Controversial approach to Santa

[Lynsey953]

My children are 2 and 3 and I have never spoken to them about Santa. I've never said anything about him and they've never asked. We don't pay for them to see Santa and I don't allow other people to make a big deal about Santa in front of them (i.e. this present is from Santa, I would rather people say "this is from me merry Christmas").

This is how I was brought up and I have lovely memories of Christmas.

My sister in law is very upset by this and is worried that my controversial approach to Santa is going to ruin the magic for her kids. She has requested that we go to my parents house for Christmas day so that my kids don't ruin Christmas for her kids (8 and 9).

I am fine with this but I hadn't realised my approach was so controversial.

Is it? It's just what myself and my siblings always had.

I don’t see where the extra effort is.

We started off small with FC but nursery/school got them fully into it so now we are elf on the shelf-ing.

If my kids ask me FC related questions I just sort of mysteriously say "what do you think?" They want to believe so always have an explanation haha

I don't have any memory at all of believing in Father Christmas, because (my mother told me when I asked as an adult) my older brother let me into the truth when I was 3 - a boy at school had told him, apparently.

I loved Christmas as a child nonetheless and don't believe it was any less special for me.

The "magic" of Santa is perhaps missing in your Christmas but you enjoy it with that aspect. I have found the magic to be a lovely experience as a parent. The kids get swept up in it and so excited thinking he comes to the house on a magical sleigh. The magic of wondering if they will see him in the sky/hear him on the roof. I remember it as a child. We weren't well off and didnt receive loads of gifts or anything expensive each year but I loved the build up. I do it for my kids and its nice to experience it as a parent/adult. I dont tell them everything is from santa and I do tell them that I have to contribute towards the gifts santa does bring. I think i will have two more santa years before they grow out of it/realise its impossible. Im enjoying it whilst it lasts.

I dont think you are being controversial.

Well, it bit compulsory! You don’t HAVE to celebrate it if you don’t want to! I promise the Christmas police won’t come and arrest you! 😂

Ah I think it's a shame not to sprinkle a little magic on Christmas for a few years at least. It's such a short time that they believe but it's so wonderful to watch them on Christmas morning and see the excitement. So lovely putting out the carrots and mince pies etc.

But I understand the feeling about lying to them. We always said as soon as they outright ask if he is real we wouldn't lie but would say something like 'what do you think?'. Think we are probably on the last few years of believing here (have a 10yr old and 7 year old). 10 year old has sussed it but still plays along and is kind of in on the joke but hasn't admitted that they know!

We have kept it kind of low key here though, so Santa has only ever brought the stockings. The main presents under the tree are and always have been from us!

Why do you have to contribute to what Santa brings? Nothing magical about bank transfers. If you're going to do Santa, why turn him into a delivery driver?

I didnt say anything about bank transfers and I dont infer that Santa is a delivery driver.

When something is magical you need to go into the fine details with children.

All ive said is I contribute as sants houses, feeds, clothes, pays etc the elves and they buy plastic, wood and metal to make the toys

How do you contribute then? And what is magical about mummy paying for things and them being delivered?

You do appreciate we are talking about Santa and children? You seem to be looking for detail that children dont. Mummy is putting these pennies away for Santa.... is very simple for little ones. As they got older, aged 9 for example, and thought they could ask for anything from santa as its "free", without spoiling the whole concept, I reminded them it wasnt free and I contributed towards Santa's spending. I said not all families can do this and its fine. I didnt need to go into detail of how I did that or quantify it. I was vague and jokey. Ive retained the fun and magic at the same time as showing we help santa with the cost where we can. This approach was particularly helpful when we escaped DV 10 weeks before Christmas . The only option was generating debt to pay for Christmas. It wasnt lavish but the children LOVED and appreciated everything about it. They knew we didnt have much to help Santa with and that guided their lists. They received everything on their lists, and more. This reinforced santa was real as they 'knew' there was no way mummy could have done all that herself.

It's sort of hard to avoid, especially if you have primary age children. Actually, I think Christmas is great when you've got children, but I do try and minimise it for myself nowadays.

As to the brain-washing comment, I think we all need a little fun in our lives, and it's nice to have a festival to brighten up the winter.

Oh, and anyone who thinks that a child older than about 5 actually believes in Father Christmas is kidding themselves. They just go along with it - well of course they do, who wouldn't!

You could have simply explained that they can't always have everything they want... awfully convoluted to suggest that you communicate a joint budget with an imaginary man. But whatever.

My kids are the eldest of the cousins. When they were young teens we went to see family in another country. The rest of the family is super religious. We arrived Dec 26th and asked what Santa had got them. They told my kids Santa isn't real, my kids came straight back with, neither is God.

We also never went to see Santa, because the real Santa wouldn't be in a shopping centre in December. Christmas gifts came from us, just the stocking came from Santa. They're now in their 20s and they still get a stocking.
As others have said, as long as Christmas is magic and you're not ruining it for others, does it matter.

I dont think there is any magic in telling children i have to communicate a joint budget with an imaginary man. Its a shame and incorrect that you have interpreted it that way - thats your problem though, not mine. Actually you sound quite bitter about how I do Santa. We have a wonderful advent doing it our way. So many happy memories. Looking forward to December to starting it all again. Likely my eldests final year of believing in Santa.

I'm not sure what other way there is to interpret it. I think you haven't actually thought it through before.

People read too much into stuff.
As a child we never got stockings in our house and never got presents from Father Christmas. He was simply a delivery service. I vaguely remember conversations at school where kids didnt quite understand how this kid got santa presents buy this kid didn't or how one kid got one gift from santa but another kid got 12. kids just move on - as ling as they get nice stuff they dont care.
just do christmas your way.

You can do whatever you like of course, have the Christmases you want. But why the faux 'is it so unusual?'. You must be aware that most families, and most children, have the tradition of Santa at Christmas so why pretend you didn't realise?

You do you, but I think it's your responsibility not to be the ones who spoil it for other children. Which I suggest means having your kids be aware enough to play along.

My little one will absolutely not entertain the idea of Santa, she finds it quite upsetting each year, and checks he's not going to come into our house. She has sensory processing needs, and each year the loudest Santa float drives around the estate collecting for local charities and I think from that point for her the idea of him was too overwhelming.

So we have navigated our way to not spoiling the absolute joy of Santa at school for others. We have just explained that Santa visits children/families who would like him too 😊 some families have Santa visit and others don't, and we have never had any issues with this. I would never want to spoil the Santa magic for any other children.

There's lots of magic to be had however anybody celebrates the time of year 😊

You’re proud of this?
it’s not the same in any way. I don’t personally believe in God but I respect the fact that I could be wrong. No one living actually knows.

We do know Santa isn’t real. He’s not a belief system it’s a game.

Santa is a real as God

Not aimed at you OP or anyone in particular tbh but I do find people who say 'I don't tell my kids about Father Christmas because I REFUSE to lie to them' are happy to lie about other things 😂

Tbh my Mum never really bothered with Santa in a massive way, she took me to see him but I think sometimes the point of that is so the parent can hear what their kid wants for xmas whilst they also get a nice experience out of it. Was probably cheaper back then as you literally saw Santa in like a garden centre then left, not whole experience days you get now!

I think kids can be more sensitive than people give them credit for. I remember realising 'the truth' quite early and my friend who was a year younger than me telling me Santa must be real because he'd brought her a rocking horse and her Mum had shown her she didn't have any money in her purse at all so she couldn't possibly have afforded to buy it. I remember thinking 'credit cards are a thing' but I just nodded and said she must be right.

You do you OP, your kids will still have a fantastic Christmas. I think your SIL is worrying a bit prematurely, at 2 & 3 your kids are highly unlikely to vehemently deny his existence to their cousins!

Agree with this - I remember having discussions with my friends in school about the whole 'is Santa real?' but tbh never really thought about inconsistencies.

Got them more as a child of divorced parents - Mum didn't do a stocking and the presents under the tree were from her but Santa had delivered them. At Dad's Santa brought the stocking. It's no big deal.

They don't think Santa brings everything for long though and eventually, parents get the credit anyway when they realise it was the parents all along.

We do everything from Santa, though they are very small like OP's DC's so I can appreciate we may decide to change things as they get older.

All this drama about 'lies' and 'complicity'! It's hardly on a par with bodies under the patio.

It really isn't a 'big thing' to teach your children to be respectful and compassionate. Believe - or don't believe - what you like, but don't try and pretend that explaining that playing along when other children obviously do believe it is an impossible task.

Saying 'we don't have Santa at our house' is very different to saying 'Santa isn't real'. But you know that.