Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

So what you’ve said on the thread title is different to what you say on your thread. You haven’t asked your partner not to, he chooses not to. He chooses not because he’s seen you having an allergic reaction first hand. His mother can take it up with him and he can explain it surely. Why is it down to you?

interesting that you distance yourself from “his choice”. Would you be ok if he often or sometimes eats things you are severely allergic to and not see you for 24
hours? Have you told him that?

mermaidproblems Some people just don’t understand when you have a bad allergy, you hope your family and friends will listen to this death threat hanging over you.
A person who never has had a problem in their life can wake up one morning and find out they have one. Others think it is a joke, think it is an intrusion in their wonderful life because they are deprived of a food or material or animal because they want it now! and s to the person who is depriving them.

Your MIL is being ridiculous and interfering, not to mention shockingly lacking in understanding about how serious allergies can be. She obviously has a problem with the fact that she thinks her son is being deprived and that it’s your fault. Jesus, he’s a grown adult, capable of making his own decisions. He is putting your health, indeed your life, above eating a bit of cod. Good for him.

Love and commitment to another person often, if not always, involves sacrifice and compromise. Of course you aren't being unreasonable OP! I'm severely allergic to peanuts and carry an epipen. My DH does not eat nuts around me, we don't have anything with nuts in the house, he wouldn't eat nuts out of the house in case of contamination. I'd do the same for him. It's not unreasonable to want to protect the life of the person you love. Your MIL is being ridiculous. How would she expect you to behave if your DH was the one with the allergy? I'm also allergic to lots of things like handwash, washing liquids etc. Does my DH insist on using the products I'm allergic to? Of course not! He cares for me, so he compromises. That's what relationships are all about. My DD had a CMP allergy when she was little. Did I give up all dairy products whilst I was breastfeeding? Of course I did! We make sacrifices for the well being of the people we love.

Your mil needs to mind her own business. Of course yanbu! Not taking the risk of harming someone you love, (or having to stay away from them for a long time) is obviously more important than not eating a couple of foods! There are plenty of different foods not eating a few is nbd!

Your partner sounds very sensible and thoughtful and his mother sounds deranged. She's the one being controlling by trying to get him to eat the same meal as her.

Surely its not that confusing?

He can make his own decisions, but it would make for a difficult relationship if he couldnt come near her because she could end up in hospital or dead.

Ok….so she is the one here being unreasonably controlling and telling him what he should eat.

My Ddad nearly died from an anaphylactic reaction. His lungs swelled up and caused permanent damage and he never fully recovered. He lived with COPD for 30 years due to shellfish.

Your MIL is a totally stupid cunt.

OP has already described her allergic reaction to a kiss even though it was hours after his meal and DH had washed his mouth. Such serious allergies are absolutely life threatening. There's no good reason ever to put her health at risk just to enjoy a particular food, still less to pander to the MiL

Hang on a minute, your thread title says, ‘aibu for asking partner not to eat food I am allergic to’

This implies that it is not something that he has ‘chosen’, it is something you have asked of him. That’s not the same thing. It sounds to me like you’ve laid on the emotional pressure by making him look like a shit if he doesn’t ‘protect you’ by never eating foods that you are allergic to. I think YABU and are now trying to back peddle by making yourself look like the victim.

I am severely allergic to fish. After having fish years ago DH washed his hands, face etc and brushed his teeth. He kissed me goodnight several hours later and I had an allergic reaction. So yes, it can definitely happen. Fish is banned in our house and DH avoids it

Everyone seems to think DP is being controlled. You obviously do not know about severe food allergies that people can die from. I work with someone whose son has a severe nut allergy, she NEVER eats anything with nuts in as when she ges home he will have an attack.

The whole point is that OP's DH doesn't want to eat fish because he knows how dangerous it is for OP but his mum is angry because, apparently, if she has fish and chips when eating out with her son, he needs to have the same thing. OP's MIL was completing out of order for sending her a text telling her that she is controlling.

Youve gone quite far into the thread surely and read enough posts to realise that the thread title is not the best description of the issue.
Honestly, people on mumsnet seem to jump on any tiny discrepency , as if theyre a wannabe sherlock fckn holmes.
Of course OP doesnt want her partner to eat the things that would kill her if he came home and kissed her after.
It seems likely that there would have been discussions more than once about it, and asking him not to if he wants to be with her, is not the same as telling someone what to do

What did he say to his mum after she sent you that text OP?

Where did you get your qualification in allergens and anaphylaxix reactions? So many people clearly don't have a clue

You do realise OP could die?

Your DH is being responsible. Your MIL is being ridiculous. Brushing teeth / seeing him later isn't enough for some people with allergies. Not worth the risk when it's so easy to avoid fish.

He MUST have fish because she's having fish? Someone has control problem and it isn't you op.

Don't entertain her nonsense. Get DH to put her straight.

So you have Anaphalyxis and have Epi Pens I presume? My daughter is Peanuts though has Epi Pens and only if ingested. I would allow other people to eat them no problem.

DD's new partner has a severe nut allergy. We take it seriously. We have nuts at home but they stay in cupboard when partner comes for dinner. DD has nuts in her packed lunch but is mindful of not eating them when she is due to go to his house. He would never tell her not to eat nuts when she's at our house without him. We keep Epi pen just in case but would never do anything to risk his health.

Most of us know when you have a severe allergy you can react to the tiniest bit of it. You are quite right to ask your partner not to eat certain foods. Unfortunately, others don't have the understanding of how life or death this can be.
I doubt you will change mil's attitude unless she wants to comprehend the situation.

Blimey what a horrible MIL.
i work in theatre & now & again there are signs at stage door not to bring nuts into the building : severe allergy notice
your Mil is being very selfish; but your husband needs to put his foot down xx

Quite agree. He’s a (very sensible and considerate) adult.
Btw I haven’t heard the term ‘cowbag’ since I was a teenager (decades ago!) 😀 I’ll have to start using it again.

its not yout battle. its his. shes not caring. he is. she probably thinks you fake it. let him deal with it. thank him for understanding. hes seen what can happen. you are right. you'd do this for him. ignore her. let him sort this.