Controversial approach to Santa

[Lynsey953]

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

How lack of sense of humour-y of you.

My husband grew up with Santa. Lots of Santa. Our children and I are Jewish - we celebrate Christmas and Easter with him but we don’t do Santa or church. We love the food and we have stockings (now the kids are a bit older we all put little bits in each other’s stockings which is lovely) and we have presents on Christmas Day. And a chocolate advent calendar and all that. But no Santa. His parents were the only ones to find this problematic and I am sure it’s just because they have lovely memories of the story from his childhood. My kids have many happy memories of Christmas (and Chanukah) and it’s never been an issue at all.

we live in a super mixed catchment and there was a situation with a child getting nothing and wondering if they’d done something wrong when he went to a playdate at a friends. And that made me think about it from that angle as well. Children absolutely compare notes on gifts and it’s sad to think that children who are from challenging situations also think a magical man doesn’t take care of them.

We did the same. No problems trying to explain why we lied to them for years and they realised we were the ones giving the presents. No drama, no issues!

It is an unusual approach and it seems one that will actually be more hard work than just going along with tradition. Of course it won’t damage your kids but it will create problems in the future like the one you’ve come up against.

Honestly I can’t see what the problem is - they are so small they aren’t going to be ‘ruining Christmas’ for 8 and 9 year old cousins as I doubt they would even mention it!

However, as someone who was brought up without ever being allowed to believe in Father Christmas, I will tell you that I am jealous of my husband who grew up with the magic of Father Christmas until he stopped believing aged about 10ish. We did stockings from Father Christmas for our children and all other gifts are from who they are actually from - I think they stopped believing aged about 9 or 10 but I’m not 100% sure as they are 12 & 14 now and haven’t officially told me as they still want to get a stocking 😂

I always see people like you in mumsnet and it bewildered me. They are only little once and I personally want my kids to have all the magic in the world.

These types of posts or so sad.

I fucking hate Xmas and would quote happily ignore it completely. (Indeed, for many years, I worked throughout.)

Toe the line, everyone! Don’t be different. Don’t do any of that thinking bollocks. Follow the herd!

(Fuck that.)

OP doesn't have a problem though. Her SIL does. OP is happy to live and let live without overthinking it.

I’m not saying follow the herd- I’m saying it seems a lot of effort over something so trivial that doesn’t really matter. Absolutely buck the trend where it’s something that’s meaningful and that matters but Father Christmas?

I’ve always told my daughter that Santa sends parents an invoice (my partner is a gas engineer so sends invoices to customers so this is why 🤣).
So that answers why everyone’s piles are different so some kids don’t feel like Santa brought them much or some got a lot more than someone else. It’s the parents that pay.
Also with the different Santas, sometimes Santa sends an elf dressed as Santa so they can pass the message on as he’s really busy in December. There was one Santa that was honestly amazing and even I believed he was the real thing 🤣 so that was the real Santa we seen and one crap one we seen another year was a helper 🤣
It’s really not as traumatising as people are making out, I remember feeling gutted when I found out but it’s worth it for the magical years you do get.

Have your kids never watched a Christmas film or left a mince pie out for santa and a carrot for rudolph.

We didn't have stockings as children and we don't do one for DS. He was aware of father Christmas as a child but I don't remember him ever thinking he was real.
I don't understand this magic of Christmas business!

Xmas films, yes. (Assuming you mean Die Hard and Home Alone.)

Of course we haven’t left carrots and mince pies out - that would be encouraging belief. And DD never showed any interest in doing so. It would be like giving her a prayer mat or communion wafers…….

I don’t consider it at all trivial.

Fair enough @AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti Fair to say, we are all individuals with our own preferences.

Blimey.🤐

I don't think it's controversial or weird. I would just make sure you don't rain on other people's parade. Your kids are probably to young to ruin it for your sil kids, and hopefully by the time they are old enough your sil kids will have grown out of it. We evolved to just have no tags on gifts other than the person it was for, and it works for us. So to each their own, as long as you are respecting others choices... no big deal

Im all for Santa and kids having the magical experience of him,i don't think they should believe all their big presents should be from him though,parents work hard for them why should he get all the credit,yes say santa delivers them,say parents send him the money he makes them and delivers them,use stocking or one small present from him..years and years ago I would have said different but I'm a single mother of 4 for a very long time and changed my thinking along time ago..damn if my children thought santa was bringing all their stuff that I worked 3 jobs and 70 hours for and their Dad would sit their smiling saying isn't santa great after giving nothing.. nope you do you along as its not ruined for other kids xx

No but they are small. I never left anything for Santa or reindeer but yes I've watched Christmas films.

I think it's interesting that people think that just because I don't necessarily want to do Santa (as I say I'd rather just not mention it to them) that that will somehow mean I wish to ruin it for other people.

I believe in God and my children attend church on Christmas morning but I don't shove that in people's faces either. Generally, I like to keep my opinions to myself.

This is what we do. Gifts are from people which is why people have different budgets and different gifts but Santa helps arrange and delivers everything.

My DD was suspicious from reception. She knew by Year 2 but humoured us "I know and you know I know" but DS was Year 3.

So many parents at school insist their kids believe but DC are like "everyone talks about how they are just keeping their parents happy by pretending to believe". The playground is pretty ruthless.

I don't think this is a controversial approach at all with kids age 2 and 3. You just ignore Santa from what I can tell. Santa visits are over rated at that age imo.

And even when they're older, in my experience you will be in the minority as most primary school age children think Santa brings them (some of their) presents. However I'd be shocked if you were unique in the friends group. Friends who didn't do Santa had a present called their "Santa present" and when people asked what Santa got them they said that one. But Santa also wasn't banned, so they had Santa hats and if Santa came to school they saw him, etc. They just knew the presents were from mum and dad, not Santa. It was still fun and magical.

You could also "not do Santa" in a totally joyless and condescending way. If you wish.

I honestly don't recall my parents ever mentioning santa to me. I don't remember ever believing in it, just thinking it was a fun character like the Easter bunny. Maybe it's less common now to take that approach, but it sounds normal to me. I haven't made a big deal of santa to my kids either, but they're all still VERY excited by Christmas.

Don't be silly, you can have stockings without wittering on about this creepy guy with a white beard.

And believe you me, 8 year olds are just going along with it to humour you (and because they like the rituals).