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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to meet your child’s potential in-laws?

142 replies

EWAB · 14/10/2025 16:02

My son is nearly 26, and spent some time in the States where he met his partner who is 18 months younger than him.

He has been very serious about her for a good four years; to my knowledge he has had no other partners. She is very, very sweet.

He told us that life would be so much easier if they were married and this wedding would take place in the States at Whitsun. He never thought he would be married at this age but wants to be with her and in her circle in Upstate New York their ages wouldn’t be really commented upon.

I suppose partner’s nieces and friend’s kids have been married between 28 and 35 but this isn’t really something I should be focusing on is it?

NOW FINALLY MY AIBU her parents are in a hotel for a week in London before heading to Scotland and have no interest whatsoever in meeting me. They accidentally met my ex when he gave my son a lift and the future in-laws were walking on the pavement where they pulled up.

They have told my son that they are looking forward to hosting us next year and have always been welcoming to him. I asked them over but son said that they responded to the invitation just by saying they were on their only holiday of the year and time was scarce.

I am genuinely desperate to meet them; am I odd?

OP posts:
jeremyclarksonsthirdnipple · 14/10/2025 16:05

I always thought it was the joining of two families, so something to be welcomed. I am surprised at their attitude.

Mulledjuice · 14/10/2025 16:06

Do you live in London?

Annual leave is scarce in the states....

Doidontimmm · 14/10/2025 16:08

They have said holiday time is scarce so it’s nothing to do with you personally, they just value their holiday time.

It’s very odd to me you are focusing on their ages? People get married at all ages!

Greggsit · 14/10/2025 16:09

I think there's a happy medium between them not being interested and you being desperate!

Firedrink · 14/10/2025 16:11

I can absolutely understand your curiosity.
In their place I definitely would want to meet my future SIL's mother.
Strange.

Jack2025 · 14/10/2025 16:13

Time is scarce?! What an odd thing to say! They could’ve carved out an hour or two to meet you without it significantly impacting their holiday!
Incidentally one of my best friends daughter got engaged several months ago and she only met the parents of her future son in law at his birthday party over the weekend! I thought that was very odd…

shoofly · 14/10/2025 16:14

I think it's really odd that they don't want to meet up. I can understand holiday time being precious but you're not suggesting joining them on holiday. Presumably they could spare an hour for a coffee or lunch?
Obviously if you live on different continents you'll not be in each other's pockets, but surely a meet up before the wedding would be nice?

UndineSpraggg · 14/10/2025 16:14

Do they both currently live in the US - or do they intend to?

Why is it ‘easier’ if they are married?

AphroditesSeashell · 14/10/2025 16:14

I've been with my partner 8 years. We both live ~10 minutes away from our childhood areas. Our parents have never met each other.

We are getting married next year, just us and two witnesses. So, the parents will still not meet 😄

I think it's an old-fashioned thing and just isn't something that I'm arsed about. Although I'd point out; neither are our parents, clearly.

Anxioustealady · 14/10/2025 16:15

Maybe they'd rather meet with your son and their daughter also there first?

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/10/2025 16:16

I wish my parents had met my batshit crazy inlaws, things would of been different. So yeah if my kids get married, damn right Im meeting their parents.

Waitingfordoggo · 14/10/2025 16:19

I would be disappointed. As PPs have said, surely they could spare an hour for a coffee and cake together? Especially if you are willing to travel to wherever they are so as not to eat in to their holiday time. 🫤

I got married at 26- felt right at the time. I look back on it now and think I was very young but it’s worked out ok so far! (22 years).

Potatoespotatoesagain · 14/10/2025 16:19

How far of a journey is it for them? Could you propose meeting them for a coffee near their hotel IF they have time?
tbh I’d be loathed to miss a day of my holiday to meet up with someone I didn’t know yet x

Notagain75 · 14/10/2025 16:20

I think it depends really. Some people in the USA only get two weeks holiday a year. And I assume they want to see as much of the UK while they are here. You say you asked them over and i can understand them not wanting to take time out to visit you in your home (how far is it from the hotel?). Perhaps it would have been better if you asked them if they wanted to meet them in a cafe near their hotel so it didn't affect their plans.

Dartmoorcheffy · 14/10/2025 16:22

They are on holiday and they are hosting you next year.

SparklyCardigan · 14/10/2025 16:24

Sorry, but they sound like absolute twats, assuming you are within easy day trip distance of London (or wherever they'll be in Scotland, I suppose). If you're not, then I can understand their response a bit better, but they are still rude.

EvelynBeatrice · 14/10/2025 16:25

Doidontimmm · 14/10/2025 16:08

They have said holiday time is scarce so it’s nothing to do with you personally, they just value their holiday time.

It’s very odd to me you are focusing on their ages? People get married at all ages!

I don’t think that it’s odd to mention her son’s youth. Where people have been to university and are in professional careers it’s very unusual nowadays for them to marry before their late 20s/ early 30s.

Whosunreasonable · 14/10/2025 16:26

My parents and in-laws met the day of the our wedding. Neither asked about meeting beforehand. The next time was 2 yrs later at DS's christening. Haven't seen or spoken to one another since and that was 15/13 yrs ago.
They live in the same town about 10 minutes away from each other. My mother has often said she seen mil in the shopping centre but never spoke. Then again mil has often walked by me and DS in the same shopping centre so no surprise there.

Doidontimmm · 14/10/2025 16:26

Not everyone goes to university?

Ultravox · 14/10/2025 16:33

I would be disappointed too but I guess ultimately it’s their choice! If they are welcoming to your son and are hosting you next year then I’d assume that this is a precious holiday for them and they have their time planned out.

If I was them though I’d be dying to meet up with you and would definitely make time for a coffee especially if you were making the effort to travel to meet me.

EvelynBeatrice · 14/10/2025 16:34

Doidontimmm · 14/10/2025 16:26

Not everyone goes to university?

No - but given the OP’s comment it’s fair to assume that in her social circle and experience, marrying someone at a young age is unusual.

I would also find it a little concerning if any of my children’s future in-laws declined a civil invitation to meet, because that would be unusual and unmannerly in my experience and social grouping.

However I’d put a positive spin on it and remind myself that cultural differences exist and manners vary and that they well be lovely people with very good reasons that are none of my business why they can’t meet this time. It’s nice and a positive sign that they have mentioned hosting the OP on a future occasion.

ChubbyPuffling · 14/10/2025 16:36

My mum and my in laws met on our wedding day. Didn't realise they were supposed to meet up, they lived 12 hours apart.

blankcanvas3 · 14/10/2025 16:36

They are hosting you next year so I don’t really see the problem? My parents didn’t meet my MIL until our engagement party and have probs seen each other about 3 times since so I don’t think it’s a big deal

OriginalUsername2 · 14/10/2025 16:37

Maybe it’s their only time together as a couple. I wouldn’t take that personally at all. They have their holiday planned out.

godmum56 · 14/10/2025 16:41

I think you are odd to be desperate to meet them. I mean what difference will it make? I also think that 25 and 26 ish is not young to be married. And as for the joining families bollocks <insert eyeroll here>

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