Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

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Fees becoming unbearable now so DD year 6 we are looking at state schools and she will hopefully get into our local state school come September.

I have a younger DD also in private year 4 and we are thinking of doing the same when she gets into year 6 too.

I just feel it’s been a waste that we spent/will spend so much from age 4 to age 11. Can anyone make me feel a little at ease with our choice please and advise if you did similar, I’m also debating whether to take younger dd out now. My eldest absolutely loves her school and I am so upset for her. She’s naturally a “nerd” and absolutely fits into the life at private school. I’m not so worried about younger one as she’s more feisty and more confident. I’m just really worried eldest DD will get bullied in our local state. It’s not great but it’s definitely not the worst one in area.

I answering the question: yes it is worth it. It is useful to know that money already spent is not wasted.

Also in my experience very high end public schools aren’t necessarily full of super academic children. There is a lot of status and connections involved, parents wanting that elite experience. Massively more party culture than my children experienced at state.

education is never wasted, nor the experience.
would you be willing to post the 10 nearest secondaries (inner city london should be easy enough all while keeping it a bit anonymous) and of those people might be able to assist you.
personally for me it's all about size and atmosphere (smaller and friendly) in the right environment a child will do well.

She’s right though. Your child is, like the vast vast majority of children in this country, going to be fine at a state school.

I don’t think this message is aggressive or nasty. It’s just realistic. There are nerdy academic kids in every school.

Ours sets 4 form classes into 5 sets for some subjects. The top set generally has 30 children in it, higher ability, can move quickly forward all together. As the sets “decrease”, there are fewer and fewer children in each set, so they have a higher staff:student ratio. The lowest set might have less than 10 children. This helps the less able students to progress and not get left behind. It seems like a great way of managing it to me.

I went from a prestigous grammar to local state in year 8. Not entirely the same but it was fine. All schools have bullies and mean girls whatver kind of school they are, and she will find her people and get on with things.
One thing ai dis find was that the work pace was slower, I was doing year 9 work in year 8 at grammar and then coasted for a year when I moved as I had already done everything.
I did learn to drop my Ts though to sound cool 😂but they soon came back when I started work. All my state friends are semi geeks and have good jobs and lives. Unless you in one of those areas where there is lots of antisocial behaviour then the kids are just normal kids from all walks of life. State parets at our sons secondary range from Dr, lawyer, to Kids football coach to wealthy entrepreneur with multiple businesses, to working on the till at the local shop, hairdresser, accountant, you name it, the lot. I like the mix, its interesting.

I am baffled as to why you think state schools are more likely to contain bullies than private schools. We state school kids make up the vast majority of the population, we're not monsters.

I can really understand why you’re feeling torn — it’s such a hard decision when you’ve invested so much time, money, and emotion into a school that your child genuinely loves. But honestly, it’s not a waste at all. Those early years in private education likely gave your DD a strong foundation, both academically and in terms of confidence and learning habits. That doesn’t disappear just because she moves schools.
Transitioning to a state school can be an adjustment, of course, but plenty of children adapt quickly, especially when they already have good study habits and self-discipline. You might be surprised at how resilient kids can be — she might even thrive once she settles and finds her people.
As for bullying, it’s a valid concern, but it really depends on the specific school environment and how proactive the staff are. Maybe visit again, talk to teachers, and see how they handle pastoral care. Sometimes the fear is worse than the reality.
And about the money spent — think of it as giving her a head start, not a sunk cost. Those experiences shaped her, and that’s worth something no matter where she studies next.

Ops concerns are quite contradictory! On the one hand she’s concerned she’s wasted the money already spent on private school
but on the other hand she’s also worrying about not going private and her child ending up in a Grange Hill hellscape full of chavvy bullies!

My daughters primary class in the village school was 17. She went to the local school and all was well. We used to joke it was like a private school education.

This was the standout point for me. I would only send your DD to a school that had streaming/sets. She’ll be bored stiff otherwise. Abd no, I don’t think the money you spent on private school was wasted. Sounds like your DC have really enjoyed school and have worked to a high standard, which will have given them a great foundation

To be fair private schools do use fear of state schools to keep parents with them…

Well, it’s not easy to realise you’ve blued tens of thousands of pounds on prep fees for no real point or advantage. The value add for prep is certainly very small these days given the size of the fees, and that most primaries are good enough.

We attended a good state secondary open evening last night. Loads of attendees in the uniform of local prep schools, and each y7 has a good chunk of ex private kids. My DC said the only difference is that those kids already know how to tie a tie; they certainly aren’t any stronger academically.

Your instincts here are correct. There’s a vast chasm between lower and higher abilities at secondary, so failure to set pretty much guarantees your child will not be pushed. I’d avoid such a school.

Agree, I would have worked 3 jobs to send my very bright son private if his school didn't set.
Even with sets he's floating along at the top of the top set but at least theres a nice learning environment in the top sets

Mine preferred the mid level sets for subjects they struggled with as they were smaller and you got more teacher input. To be fair school very fluid with setting - you went up and down quite frequently

But then everyone on mumsnet has “extremely bright” teens who are top set at every subject 😀

Not entirely surprising given Mumsnet tends to attract a high percentage of well educated people.

A waste of think and it will be a massive adjustment for your DC.

My son is currently Year 10 at our local state secondary school. He's a bit on the geeky side, tends to go his own way, doesn't follow the crowd, and tries hard at school. He's average and slightly above average in some if his classes. His school have sets for Maths, English, Science and PE, the rest are mixed ability. Some schools start children in Year 7 in mixed ability classes - they usually have tests for first 2 weeks of school in September. These tests, along with the SATS results from Year 6, help the secondary school assign children to their sets for core subjects. Then from half-term or even after Christmas, they are in sets for core subjects. Behaviour is probably one of the most important issues. You will find a complete mixed bunch of kids in a state secondary school, from all walks of life, background and family situations. There will always be some children who can't behave, constantly in detention etc. However, if the vast majority can behave, can learn and follow the rules, the school is usually a good one. No school is going to be 'perfect', so my advice is to be realistic with your expectations. Your daughter will find people to fit in with, so pleased don't worry about this. You need to give her realistic expectations too.

I’m sending my daughter and son to private prep and have no intention of private secondary. We have excellent grammars in the area which I hope they’ll be accepted too, do you have that option at all?

As well as this though, private school classes are much smaller, the classes are more controlled etc… this suits my daughter brilliantly. She’s only 4 and I didn’t feel comfortable with her in a class of 30 children to one child. I will of course feel differently when she’s 11 and more independent.

OP, you have said that you could afford to send them - I’d unhesitatingly keep at least your older DD in her current school until the end of GCSEs, and then consider a state school for the sixth firm, both because a state school is more favourably looked in by universities these days, and because the worst of the pupils at state school will have gone off to do some other form of education rather than A levels. (Do check, though, that whichever sixth form you choose actually offers the combination of A levels that she wants to take.) Your DD will do better in smaller classes and with her friends. If your younger DD is doing well and you can manage it, then leave her there - a good education is with you for life. It’s certainly worth sacrificing a few holidays and luxuries for the sake of their education.

93%/94% of children go to state schools, and many of them are incredibly bright, 'nerdy' and all the rest of it and get excellent educations, and go into all sorts of professions.
So the idea that somehow letting your kids go to state school is something to feel bad about, is fairly insulting to the rest of us! IMHO ( in the education profession) your DCs will have a much more diverse and wellrounded experience, so dry your tears and save your money.

Moved both my kids from private primary to state secondary. DS now at a top uni, same standard as all his private friends that stayed private. More people got into Oxbridge from his school than the local private ones. DS probably had to work harder to get his 9s and Astars at Alevel in a mixed ability school than a private spoon fed academic one. My advice is try and get in the better sets for maths and English and do triple science as that only attracts the interested. State 6th form is good. Everyone is there because they want to be.