Sorry this is long but I'm trying to give a full picture. I've always been a very independent person and have rarely asked for anything from my parents since leaving home at 18. I've generally had a drama free life. Got good jobs and financially on top of everything. My parents have always been the sort to try and help their kids and they offer a lot to my younger siblings, especially my younger brother who they help a lot and put themselves out there a lot for him, even though he doesn't make a lot of effort with them. They complain my 2 siblings live far away, especially my middle brother who has children and my mum gets jealous of the other grandma who looks after his kids a lot.
However, in my mid 30s 2 years ago I lost my job and my partner left me while I was pregnant, which left me in a vulnerable situation as I had a mortgaged house and lived a long way from my family. My mum invited me to move in with them (their idea) which was a lifeline and I was very grateful for. They were both really supportive with the birth and ever since and they forged a very close relationship with my child. As a baby, I did the bulk but they were always on hand if I needed a shower or someone to watch him when I interviewed for a new job or went to the gym classes twice a week (my mum encouraged me to get back to exercising). Because he was breastfed, I didn't do any overnights without him till I went back to work and rarely did anything socially without him.
I got a new job after a year and went back full time (my industry doesn't do part time). My son has been at nursery 4 days a week and 1 with my mum (her suggestion). Between the 3 of us we do pick ups and drop offs although my mum tends to do pick up as it's in my working hours and then I take over after he's had dinner and do bath, bed and any wake ups at night. I sometimes have to travel for work. It's quite common in my line of work, but I purposefully chose a new job where I work from home and travel less but there is some travel. I also go to the gym for an hour twice a week. After that, I just don't feel like I can ask for much more as that seems like a lot of help, so I rarely see my friends or do anything socially that isn't work. When I do I feel bad for asking and also for being away from my son. I don't mind but I sometimes feel a bit lonely as I don't get out much. I'll add I also contribute financially and I pay for nearly everything for my son and anything they've bought for him, they do the equvilant for the other grandchildren. Also they give my brother a lot of money towards his childcare since they feel they're doing a lot for me, even though they get help from the other grandparents.
Now my gripe is how much my mum complains to me and tells me I should be grateful and implies I should move out sometimes, but when I say I'm looking to move out she backtracks and says there's no rush and I don't have to. She's always saying how tired she is complaining how much she has to do. She doesn't work and my son is at nursery 4 days a week. But on those 4 days she does loads of exercise classes and is out and about all day, which she is totally free to do and I'm not saying she shouldn't, but it's also how much she expects from herself and the rest of us in the rest of the time; Every meal is complicated and from scratch and takes a long time. On the days she's not around I throw together really simple, quick meals and she complains to me about this, saying I should try harder and she managed it when we were kids on her own. If I try to cook when she's there, she never wants to eat what I'm making and complains I'm in the way/making a mess, so generally I stick to clearing/washing up after my child is asleep. She complains our rooms are a mess, but if I ask her to watch my son while I sort them out, she will complain about that too saying she's busy. When I travel for work the first thing I have to do when I get back is say thank you and how grateful I am, otherwise I get an earful for being rude. For example, one time my son was crying when I got home so I immediately took him upstairs to get him out of my parents hair, then my mum followed me and told me off for not saying thank you.
She's not like this with my brothers at all and will drop anything for them. To give an example I had a rare social thing in the calendar scheduled for after my son was asleep, I was dressed and ready to go, but then my brother was visiting and suddenly told us he needed a lift from the station. I got told I coudln't go out afterall since he needed a lift. I then had to listen to my brother talking about how he'd been out every day for the last month when he arrived at the house, which I found really upsetting.
A while ago I broke down to my parents and said I felt like me and my son are an inconvinience to them and said I felt very lonely and I couldn't go out much and my mum said she didn't intend to make it seem like it was an inconvinience and she's very happy to look after my son and then she didn't complain as much for a while, but recently it's started again.
I feel like they absolutely love my son, but I feel like they don't really want us in the house, but they do want us to live very close by.
I've been planning options to move out and where I don't have to rely on them as much as, as much as I really am grateful, I'm exhausted by it and having to feel like someone is doing me a favour all the time. This would involve moving further away as they live in a very expensive area and I'd need to free up income to pay for childcare. I tentatively mentioned this to my dad and then they cornered me and asked me why I felt like I needed to move out and said I can stay as long as I like.
I'm just very tired and feel isolated even with their support sometimes. I know being a mum of a young child is always very tiring, single or not, especially trying to balance work as well. But I feel like the treading on eggshells is adding to my exhaustion and mental workload.
AIBU to be fed up of telling my mum I'm grateful?