Things you wouldn't admit in real life part 2

[TwinklyFawn]

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Do they know? Have you ever told them? Would love to know more

Well, it wouldn't be because it isn't true. But that doesn't make it any less of an unpleasant experience.

I think I'm one of those first people! I'm pretty certain many would consider my life boring but I honestly love it. I look at people with exciting lives (travel, high-flying careers, dramatic love lives etc) and just think it looks exhausting.

my apologies, I was referring to this post by

NoOneToCallWhenThePlaneLands · Today 12:53
"This is a thread to admit this type of thing without judgment. I don’t believe ADHD is a thing."

as I posted earlier, it was first described in 1796 so, while i can see that lifestyle changes might be beneficial in some circumstances, I doubt its the whole story.
www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adhd-history

Oh my god. What an absolute bloody curdling gut wrenching nightmare to be the mother of someone who's done that.

It's in no way your fault and thank god you called the police. Thankyou from all mothers out there for doing that.

I'm sorry that you are also a victim because of this. I hope you can build your life away from the horrors of that situation.

Thank you for phoning the police. You're a good person in a terrible situation. I hope you allow yourself to have friends in the future.

I’ve also had the privilege of being given the most beautiful vision of what comes after, that has given me a lot of strength in difficult times. And I’ve heard angels sing, you would not believe how beautiful they sound! The tears just streamed down my face when I heard them, and the music that was accompanying them it was indescribable.

It was a few years ago now after the vision of the end of the world that I heard a prophecy through a reliable source (there are very few I trust) and it matched what I saw. They saw the same thing

I need to know more about this, no one knows you rent it? Is it expensive? Where do you family think you are? The peace and quiet must be off the chart, I love this!

Same. I'm a complete and utter gluttonous lazy demotivated, procrastinating, chore avoiding skank on my days off. I tell people (including myself) how busy I've been when not a work 😬 (lie). I feel shit for being so lazy but then I feel shit if I rush around too much (my body has got way to used to sleeping in the day) I will add I do have an extremely busy job and two gorgeous children that keep me very busy, but I still have very little excuse to loaf as carelessly as I do (repeatedly) on my days off. I see nobody and do nothing and even shut the curtains some days and just get back in bed. I get easily overwhelmed with life though and probably have undiagnosed mental health problems. Or I could just be a lazy so and so. Could be either tbf.

That’s such a massive generalisation. Any condition will be impacted by poor eating habits from a skin condition to an auto immune disease. Current research indicates ADHD runs in families, can be down to brain anatomy, brain injury, toxins, environmental factors, etc.

I’m mid 50s. I don’t eat junk food and never have yet I have been diagnosed with CPTSD which I’ve been told is almost certainly a direct result of ADHD and ASD. I haven’t self diagnosed. I don’t actually care about getting a diagnosis. I just want to manage the challenges I’ve always had since childhood. It is a real problem not something I want to whine about and post on Tik Tok. Just because you don’t have it and you can’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. ADHD is not just the domain of naughty boys eating too many e numbers and doom scrolling 20 hours a day.

I hope so too. We often forget these unique victims (mothers,fathers ,sisters, brothers, daughters, sons and wives) of heinous crime perpetrators. They too are very much victims and are often not afforded the right to be able to express that.

I thought of the evil Wayne Cozens poor wife and son and daughter. A very normal family. How their lives are also destroyed and the shame, humiliation and utter horror for them.The poor kids will likely grow up with significant baggage and mental health problems carrying this big weighty secret when "tell me about your parents" comes up. Let's be honest if you started dating a young man and he revealed eventually that Wayne couzens was his father: would it not ultimately break the relationship up? Who'd hand on heart take the "risk" ? Has the apple fallen far from the tree? If we have kids would they have inherited some kind of "sicko" gene? What will my family think ? I can't tell my parents this ! I don't want this association!

Same with Lucy Letbys parents: I feel so sorry for them too. (Although I do think LL is innocent and was scapegoated but I'll park that there )

My best friend has 3 kids from 3 dads, it literally drove the last dad to suicide that her life navigating that and all the coparenting was so chaotic.

I always appear outwardly supportive but I really judge her choices. She's even said she'd have another kid if she could find the right man.

Same. All that effort to study study study , all the "networking" and free time it takes up. All the sacrifices. Sheesh. I'd rather be poorer and happier than rich and permanently working. (I'll caveat I'm not poor and have a good enough career but being hand on heart honest, I look at some friends and family members that didn't do the whole career thing and they seem more relaxed and happy) Like the balance is right.

Also friendships. So much effort. So much maintenance. I can barely maintain family ties !

So we at least partially agree. ADHD can be down to things like environmental factors and toxins etc. That's why I wish doctors would do more than simply medicate but instead take a more holistic approach.

My young nephew has been diagnosed with ADHD. He has a terrible diet but he's on medication. It makes more sense to me to first try to manage symptoms through lifestyle changes before giving a young child medications with known side effects.

Maybe diet wouldn't have any effect in his case, but isn't it worth checking? Likewise, isn't it best to check for other environmental factors instead of immediately saying "his brain is different, always will be, medication is the only thing worth trying"?

I was brought up to make the most of my time and get on with things. Very shamefully I remember confessing to my dad, who I expected to come down on me like a ton of bricks, how much I enjoyed lazing in bed when given half a chance and getting up late. To my amazement, he said "That's not being lazy, that's living!" 🤯

My DH has very little motivation to do anything (outside work) and never plans stuff. If he had a bit more motivation he might leave me but I think he’s too lazy.

What makes you think he wants to leave you?

I fit every tick in the box for ADHD. But I won't seek a diagnosis (I've toyed with the idea before) but I do think the explosion of the diagnosis is suspicious and am sceptical that we are in fact pathologising personality and behavioural traits. I fear if I got a diagnosis I'd end up on the wrong side of history. And I think because it's so widely diagnosed now, people naturally are starting to whisper and "🙄" when they see it written down or hear it. And I'll be honest, that includes me, even though I have it by definition of symptoms, in fact I'd be a "classic female case" of it.

🤣 that's fantastic! Good old 'dad' 🤩

the only times in my life I’ve been happy and grown has been when I’ve been nc with my mother. I sacrificed it all because it was tearing the family apart. I was happy to let everyone thing I was crazy and she had done nothing wrong but everyone (grandparents, siblings, aunts etc etc) kept trying to fixing it and it was damaging all of them. So now I life my life with crippling depression like symptoms and shielding my kids from it. It’s always been hard to explain because no one else saw that side of her but the cracks are showing now she’s getting older and a couple of people have asked me if she was always like this. Honestly that’s harder to deal with as I look at my zero qualifications, zero career, zero hobbies. My partner has always said say the word and we can move as far as we can.

no one would believe that in my 40’s I can’t go to an art class or get a new job because my bloody mothers voice is so loud in my head.

Thanks for sharing. I guess for any problem, a diagnosis is only useful if it helps point us to some sort of solution. In many cases people don't actually need a diagnosis before finding ways to help whatever symptoms they have. I hope you've managed to find strategies that help you.

Sounds like my MIL.

Except that she is still alive and I think my mask has slipped. People know how I feel. I can't hide it any longer.

Thankyou that's kind. I'll be honest, I don't always employ the strategies that would help me. Procrastination and overwhelm and "brain buffering" is a real problem. But i should and could do more to help myself if I invested more effort into doing so.

I agree with you that recognising the symptoms doesn't mean you must always get a diagnosis but it can mean you can still employ the help designed for that condition. I also feel a "label" does encourage a "coz of my ADHD" type attitude. It's almost human nature. And I think I'd do the same. Hence I'd rather (strugglingly) push through and keep making myself accountable for helping myself. I think it can be very easy to "lapse" into a diagnosis/label and use it as an excuse.

Also what can a Dr etc really do for diagnoses like ADHD? It's just slapped on your notes and you're forever treated like "one of those ". I don't want to take that gamble!

There's a friend in my friendship group that I don't really like. I'm not going to go into detail about why I have issues with her. We are on a group text and her messages always really irritate me. Her name sounds like a silly insult, so one day I changed her name to the insult. Every time she posted and that stupid name came up it gave me so much pleasure.

Im a woman but i have to admit that some other women really take the piss.
Half of what i read on mumsnet and see in the real world i dont think its always the mans fault.
Some women are just to much and think that most men are walking atms.
I also hate them that bang on about womens rights all the time.
And how they will twist things just to get people on there side.
And the women that have kids for money kids are not piggy banks.
The older mum the ones that have more kids past 40 but have older kids already i think yeah benefit ran out did it.
Or them that cant clean their homes because they had a baby.
I also think CM CB tax credits should be stopped.
Also anyone that says i dont claim benefits for my kids i only get CB well news flash CB is still a benefit.