Controversial approach to Santa

[Lynsey953]

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

Shame us Xmas avoiders don’t get the same consideration from the Tinsel Addicts, innit.

We do indeed disagree and that's that. I wasn't ever going to make a bigger deal of it than it is to us. He was never told in a big way to be careful not to upset children because I never thought it would be particularly upsetting, only something to best avoid talking about if possible.

At some point it is entirely natural and expected that children will find out from each other and talk about it. He wouldn't have deliberately upset someone by talking about it and yes, I will continue to believe the vast majority of children do not set out to cause upset. If your experience is of a large number of malicious children delighting in making each other sad I am sorry to hear that.

You were never going to make it more of a bigger deal than it was to you, regardless of others' feelings. At least you're being honest at last, the faux innocence was wearying.

Correct. No faux innocence. I maintain all innocence in not making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. And it therefore remaining an innocent mistake on DS's part by talking about it.

I'm afraid your determination to make me feel there is some wrongdoing here on either his part or indeed the part of any child who discusses the topic isn't working.

I think a stocking or little presents can be from Santa and Santa can deliver the big presents he stored for mummy and daddy. We always said this is from Santa a car for instance but Santa delivered your bike.

We don’t do the whole Santa thing either, my daughter knows he isn’t real

Yes he is.

And even if he wasn’t, Christmas (you know, the time the big man is in demand) is a Christian celebration. We’re a pretty diverse country now, especially in the cities, so it’s quite likely that the OP’s child will be going to school with children who don’t celebrate Christmas in any respect and for whom Father Christmas is just a fictional character that is completely irrelevant in their lives.

OP, it sounds like you’re doing a not too dissimilar thing to what we had when we were children. We knew all about Father Christmas, we believed in him but we never went to see him and he never bought us any presents. We were all so excited because we had new toys that I don’t think it ever occurred to any of us to ask what FC had brought us. Only once do I remember getting a gift without a gift tag on it and deciding it must be from Father Christmas as everything else had a tag on it. I remember telling my mum, very excitedly, and her going along with it. Christmas was absolutely magical for us. We could never sleep on Christmas Eve. We didn’t do stockings. DH and his DBs had stockings but otherwise had a very similar arrangement. Nothing was specified as being from FC. Both of us loved Christmas then and we’re obsessed with it now. I think your SiL is being ridiculous, especially if you haven’t specifically told your DC that FC doesn’t exist.

My DB and SiL are being quite low key with my nephew. He goes to see FC along with all his little friends and puts out carrots and a mince pie etc, but only one present is from FC. The rest are from his mum, dad, family & friends, as is his stocking. He gets a lot of toys but he’s got some friends whose parents aren’t able to do that. None of us ever want him to wonder why FC leaves some kids big piles of presents while others only get a couple. And we want him to understand just how much other people have got him, so he’s thankful to them and doesn’t just think some magical man brought them for him so he doesn’t need to say thank you. We take him to choose a couple of toys for Christmas appeals as well, and he knows it’s for children whose mums and dads can’t get lots of new toys. Having said that, he’s already told me that FC can’t be living in the North Pole because there are no houses there, and he’s only four, so I’m not sure how much longer ‘it’s magic’ is going to last.