Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

Slightly different take, but my stepdaughter has Coeliacs. So when she is with us (weekends and most of the school hols) we eat gluten free foods.

He can eat what he likes when he’s around other people, brush his teeth and just be careful around you. Little more difficult to do if you live together, however Shellfish and peanuts are a small part of a massive food group so? Not sure what his problem is….. especially if it will be an anaphylactic reaction…. Ya know…. Death n all that jazz. He’s being selfish.

I’ve heard of allergies where people have reacted from contamination from another person. Your DP needs to sort this out. I would treat her with suspicion because she doesn’t seem to take this seriously enough.

This is exactly what I'm thinking.

Not sure why there's so many people asking you questions about it, trying to catch you out. He's a grown man and can make his own decisions, end of.

Cross contamination doesn't work like that

asking a very ignorant question here. What do you do when at a restaurant or shopping? I notice most fish counters are open. Will this affect you too?

When we go out we all have different things. Even at a fish and chip shop. Would she act as if it was spoiling things for her if he went vegan and chose the vegan option.

I remember my first fiancé and I used to choose different things at restaurants, but after we split we went out for an Italian with some youth leader friends and we chose the same options because those were what we liked and neither of us wanted to choose differently.

Your OP is a bit misleading. As it’s DH choice not to eat the fish based on past experience of doing so, YANBU.

What difference does it make if eg he has the battered sausage instead of fish. MIL is being odd (and controlling!) about everyone having to eat exactly the same.

It’s really up to your DH to navigate his own food choices with his DM, I wouldn’t engage.

Are there other examples where she thinks you are controlling?

I'll just leave this here 🙄https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34663441/

12 years together so has she always been like this or is this a new behaviour.

she sounds batshit to be honest.

redirect the message to partner and don’t eat at MIL house again. Me personally I wouldn’t be able to trust her.

I grew up with a mother who is severely allergic to nuts and peanuts. Watching someone go into anaphylactic shock is very frightening (this happened twice to my mum when I was little). I do feel that many people "poo poo" allergies so I do sympathise with you OP. Considering the incident where you had a reaction 8 hours after your DP ate fish, your MIL is being extremely unreasonable calling you controlling!

Not sure if someone has replied, but I guess it’s a saveloy

Presumably she’s not routinely snogging guy at Asda fish counter with every purchase?

Your Mil needs a good shake!!
Silly silly lady disrespecting other people's serious allergy issues just so she can control her son!!
Awful..... I have a serious allergy and I really appreciate when friends avoid eating it in front of me even though I'm not gonna kiss them! 😂
You and your hubby are well sorted xx

Not ignorant at all. Some mask up if it's airborne. DC1 is allergic to certain tree nuts (not all). We still can't get food that doesn't contain TNs if it's made in an open kitchen because of the risk of cross contamination. It's hard to navigate of course mainly getting some to take it seriously, most do take it seriously these days thank goodness. It's a lot more difficult to navigate if the allergy is airborne.

Was she cooking it at home? If she wanted to go out to eat surely he could just order a sausage or a pie or a savaloy? Win win for everyone.

Well…
« You can’t tell someone when they will or won’t be go to AE. »

People. MIL of all…never stop to amaze me.

she was upset as wanted to have the same as apparently when you have fish and chips everyone has the same

What a load of bollocks.

Everyone knows that that only applies on Fish Friday😂

If she wanted to have the same…she could have had the same than him 👀

I went to a lecture on food alergies. The expert told the sad story of a mother who had a severe nut allergy but died following eating an apple. On investigation it appeared that in the supermarket warehouse, the apples had been stored next to the nuts. He explained that quantity of the offending food is not important, just a few molecules is enough to kill in some cases.

I get the feeling some people really don’t understand how severe an allergy can be..! It is his choice and his DM is being the controlling one.

Aren’t you very clever!

Thanks @Meep2024 I always wonder how they leave products that is known to cause allergies so exposed! The nuts I know I usually sealed but the fish counters more often that not is open…

Sounds like his mum is jealous. Like he is sacrificing something massive for you. It’s a bit of fish and it could save your life. She needs to mind her own business.

‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

Exactly, he agreed willingly not to do something that could risk his girlfriends health and life and SHE can't override that tell him what he 'can' eat. He's not a child.

I find it strange that if you have been together for12 years why MIL is only now throwing a wobbly about this? Surely the situation must have arisen before now and IMO it's solely your DH's responsibility to make sure that his DM understands that it was his choice not to eat fish etc, that he is happy with this and in no way are you trying to 'control' him?! 🙄
She perhaps is wrongly perceiving the situation to suit her own agenda in that DH is not entirely happy with having his choices curtailed but isn't being truthful with you about it, but that still doesn't explain why it's taken her 12 years to behave this way!
Personally I would tell her to 'mind her beeswax' but clear that with DH first and only after you have got his side of the story!! 😊

on those grounds might have to see if my 5 year old can move out so I can eat cashews and pistachios again. Butter chicken curry just isn’t the same made with almonds.

or I can live without them because I like him more than cashews and pistachios.

I like him best when he’s not dead though so it’s not worth the risk.

Her boyfriend probably feels the same way as I do.

if he didn’t though I’d have to consider whether I could tolerate that.