Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

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Fees becoming unbearable now so DD year 6 we are looking at state schools and she will hopefully get into our local state school come September.

I have a younger DD also in private year 4 and we are thinking of doing the same when she gets into year 6 too.

I just feel it’s been a waste that we spent/will spend so much from age 4 to age 11. Can anyone make me feel a little at ease with our choice please and advise if you did similar, I’m also debating whether to take younger dd out now. My eldest absolutely loves her school and I am so upset for her. She’s naturally a “nerd” and absolutely fits into the life at private school. I’m not so worried about younger one as she’s more feisty and more confident. I’m just really worried eldest DD will get bullied in our local state. It’s not great but it’s definitely not the worst one in area.

Not sure I am going to help you here but we had to move ours (one Y5 and one y3) during Covid (travel business on the rocks) and I don’t think private prep is worth it in the slightest on that basis. In fact youngest child who has ever known state has fared much better. It doesn’t put them ahead for anything but a very short time at state secondary so I wish we had not bothered.

It’s not a waste! you have invested in the early years and set the foundation well and protected them. No harm in that.

Your geeky dd may struggle at a rough and tumble state secondary but hold most kids learn to hold their own and find their tribe. If there is bullying you jump on that immediately - straight in to see head of year, don’t let that fester. No need to worry it will work out ok!

@Teeheehee1579 thank you. Do you think senior school (private secondary) is any better? I’m upset she will never get to experience the secondary part of the school. It’s an all through from nursery to year 13.

I've taught in state and private, and I think until GCSEs and possibly even 6th form it's not worth the money. I'd definitely pull your younger daughter out now and go to a decent state school. Sixth form is different, that is much better (generally) at high achieving private schools.

@DaisyDayz thank you! I’m just wondering whether to make her less geeky (sorry I sound awful I know) to prepare her for the state secondary. But I don’t want to change her personality

@Wherethewildthings thank you. Sorry my head is frazzled right now - am I right in thinking that you mean take them out now and maybe consider for 6th form?

what exactly is the difference teaching wise in both sectors?

Lots of people are leaving in her year and headteacher was telling me the 6th form is half the capacity it should be.

Yes. I think if you potentially could afford it for sixth form then that is the time to spend the money, not now. There is a lot more support available in a good private compared to a state school (although kids will do well in a decent state), more help with university applications and interview prep, more revision clubs and days offered.

My DS is a quiet, hard-working, academic boy. He attempts our local bog-standard comp. He has found plenty of friends similar to him and is doing well.
Secondaries are big places, she will find her tribe there. No need to try and do anything to change/toughen her before she goes.

I also agree with this. She'll fit in fine just as she is.

Given that 93 per cent of children in the UK go to state schools ..guess what..there might be some nerdy and academic children in her state school too !

Such a snobbish attitude that a bookish or academic child wont find like minded friends

My children's primary and now their secondary have wide ranges of all types of children's including plenty of nerdy types who love learning

Your response is nasty. Bear in mind she has only ever known private and she has only ever known 15 kids in a classroom. Your response to my reasonable worry is just very aggressive!

Have you been to your local school? What’s the reputation like? How do the kids behave? Does it have a decent OFSTED?

I think you’re falling into the trap of lazy stereotyping TBH, it sounds as though you think all private kids are studious nerds and kids in state schools are all streetwise layabouts. In most state schools there will be a real mix but best idea is to go and have a look around. But you do need to be aware of your own unconscious bias and how to manage your own reactions without influencing your DD.

Plus if your eldest loves learning and is happy I think that’s a decent investment for a start.

Tbh I agree with the previous poster.

She has only ever known that school. You are being a snob and not thinking clearly to think that you need to change your child's personality to fit in. There are plenty of neeks in comps.

And I say this as someone whose children have been to state and private school.

Get a grip.

But as most state educated children she will adapt. I have seen state primary schools with 15 children in class. It does happen. Your prive school child isn't that different from the state children.

You are coming across all 'oh my poor precious flower won't be able to cope with those nasty rough dumb state school kids'.

Have you even looked around the schools? Or are you just looking at the numbers in isolation?

My kids are in a mix of state and private and there's not really much difference, there are different tribes in each.

You need to be careful not to pass your feelings on to your child though - you come across as thinking all state schools are zoos or something.

I’ve looked at our local one and 2 others which were not in catchment for. The local one is huge, has good facilities but I just feel it’s so big! Other 2 out of catchment look really lovely, but one is faith based and other one very strict catchment area, don’t admit anyone outside of 1.12 miles and we are 1.53 miles away.

I see the local kids from local school in our corner shop and they are always fighting and getting kicked out by shop keeper. There’s 2 community officers during school end around the shops sorting the kids out. It is chaos tbh. I don’t think the other 2 schools have this issue, but I’m not always around.

I teach in state secondary and we have geeky ones! Some schools have transition events in the summer holidays, it is worth mentioning your concerns to the school and if they have any of these she might be able to make friends before she starts.

Thank you, Do you get your see the behaviour after school? Is this normal what I’ve described above? Community officers near the shops, kids getting kicked out of shops and fighting, the shops are near the school but not right by and I recognise the kids from the school uniform colours. Is this normal?

No. It wasn’t a waste if it’s a good school.

My first child went to private until year 4, when we moved and she went into state. Private was much better academically. So much so that she spend years 5 and 6 at state bored because the level was just too low.

State did turn out to be better pastorally. Which was useful up to a point, but that was because she became dysregulated at school because of the sheer level of boredom.

Child 2 has been state throughout. It’s been good for diagnosis of her SEN, but I wish I’d been able to send her private. She’d have done so much better academically with the more individual attention. The small private atmosphere would probably have meant her problems would not have manifested so severely.

So no, you picked the school for a reason and that reason will still hold.

Thank you! Yes academically she will benefit as she helps my niece with her homework (niece is year 8!). My dd is just very mathematically gifted. I’ve never helped her with homework. Do you think by secondary it’s good as in the fact she will still be challenged?

One of the other schools we went to visit told me there are no sets and they mix all the kids - what does everyone think of this? I just feel from my own school experience the more academic kids will just be used to help the lower achieving ones like I had in my secondary school. I don’t like the no setting rule

No, I wouldn’t say that’s the norm. We have some issues but rarely have fights and don’t need community officers at the shops.