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Original poster

Controversial approach to Santa

507 replies

Lynsey953 · 15/10/2025 06:50

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 15/10/2025 13:41

Calliopespa · 15/10/2025 13:31

But digdongdoo all this "flying in the face" business is totally beside the point.

You are trying to apply logic to something that isn't a logical thing: it's just a bit of fun. That's the point.

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Well exactly. Its not logical. So why get bothered by it being "spoiled"? It's not real.

Ponderingwindow · 15/10/2025 13:42

We took a somewhat similar approach, though not as explicit. There were stockings and presents. We never mentioned Santa, but we did not police other people. At school, our daughter heard about Santa and decided it was a thing. We did not disagree with her or affirm. She sort of believed for a few years.

at some point she asked that the adults start getting stockings as well so we could all join in the Santa game.

Hohumdedum · 15/10/2025 13:57

I have the same approach as you. I don't know if DC believes in Santa or not. Obviously they hear about him at school and in books, but it's a very international school so they also know many people don't celebrate Christmas or get presents then. They certainly wouldn't go around announcing to other children that Santa isn't real because they haven't asked directly and I've never confirmed either way.

I don't feel like I've missed any "magic". I think your SIL is being silly. They are only 2 and 3, they aren't thinking about it that deeply and are just excited to get presents whoever they're from.

Charlotte120221 · 15/10/2025 14:02

I really don't get why you think you're being controversial?!

You have toddlers who you haven't really talked to about Santa - let's be honest they'd have no idea what was going on if you did?!

Good luck navigating the early primary school years though.

As for your SIL - if she thinks her 8 and 9 year old genuinely still believe then she's deluded.

JMSA · 15/10/2025 14:03

I don’t understand it, personally. I loved all the Santa hype when mine were little.

Hohumdedum · 15/10/2025 14:04

Screamingabdabz · 15/10/2025 08:05

A lot of parents seem to want to credit for the presents and I think that this immature egotistical mindset is way worse than giving your children some harmless little bit of fantasy and magic.

I think you give these lofty moral arguments about ‘lying to your kids’ because it’s too much effort to go out of your way to make something special for them. Joyless.

This isn't true for me. I do want my kids to have proper gratitude and write thank you letters to people kind enough to give them gifts. But also, I felt humiliated and like a gullible idiot when I was told Santa wasn't real and it made me deeply uncomfortable about tricking kids in to believing a known lie. I am not lazy and make plenty of effort around Christmas.

Also, Santa is nothing to do with Jesus's birth which is the actual point of the celebration.

There's loads of joy at Christmas without Santa.

Skyflyinghigh · 15/10/2025 14:12

DaisyDayz · 15/10/2025 13:12

But everyone who is “pro Santa”:

it is a harmless fiction when Santa brings a small stocking containing an orange, an apple and a wooden toy, he “eats” a mince pie. A nice fun thing.

It’s very different when he brings expensive gifts to some kids but not others, when you have apps faking photos that show the reindeer standing in your bedroom and when the TV has a Santa tracker showing you which country Santa is currently visiting. And when he sends elves which come to life every night and report back to Santa if you are bad (how sinister is that?!)

By making it such a big thing, haven’t we gone too far - a touch of childhood magic has become a huge faked reality?

ds noticed age 4 that Santa is apparently in at least several places at once - he saw him with his grandad at exactly the same time his friend Billy saw him at Legoland. And whenever he encounters Santa he looks different. He’s not dumb - he has asked how Santa has time to be in every shopping precinct, school fair and garden centre in the world every Saturday. And when he saw him in school he was fat but next day at the department store he looked thin.
How do I answer that?

I used to say the real Santa was in the North Pole with the elves making the toys (I know I know but my kids loved Santa) so he has stand in santas that he sends out! I think by about 7 my kids cottoned on. They played along for a bit. However they all still make a huge deal over xmas as adults

ThatKhakiLeader · 15/10/2025 14:13

Im with you @Lynsey953
In our house Father Christmas isnt made a big deal of. Hes basically a glorified delivery man. The children know that the gifts are from me. (How else do you explain to a child that Father Christmas bought one kid a playstation and you got some chocolate in a stocking) They are aware that they may not get everything they ask for.
So all gifts are from who bought them. I think the eldest any of mine have got to, believing in FC is probably 8?
My son actually at 3 just point blank refused to believe, I didnt discourage him, just told him, if thats what you think then thats fine but you dont upset others by telling them. He kept quiet. He loves Christmas.

Saying that we are Catholics and they learn that it is Jesus' birthday and that is why we exchange gifts, to celebrate with him.

Do Christmas however you feel is best for you as a family. The pressure on some parents at this time of year is immense and it would be nice if it was scaled back and the focus be on spending time together, then how big the pile of presents is.

howaboutchocolate · 15/10/2025 14:21

Calliopespa · 15/10/2025 13:26

I think they are weirdly aggressive when you say you do.

All anyone is asking is that they don't have their dc blurt it out to other children who enjoy it. I can't see why that is such a big ask to be honest.

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Or maybe you could teach your kids that lots of people believe different things about Christmas.

I'm not getting my kids to be complicit in something that we don't believe in for the sake of other children - if they talk about santa with their friends then it's a big thing to put on small children to expect them to lie and pretend and not be able to talk about their own Christmas properly in order to "protect the magic".

We don't do it for anything else. Kids aren't required to pretend that Elsa or Spiderman are really real to all other kids just in case they happen to believe in them.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 15/10/2025 14:52

BunnyLake · 15/10/2025 12:42

I never made Christmas miserable for my kids. We had decorations and lights and fake snow and glitter. We’d have Christmas music playing and stockings and presents under the tree. I’m not sure what my kids were missing out on just because Santa was a bit player in it.

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I have fairy lights up all year. Presumably that means I’m more joyful on around 350 days more per year than everyone else!

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 15/10/2025 14:56

Hohumdedum · 15/10/2025 14:04

This isn't true for me. I do want my kids to have proper gratitude and write thank you letters to people kind enough to give them gifts. But also, I felt humiliated and like a gullible idiot when I was told Santa wasn't real and it made me deeply uncomfortable about tricking kids in to believing a known lie. I am not lazy and make plenty of effort around Christmas.

Also, Santa is nothing to do with Jesus's birth which is the actual point of the celebration.

There's loads of joy at Christmas without Santa.

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Well, technically it’s a festival celebrating the solstice that got violently stolen from the pagans……..

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 15/10/2025 14:58

howaboutchocolate · 15/10/2025 14:21

Or maybe you could teach your kids that lots of people believe different things about Christmas.

I'm not getting my kids to be complicit in something that we don't believe in for the sake of other children - if they talk about santa with their friends then it's a big thing to put on small children to expect them to lie and pretend and not be able to talk about their own Christmas properly in order to "protect the magic".

We don't do it for anything else. Kids aren't required to pretend that Elsa or Spiderman are really real to all other kids just in case they happen to believe in them.

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I remember taking DD to Disneyland Paris when she was 3.5.

It was about 3 minutes after walking into the main park when a little (but loud) voice said “don’t worry mummy, those characters are just people dressed up”. 😂

Icreatedausernameyippee · 15/10/2025 14:59

You'll never have to deal with the disappointment of finding out Santa isn't real. Which is great for you. I wish I'd done it your way, to be honest.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 15/10/2025 15:04

InMyShowgirlEra · 15/10/2025 12:32

Because if you say to your 6 yo, "The elf is just a toy that the parents put out and we don't want to," they go into school and tell all their friends and then you have to face the wrath of the Elf Mommies telling you your child has destroyed "the Christmas magic" forever.

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Which just shows how stupid it all is. Elf on the Shelf wasn't a thing when most (any?) of us on the thread were young, but now some parents have decided it's tradition and it's a crime against humanity if you don't carefully coach your children to lie and say the elf is real.

Original poster
Lynsey953 · 15/10/2025 15:11

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 11:24

There's a balance to be struck between everyone having to be together all the time and a father of young children actively choosing to be at work instead of with his own kids on Christmas Day.

If you're a doctor in a 24/7/365 specialism then of course you should take your turn at working on days like Christmas Day. But actively volunteering for it when you have young kids at home is weird. Usually the kind of people who actively volunteer to work on Christmas Day are people who don't celebrate Christmas or have young kids, and it's a selfless gesture to enable people who do have young kids - such as the OP's husband - to celebrate with them.

As a 10 or 11 year old child I would be far more upset about my dad actively choosing to spend Christmas Day with other kids rather than with us than I would about figuring out either that my parents deprived us of the magic of Santa which normal kids got to enjoy, or that they lied to us about Santa existing when he doesn't.

Edited
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This is quite rude I feel and not really the point of the conversation but thank you for your opinion. I'm sure when my kids are older they will develop an opinion on it but right now he opts to do it and I support this for us a family.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 15:18

Lynsey953 · 15/10/2025 15:11

This is quite rude I feel and not really the point of the conversation but thank you for your opinion. I'm sure when my kids are older they will develop an opinion on it but right now he opts to do it and I support this for us a family.

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Honestly the vibe I am getting is that the reason he is happy to follow your family's approach rather than his sister's "Santa is an essential part of the magic of Christmas" approach is because he can't be arsed with Christmas in general.

ainsleysanob · 15/10/2025 15:25

Nothing wrong with your approach but I would want to shit on your tree if your children ruined it for mine! 🤣

InMyShowgirlEra · 15/10/2025 15:29

ainsleysanob · 15/10/2025 15:25

Nothing wrong with your approach but I would want to shit on your tree if your children ruined it for mine! 🤣

How Christmassy of you.

JamesWebbSpaceTelescope · 15/10/2025 15:31

Lynsey953 · 15/10/2025 15:11

This is quite rude I feel and not really the point of the conversation but thank you for your opinion. I'm sure when my kids are older they will develop an opinion on it but right now he opts to do it and I support this for us a family.

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I’m sorry this thread has turned nasty about your DH.

We should be grateful that people do volunteer to keep working on public holidays, Christmas being the biggest one in the UK.

So long as he is present and engaged when he is with them and gives them attention all year around there is nothing wrong with children seeing the dad go to hospital to help sick or injured children on Christmas Day.

Imissgoldengrahams · 15/10/2025 15:34

Imdunfer · 15/10/2025 09:30

I'm bemused that anyone thinks in the internet age that a child who attends school will genuinely believe in Santa at 9 years old.

.

My son is 11 and genuinely believes.
I've heard him talk to his friends and they've all said he is real.
My son cried yesterday because the tooth fairy didn't visit him and take away his tooth

DappledThings · 15/10/2025 15:40

InMyShowgirlEra · 15/10/2025 15:29

How Christmassy of you.

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Indeed. Peace and goodwill to all. Unless you don't celebrate in exactly the way I do and if your child dares to innocently say anything that RUINS THE MAGIC (tm) for my child I will destroy you.

Lovely attitude.

Imissgoldengrahams · 15/10/2025 15:41

Imissgoldengrahams · 15/10/2025 15:34

My son is 11 and genuinely believes.
I've heard him talk to his friends and they've all said he is real.
My son cried yesterday because the tooth fairy didn't visit him and take away his tooth

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Also I was 13 😂

Mydoglovescheese · 15/10/2025 16:25

@ImissgoldengrahamsPlease tell your DS before he goes to secondary school. His life will be a misery if any of the other kids find out he still believes in Santa. I taught year 6 for many years and I can’t remember any kids who still believed.

girlfriend44 · 15/10/2025 16:27

Ban xmas altogether.its brainwashing.
Who needs presents just because someone said a baby was born sometime in December. A virgin birth.
Because this fairytale was banded around and people got brainwashed we still have this horrible thing called Christmas every 12 months.

Calamitousness · 15/10/2025 16:50

wow @girlfriend44 at the very least it’s a day surrounded by great food and drink and family. What’s not to like! I love Christmas so I’m your polar opposite. I love giving and receiving gifts. I loved the magic of Santa when kids were young. I get that some people do it differently but surely a day of happiness can’t be hated. Even if I was alone I’d love it and have a great time to myself, indulging in whatever I wanted and watching whatever crap I want. Do you dislike other days and occasions?

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