Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

[MummyCookies]

Fees becoming unbearable now so DD year 6 we are looking at state schools and she will hopefully get into our local state school come September.

I have a younger DD also in private year 4 and we are thinking of doing the same when she gets into year 6 too.

I just feel it’s been a waste that we spent/will spend so much from age 4 to age 11. Can anyone make me feel a little at ease with our choice please and advise if you did similar, I’m also debating whether to take younger dd out now. My eldest absolutely loves her school and I am so upset for her. She’s naturally a “nerd” and absolutely fits into the life at private school. I’m not so worried about younger one as she’s more feisty and more confident. I’m just really worried eldest DD will get bullied in our local state. It’s not great but it’s definitely not the worst one in area.

@MummyCookies If your kids are bright and motivated, I’d avoid a school that doesn’t set them. My kids’ school didn’t set for English, and my kids just said the disruptive pupils (who were usually less academic and therefore bored/unmotivated) dominated the lessons. For the teachers it became an exercise in crowd control, and therefore everyone learned less. I always felt really sorry for the less academic but enthusiastic pupils, being stuck in classes where not much teaching took place.

My DC non selective inner city comp only sets in maths. It gets fantastic results and people are queuing round the block to get their kids in. Excellent teachers teach mixed ability groups as a matter of course. All the students benefit from the interaction with each other.

I have to say that the pearl clutching at the prospect of state is rather disappointing. If you can’t afford it then you can’t afford it. Embrace the dark side.

We are planning to stay private until year 6 and hopefully DD will smash the 11+, or get a scholarship. Since the addition of vat - private secondary school fees are now slightly out of our budget. We do think private schools (prep and secondary) are quantifiably worth it if you can afford the fees, so a big if.

You’re missing the main advantage of a very large secondary school - everyone will generally find someone to get on with. Small schools can make for slim friendship pickings for some kids.
My child has found their neek crew at secondary.

If your child had a nice time at primary school I don’t see how it was money wasted. They enjoyed it. Isn’t that the whole purpose??

My friend had 1 child go through private school, and the other 2 chose to go to state school for secondary. They’ve all done well and got very similar gcse/a level results. When I asked her what she thought about the differences between the schools, academically and socially, she said:

’If a child wants to learn, and is motivated to do some extra self directed learning, they will do well at either. On a social front - State = cider and smoking weed, Private = champagne and snorting coke’

Tale of two cities - inner London includes plenty of families without resources who are able to access it through social housing

Just about to move mine to private, I don’t think you’ve wasted a penny.

What ages are your kids?

@MummyCookies If you can't afford private tuition from Y1 to Y13 then I think the most beneficial years would be Y9 to Y11. Or Y7 to Y11.

I'd take your younger daughter out now and save the money.

For 6th form its a little different as you have kids who choose to be there so I'd say private isn't worth it.

(I teach in a state secondary school)

My DS went to a small village primary, only 16 children in his year. He wasn't happy because he had very little in common with the 6 other boys in his year.

He then went to our local comp - 300 pupils per year. He loved it. He was a geeky, nerdy boy who liked computers, Lego and books. He found his tribe there and thrived.

OP, you might not mean it, but you're coming across as a snob who is stereotyping state educated children. Please don't let your DD become aware of your attitude or she will be fearful. I'm sure she will settle in fine.

I actually find it quite offensive that you think your child is too nerdy for state. I was a classic nerd (still am!) and I went to one of the roughest schools in the north of England in the 80s during all the miner's strikes. My Dad was a labourer, both parents had learning difficulties, and by the time I was 7 years old I'd surpassed both my parents academically, so no help there and definitely no money for tutoring.

I never had any issues with bullying, there were other nerds like me, and I still look back in awe at the sheer dedication of some of the teachers.
I did amazingly well, got great GSCEs and A-levels - I have a Ph.D. in a stem subject and work in tech.
Sorry OP, but my life experiences mean that I think private school is as useful as sitting in front of a fire and throwing £50 notes into it.

My kids went to private school until year 4 and year 1. All the way through nursery too. It was a waste. I dont think it helped in any way and I think the pushiness of the teachers and parents have deeply affected my eldest. She lost her academic confidence and im still helping her to get it back 4 years later. I dont regret moving them to state school. I regret ever putting them in private school in the first place. It was a total waste of time, effort and money. They are much happier now with local friends and lots of playdates. They have found it harder with friends though because they weren't at the state primary from the start when friendship groups were made

No it’s honest. You do know children who’s parents can’t afford private can be bookish ? You are being rude suggesting otherwise

All schools have a few badly behaved children in them. Your dd, I imagine, wouldn't be mixing with them. There are plenty of bright kids in state schools. She will make friends with like-minded children. Just make sure your aren't projecting your snobishness, if she acts above them that would go down like a lead balloon. (Edited as I used the word kids too many times!)

I moved a child from state to private for primary, and it was incomparable. At private school school she had a small class, fantastic dedicated teachers and a wonderful approachable headteacher, and a creative pedagogy, which wasn't constrained by the national curriculum. Overall, so much more child centred and fun.

The state school was run down, with huge classes and overcrowded (up to 32/33 per class), and the teachers were often on sick leave. One year she had over 10 different supply teachers. It was a holding pen and nothing more. The headteacher was lazy and feckless.

Obviously, it depends on the individual schools, but in my experience it is definitely worth it.

I could have written this. Plenty of bright book worms at state schools.

(I say this as the parent of 2 DC, one at private and one at state.)

That's all very well but the op can no longer afford it.

Check that the school ‘sets’ the classes. That would help any kid achieve their potential. Or at least, more so than one size fits all. Because in education, it really doesn’t.

I always think primary is where you can save money as there are so many good state options.

There are plenty of 'geeky' children in state schools. You probably just only notice the loud and unruly ones!

My dd goes to an 'average' state comp, has 'geeky' friends and they are all predicted top GCSE grades.

If your daughter is genuinely interested in learning she will do well in a state school. You can always supplement with some tutoring if you think she needs it.

The academic evidence on setting and streaming is… well… that there is no benefit.

Most if not all secondaries do set, though. If you find one that doesn’t it would be interesting to find out why: they might have very legitimate evidence based reasons.

Are you near good secondary options? there are excellent ones in London & then so do ones.

One of the other schools we went to visit told me there are no sets and they mix all the kids - what does everyone think of this?

Not sure that's the norm. DD was set straight away.

The benefit is the geeky / studious kids don’t have to put up with the little shits interrupting class all the time. Harsh but true I’m afraid.

If it really feels unbearable. I’d rip off the plaster now andtake both kids out at the same time rather than leaving the younger one in until year 6.

If they both go to the same school, it will be a shared experience for them.
it will be really weird for the older one to see the younger one continuing to go to the private school.
Frankly, having two kids and two different schools is a pain in the butt!

With the fees you’ll save on a couple of years from the youngest one will make a difference