), but I will never be able to forgive her and I want nothing to do with her. I have also had to threaten the police many times (which she ignores).
I have come a long way, because writing this does make me a bit worried about judgements and comments I may have, but not anywhere near as much as it would have done 3 years ago. I know Im a good person, I was and am a good mother, and I know I did not deserve this. I deserved better and to be treated by my child with love and respect. I didn't get that. I have had to move on and put myself first. Quite frankly if I didn't my mental health would be utterly destroyed and I may not even be here.