Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

She’s already explained thisishowloween , do keep up 😂 😂

I think that your DH’s behaviour is absolutely reasonable and normal, he loves you and doesn’t want to put you in danger. It might simpler to avoid fish, it’s not the end of the world. He naturally prioritises you. And here is the problem - your MIL doesn’t like this and by inviting him for fish and chips just wanted to make a point.
She could have nice time with her son enjoying his company and instead of it she showed that she hasn’t got kindness, understanding in her heart and respect to her son’s choices. Stupid woman.

And of course it’s not necessary for everyone to have fish and chips in a fish and chip restaurant - that’s why they have other options. We had a group meet up a few weeks ago at fish and chips restaurant and 2 of us were eating burgers - no one threw a tantrum.

So your mil would rather risk you having a severe reaction? And what shite is this that everyone has to eat the same thing? I go to the chippy with my DH, he gets fish, I get an oversized spring roll thing.

Well it’s nothing to do with your MIL so I wouldn’t bother with that.

DH has several anaphylactic allergies, and I do eat them when I’m out of the house for the day. Eg if I’m in the office one day, I might have some nuts. But only in the morning, when I know I’ll be eating and drinking other stuff before I see him, and I’ll brush my teeth before I kiss him. It’s a bit of a faff but I’m only in the office about once a month, and I really like pistachios!

Yanbu.

I have a similar type of allergy and the only time DH eats my allergy food is if he or I am away for at least 3 days, and he has it on day 1.

I react mildly if there's residue on his clothes or hands and I react badly if he kisses me.

DH has gladly agreed to this and absolutely will not touch the food. Thankfully it's not the most common food.

If he eats fish and goes home and kisses op she might - if she is very sensitive.

So she wanted them both to eat the same thing and as she wanted fish and chips, he had to have them too?

And YOU are the one being accused of being controlling?

Does this woman have no self awareness whatsoever?!

YANBU.

Good on your DH for taking your health seriously and staying away from fish. I agree with his stance, but even if I didn't - it's between the two of you. He should tell MiL to butt out. It doesn't even affect her - not as if he's expecting her to cook a separate meal or change what she's eating!

You explained in the thread that you are not asking him not to eat the fish. Your title says exactly that. It made the thread confusing.

MIL is being completely unreasonable. What a selfish attitude. Never be afraid to advocate for your own health OP, your life depends on it.

A young relative of mine has a fish allergy. We just never cook or eat fish if they are visiting- its not there in the kitchen. It's not difficult. That doesn't cut out loads of food options. It's just the easiest way to keep them safe and feeling safe.

No coincidence she invited him to a fish supper, is it, and then created a new social etiquette where one person has fish, all people have fish. She's just a control freak who thinks her precious son is too considerate of another women when he should only love his mummy.

I would block her number and ignore. How rude.

It’s all based on context. You had a bad reaction from kissing 8 hours after your partner ate fish so HE HAS decided to not eat fish out of consideration. It’s not you being controlling at all!! She’s batshit, out of line, and I wouldn’t engage with her ever again tbh. All messaging through partner.

MIL sounds like a dick.

It’s literally none of her business & even if you had ‘forced’ him to stay away from these foods, what’s that got to do with her?

Cheeky cow.

Did you respond to her message?

Really scary how many people here don’t understand how allergies work

Have you bothered to read the fucking thread? He has chosen to not eat the foods that could kill his wife even hours after he's eaten and showered, cleaned his teeth etc.
Are you really that stupid to not know some allergies can kill. Fml.

Exactly. Why does MIL think she can dictate what DH does eat and berates OP under the impression that OP dictates what DH cannot eat!

It sounds like your DH didn't do a very good job at convincing his Mother that it's HIS decision not to eat fish. Does she not believe him, or did your DP play the decision down a bit?

I never cease to be confused as to why people get so upset over what other people are eating (unless it's something particularly disgusting).

I mean, why does it affect your MIL if your DH is not eating fish and chips?

As I’ve aged I’m now allergic to a fruit (apparently it’s a very uncommon allergy hence not stating which fruit). Due to my reaction, my DH will avoid eating or touching it if he’s seing me in the next 4 hours. DH loves me and doesn’t want to make me very ill, so he rarely eats it now. I have not banned him!
OP’s DH also loves OP, therefore he is, rightly, avoiding her allergens.

I do think that this is at the core of it.

MIL tried to prove (probably to herself) that she is still the "priniciple" woman in her sons life. But when it became clear that he put her second to his wife, she spat her dummy. And she did it by accusing the OP of being controlling because then, in her head, she still would be the "principle" woman except for that bitch who wont let him put mummy first as she knows he wants to really.

@Luckyingame @CopperWhite you both didn't read the full thread or even OP's updates, did you?

You have been together for 12 years and only NOW your MiL brings it up??

She sounds a controlling nutter, wanting EVERYONE to eat the same!

It is funny how people accuse you of their own faults

What a win for both of us. I’m extremely fortunate that my friends aren’t selfish.

Is this the first time this has come up in 12 years?