Moving from private to state - was it a waste?

[MummyCookies]

Fees becoming unbearable now so DD year 6 we are looking at state schools and she will hopefully get into our local state school come September.

I have a younger DD also in private year 4 and we are thinking of doing the same when she gets into year 6 too.

I just feel it’s been a waste that we spent/will spend so much from age 4 to age 11. Can anyone make me feel a little at ease with our choice please and advise if you did similar, I’m also debating whether to take younger dd out now. My eldest absolutely loves her school and I am so upset for her. She’s naturally a “nerd” and absolutely fits into the life at private school. I’m not so worried about younger one as she’s more feisty and more confident. I’m just really worried eldest DD will get bullied in our local state. It’s not great but it’s definitely not the worst one in area.

Perhaps parents could use an iota of common sense then??

Interesting to read this. Friends whose children have moved at 11 from our state primary to selective independents say that the kids from state primary are actually ahead of those from the independent schools’ prep departments in Maths and English, but that the prep kids are generally better at music and have spent more time on drama, art etc. so are more “rounded”. If you go for a state school I guess you have to be prepared to provide those “extras” out of school.

I would reconsider the faith school. I used to teach in one and we had lots of children of different faiths and some of no faith at all. A good school is a good school.

As far as the grammar school is concerned, have you calculated the cost of getting her there and back by cab? You may find you still save a lot of money compared to school fees and you might find some other local parents who are prepared to have their child share the cab (and therefore the cost). It shouldn't be hard to find a local firm to give you a quote on a contract (which would be cheaper than just paying by the meter).

The fear of state comes across from some parents. Have had several parents of younger children who’ve gone private for prep boast in awed tones about the amazing things their children were doing then describing perfectly bog standard things that all primaries do. Remember one neighbour saying loudly how their child was getting to be in a nativity play which were of course banned at state schools. The rest of us were 🙄.

Actually had this often when Dh and I worked in the City pretty much everyone else was privately educated and they assumed we were too. Disparaging comments were made about how state schools were full of knife wielding ferals and did no sport while we had to just sit there. Awks.

I'm sure you didn't mean to be rude, but this is actually quite offensive. Do you and your family not socialise with anyone educated in the state sector for you to realise that the rest of society are just normal people with a combination of geeks, sensitive souls, nice children who struggle academically, those destined for Oxbridge, sports stars, those with 2 left feet....etc.

Just like you, they can't afford a private education for their children. It doesn't mean their children are feral knife pulling future gang members.

Agree the premise that a geeky child that wants to work will be bullied in a state school is pretty offensive. And akin to the nonsense Dh and I had to listen to at our old job. I know these schools are businesses that need to differentiate to justify the fees but wish they wouldn’t disparage state schools as part of that.

As for the lack of sets, DD's school had sets for maths, English and sciences, but not for other subjects. She achieved grade 9s for her GCSEs in humanities (along with other subjects), studied them at 6th form, Oxbridge & is waiting for her Master's degree result now. Her teachers were able to stretch her and support others, because they are used to dealing with all kinds of ability.

There are also plenty of wealthy families who send their children to state school. Look at your local tennis club, choir etc. Plenty of normal children at those. I do wonder if you have fallen for the private school blurb a little too much. They are desperate for your money and fellow parents also want confirmation that they are having their children "the best". Of course they will all highlight the downsides of state schools. Confirmation bias.

I also agree with previous poster TBH

Hope your child settles at new school

So at the moment you are spending probably around £30k per year on education, which might need topping up with tutors...

Instead you could...

• supplement her education with £10k now on extra curricular, music lessons, equipment, targeted tutoring
• save £10k for future education
• put £10k into the general family pot to improve things for everyone

I have a geeky DD. Of my two, she's the one we wouldn't move if we won the lottery as of how well she is flourishing in her state school. Fir Maths and Science, the top set is now accelerating away from the others and no one will move into it (as they are doing extra GCSEs) but it was more fluid in Yr7-9. English she is second set (of 4) but her teacher is brilliant and the whole class is quite focused.

Can I also add there are MANY of us who can afford private education but choose not to for many reasons!