Dh and his principles

[Sparklesandspandexgallore]

I will start this by saying dh get on well. We generally share the same values and beliefs. We are very similar.
We both have adult dcs from previous relationships. Everyone gets on well, no issues whatsoever.
However, dh has become more and more vocal about the leaders of foreign countries. He strongly disagrees with certain politicians policies. I get that.
The issue is my dd has the opportunity to go and live and work in one of these countries. It is a fabulous opportunity which most people will never get. She wants to go and will be well rewarded by her employer for going.
She has looked at what this entails. She will be able to return if she doesn’t like it etc.
I have said I will go and visit her. I would not be able to afford to go otherwise.
Dh has said he will not go on principle.
He has then moaned that ‘I will be leaving him on his own.’
I am currently under an immense amount of stress and shouted at him that I don’t give a fuck about his bloody principles. I also said if he wants to sit in the house all day and refuse to go to this and that country then fine, but I am going.
I also said would he really not see his own dcs for years due to principles?
He said yes he absolutely would stick to his principles and not see his children rather than go to any country which he disagrees with.
I don’t think I am being unreasonable.
It ended with me shouting that I’m sick and tired of all this. That I don’t care about what politicians are doing. That I’m thinking of MY feelings for once and putting myself first.
He says well thank god someone cares about these countries.
I have said that my going will not have any impact on the leaders of these countries.
I care more about my dcs than anyone else.
Dh thinks I am selfish.
Let me also add that I have done lots of things for charities over the years, all at my own expense.
Thanks if you have got this far.
Anyone else been on this situation?

You are NOT leaving him on his own. He is invited. He is choosing to stay on his own rather than accept the invitation.

I also have a list of counties I will not currently visit and no, to be honest, if my children wanted to go there for work, I still won’t go. In these cases they can come to me. I wouldn’t stop their dad going and it is not an argument to have in our home.

@Sparklesandspandexgallore It's worth remembering that only around 30 percent of the US electorate voted for him. So around SEVENTY PER CENT of the voter-eligible population did not.

Found the stats:
63.9 % of the voter-eligible population turned out in 2024.
31.59% voted for Trump.
30.66% voted for Kamala.

So, there you go. Not even 32% of the voter-eligible population voted for The Orange One. Not everyone in the States is on board with this monster; in fact almost two-thirds of the people who could have voted for him, did not. Maybe your DH would feel better about the states knowing this.

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VoterturnoutinUnitedStatespresidentialelections
Scroll down to the heading Measuring Voter Turn Out to see the chart with the stats quoted above.

About guns, in the States your neighbourhood matters a lot more than it does in the UK. Gun violence tends to be very hood-specific. Schools are funded from property taxes, as opposed to a central body funding a whole area, like our councils do, so a poor neighbourhood means poorly funded schools and more social problems among young people etc. And far fewer services overall because of the property taxes, which tend to be low, going to schools. So there's not much left over. In wealthier areas, the schools are well-funded because of the high property taxes and there's plenty left over to fund other neighbourhood services.

There are PLENTY of very nice, well-funded, low-crime areas to live in the US. She's better getting a smaller place on one of those areas than a larger place in a not so great area, because like I said, your neighbourhood really matters. As long as she researches the hoods, she'll be grand.

It’s the USA. He’s being a dick.

My husband also hates Trump and says he won’t go to the USA while Trump is in power. But I want to go and see my nephew who is now living there permanently, he recently married a really lovely American woman.

I haven’t set a date to travel, possibly next summer, and I certainly dont want an argument but I can see some interesting discussions coming up. I also think that Trump is hugely problematic, and I’m also worried about the social unrest there at this time.

However, my husband would not stop me going (like to see him try!) and it’s actually quite useful if he stays at home while I’m away as he is happy to look after our dog!

🌷🌷🌷

She was his teacher!!😮

Also I agree about Italy, there's nothing bad about a land that invented pasta and pizza😋

Firstly he is entitled to feel how he feels, but objecting to going to the USA because of the current government is kind of silly - governments in democracies change and not everyone there is in support of the current regime. Not going to somewhere like Iraq or North Korea? May have more of a point there. So I think he is a bit U here. Where he is totally unreasonable is in complaining about you going.

I mean I wouldnt plan a holiday there but thats not because of Trump, I just dont feel that it is a very safe country to be right now but I would go to visit one of my kids, without question.

Trump isnt America and America isnt Trump. Sounds like my father who as he has got older has become more opinionated about things like this and He.Is.Right. End of discussion.

I just leave the room when he starts now as I am totally sick of hearing his rants. I suggest you start doing the same.

This. At the end of the day he’s entitled to his opinion and if he doesn’t stop you from going, let him think how he thinks.

They have an unpopular president, so what? It is still a democracy.....they aren't stoning women ffs....

Just masked men dragging them off the streets into unmarked cars.

Nothing to see here.

Just dragging women out of their cars in the school pick-up line, nothing to see here.

I hear you. DH (also second marriage) and I have completely different political ideas, which have only just come to the surface as the world has gone mad. Think Trump. I think you should go visit and if DH doesn’t like it then tough. It’s his choice.

Depends on the country. I have no opinion without knowing.

I’m a US citizen as are technically both my dc (though dd has been there once and ds never has). I agree with your Dh that I wouldn’t want my dc to move there. It’s not like the UK at all in terms of personal safety, high rates of violent crime, it’s really expensive and obviously, you better hope she doesn’t get ill while she’s there.

I’d look into how living abroad will affect her NHS eligibility. I needed a biopsy for suspected cancer in my 20s just as I lost my health insurance in the US. I couldn’t afford to have it done without insurance. I had to wait several years to get insurance back. Thankfully, it wasn’t cancer, but if it had been, I’d have probably been dead. Back then living abroad didn’t necessarily make you ineligible for NHS care, but I believe it does now and it’s something I’d consider.

All that being said, I have a lot of friends and family who are anti-Trump (actually I can think of few people who support him). The American people, the decent inclusive Trump hating ones who aren’t racist, and I’d say that’s about 50% are lovely. She just needs to watch her back about getting involved in anything politically because she may get herself in trouble as an immigrant. But people by and large are great and it will be a wonderful experience for her.

I wouldn’t be happy about my child going there, but it wouldn’t stop me visiting them. If your Dh is properly anti-Trump and vocal about it, he may not be let in anyway, so that solves that problem. 😂

I'm probably no longer very welcome in China (lol) and I sometimes wonder if I'll get turned away at the border in the USA (sigh) but the bottom line is that there are great people everywhere and it's not like Trump, or whoever, has a majority mandate. He sounds whiney and not really all that logical to me. That said I avoid someplace too. UAE for example, because the overall cultural climate isn't one I like.

I'm in the USA today and there are massive anti-Trump demonstrations. It's ludicrous to avoid the country because of Trump. Most people here feel like your husband, he'd be right at home!

Absolutely he can stick by his principles, but only for himself. He shouldn't make others feel they can't go, and he shouldn't say he'll be left behind. I'm all for informed debate, he's let you all know his opinion but he can't control what everyone else does.

We were planning to go to the USA, but my DS is 18 and trans, I've heard so many things about trans kids being detained at the airport and separated from their family, I don't see how we can go at the moment

If he doesn't want to go, he can stay at home - he has choice.

At the minute he's choosing to believe that his principles are more valuable than his daughters future.

Where have you heard this?

Good for you. Literally nothing he says or does will make the tiniest bit of difference to anything in the world at large, but he can certainly make himself and those around him miserable. Do whatever the fuck you want and let him get on with being terrified, sad and imagining he's superior. Nobody will remember anything he said or did, life is short, just get on with yours as it pleases you.

Their source is "trust me bro".

Trans parent UK support groups. I'd hope it's not true, but even if it happens to a few it gets everyone scared

But why would they pull a random teenager over in an airport?