Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you want to meet your child’s potential in-laws?

142 replies

EWAB · 14/10/2025 16:02

My son is nearly 26, and spent some time in the States where he met his partner who is 18 months younger than him.

He has been very serious about her for a good four years; to my knowledge he has had no other partners. She is very, very sweet.

He told us that life would be so much easier if they were married and this wedding would take place in the States at Whitsun. He never thought he would be married at this age but wants to be with her and in her circle in Upstate New York their ages wouldn’t be really commented upon.

I suppose partner’s nieces and friend’s kids have been married between 28 and 35 but this isn’t really something I should be focusing on is it?

NOW FINALLY MY AIBU her parents are in a hotel for a week in London before heading to Scotland and have no interest whatsoever in meeting me. They accidentally met my ex when he gave my son a lift and the future in-laws were walking on the pavement where they pulled up.

They have told my son that they are looking forward to hosting us next year and have always been welcoming to him. I asked them over but son said that they responded to the invitation just by saying they were on their only holiday of the year and time was scarce.

I am genuinely desperate to meet them; am I odd?

OP posts:
Zempy · 14/10/2025 18:12

I would like to meet them, sure, but it wouldn’t upset me that they’re too busy.

ispecialiseinthis · 14/10/2025 18:12

Woodwalk · 14/10/2025 18:08

You talk as though they're just turned 18! It's totally normal to be getting married at 26. I'm only a few years older and went to plenty weddings in my mid twenties including my own.

Also - in the USA they are lucky to get two weeks of annual leave. They really will be wanting to jam pack the trip. Don't be offended - they are happy to host you next year.

Perhaps they thought it would be a bit awkward all meeting up (without your son and daughter in law there too) as a first meeting would ordinarily be with your children to introduce you? I can imagine it would be very awkward without those two to be the common thread!

Phew - I was starting to think that my friends, family, DH and I were all child brides from a strange cult and backward part of the world

Elsvieta · 14/10/2025 18:13

Not odd of you, but the fact is a lot of Americans only get two weeks' annual leave. Nothing you can do really.

JHound · 14/10/2025 18:14

I don't get why you are desperate to meet them tbh. If I was them I would prioritise the rest of my holiday too. You can meet them next year.

Screamingabdabz · 14/10/2025 18:15

I don’t think it’s weird at all. They’re on their holidays and want to enjoy that. You are strangers and likely to remain only passing acquaintances in the future. They’ll meet you next year. It’s not a big deal.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 14/10/2025 18:15

AphroditesSeashell · 14/10/2025 16:14

I've been with my partner 8 years. We both live ~10 minutes away from our childhood areas. Our parents have never met each other.

We are getting married next year, just us and two witnesses. So, the parents will still not meet 😄

I think it's an old-fashioned thing and just isn't something that I'm arsed about. Although I'd point out; neither are our parents, clearly.

Edited

That is truly , exceptionally weird. I'm sorry but it is.

TwilightSkylightsAndA40WattBulb · 14/10/2025 18:15

EWAB · 14/10/2025 16:02

My son is nearly 26, and spent some time in the States where he met his partner who is 18 months younger than him.

He has been very serious about her for a good four years; to my knowledge he has had no other partners. She is very, very sweet.

He told us that life would be so much easier if they were married and this wedding would take place in the States at Whitsun. He never thought he would be married at this age but wants to be with her and in her circle in Upstate New York their ages wouldn’t be really commented upon.

I suppose partner’s nieces and friend’s kids have been married between 28 and 35 but this isn’t really something I should be focusing on is it?

NOW FINALLY MY AIBU her parents are in a hotel for a week in London before heading to Scotland and have no interest whatsoever in meeting me. They accidentally met my ex when he gave my son a lift and the future in-laws were walking on the pavement where they pulled up.

They have told my son that they are looking forward to hosting us next year and have always been welcoming to him. I asked them over but son said that they responded to the invitation just by saying they were on their only holiday of the year and time was scarce.

I am genuinely desperate to meet them; am I odd?

My parents have met my husbands mum and partner 3 times in 30ish years including our wedding. They have only met his Dad at our wedding. I dont think they've met his Dad's partner as she left quite early. No aminosity anywhere. I think his mum would posdibly have liked to get to know my parents but they live miles away and my family arent the most outgoing and my family is tiny.

In contrast is my best friend... Jane married John. John has a brother called Chris. Chris married Clare. Jane, the brothers and Claire's extended families all got together regularly. We're talking like 50/60 people. Chris died. Clair and her family were still part of the collective. Clare remarried Clive. Now Clive's family has also been absorbed into it even though he has nothing to do with any of it and I just think that's lovely.

JHound · 14/10/2025 18:16

I also don't understand the focus on age - I think 26 is a great age to be engaged / married. I never got the whole - be with your life partner but just randomly wait years and years and years to be married. Never made sense to me.

Namechagergamechangwr91 · 14/10/2025 18:20

AphroditesSeashell · 14/10/2025 16:14

I've been with my partner 8 years. We both live ~10 minutes away from our childhood areas. Our parents have never met each other.

We are getting married next year, just us and two witnesses. So, the parents will still not meet 😄

I think it's an old-fashioned thing and just isn't something that I'm arsed about. Although I'd point out; neither are our parents, clearly.

Edited

Is there a reason none of them have met each other?

One of my sisters in-laws have met my parents briefly a few times over the years,

My other sister goes on holidays with her in-laws, my dad's been on holiday with her FIL and her husband, I've spent Christmas, holidays, days out with her parent in laws

My mum has only met that sisters in-laws a few times.... she claims not to like them but their really nice people, I think she's just jealous of how close they are to my sister 😅

Icanthinkformyselfthanks · 14/10/2025 18:20

They probably have their holiday planned to the last five minutes. I wouldn’t worry about this too much. Yet.

trainkeepsgoing · 14/10/2025 18:20

I think it’s rude. As you’re only down the road and you offered to pop into the hotel, they could squeeze in 1 hour for coffee. Might have to assume there is something else going on-they’re unwell/on brink of divorce/embarrassed by their haircuts or something

TequilaNights · 14/10/2025 18:21

Given they were on holiday, they may have had a busy schedule.
I couldn't think of anything worse to do, than on holiday, meet up with people I have never met before.

U53rName · 14/10/2025 18:23

EWAB · 14/10/2025 16:54

I can’t help worry about the ages because in this generation even 26 is a bit young but 23 is very young but not my business.

The parents could walk to the middle of the street where their hotel is and 45 minutes later they could be in my front room.

Both my son and his partner are in London and she was staying here but now both of them are in the hotel.

Both of his parents are in London often, his father two or three times a year.

They declined my invitation and the response about time being scarce was actually in response to my saying I would meet them in the hotel.

I accept that I am coming over as desperately weird but even so I am shocked and upset. Ex said they were charming and they have been warm and welcoming to my son. As for hosting us I think it is at the wedding not their actual house.

He’s 26 and she’s 23? In your initial post, you say that she’s 18 months younger…how does that work?

Pallisers · 14/10/2025 18:24

I think their refusal to meet up - even for a quick coffee is really weird. And very unusual for most of the americans I know (I live here). Is it possible they aren't that enthusiastic about the relationship and don't want to encourage it?

InAHammock · 14/10/2025 18:25

U53rName · 14/10/2025 18:23

He’s 26 and she’s 23? In your initial post, you say that she’s 18 months younger…how does that work?

Show quote history

He’s 25 and, depending on when her birthday is, she could be still 23.

soverymuchdone · 14/10/2025 18:39

I don't care how little annual leave you have or how packed your schedule is, refusing to sacrifice half an hour for coffee in your hotel when invited is weird and rude. They're probably concerned you want some kind of involvement with the wedding planning.

I'd leave them to it and consider myself relieved of any obligation to be anything more than coldly civil towards them.

FinallyHere · 14/10/2025 18:49

I’d reserve judgement on the circumstances set out by OP. Completely understand wanting to meet potential DiL’s family and background.

so much so that I would offer to arrange my own holiday in their part of the world, and offer to visit them / probably better to invite them to lunch at your hotel.

if they still were unable to make time or did not immediately counter invitation you for lunch in their own home, I would be wondering why.

and thinking about what it might mean.

Treetop111 · 14/10/2025 18:53

Different people will have very different views on what they want from a set up such as this.

I’ve been with DH for nearly 20 years and have a young DS. Both sets of parents have always lived no more than about 20 miles from us or each other. My parents and PIL have never met each other.

They wouldn’t know if they walked past each other in the street. My siblings and DH siblings have also never met each other.

Not everyone wants a huge joined up family.

JLou08 · 14/10/2025 19:05

I wouldn't want to give up any of my holiday to meet up with strangers. It's alright saying it would only be an hour but it's not that straight forward, logistics need to be sorted, people might get lost or be running late so it eats in to more time.

boxofbuttons · 14/10/2025 19:11

Most of my friends' parents didn't meet until their wedding days! Mine and DH's didn't. And Americans get far less annual leave than we do, generally - I don't blame them for not wanting what is like to be a tedious* social call.

*not that you're tedious - I'm sure you're lovely! But they don't know you, and you're unlikely to spend all that much time together over your lives, even with your children married, with them living on the other side of the world. Meeting new people to have to be on best behaviour for one of my precious holiday days when I could be exploring a city I don't know well would not be high on my priority list much.

boxofbuttons · 14/10/2025 19:13

TwilightSkylightsAndA40WattBulb · 14/10/2025 18:15

My parents have met my husbands mum and partner 3 times in 30ish years including our wedding. They have only met his Dad at our wedding. I dont think they've met his Dad's partner as she left quite early. No aminosity anywhere. I think his mum would posdibly have liked to get to know my parents but they live miles away and my family arent the most outgoing and my family is tiny.

In contrast is my best friend... Jane married John. John has a brother called Chris. Chris married Clare. Jane, the brothers and Claire's extended families all got together regularly. We're talking like 50/60 people. Chris died. Clair and her family were still part of the collective. Clare remarried Clive. Now Clive's family has also been absorbed into it even though he has nothing to do with any of it and I just think that's lovely.

Show quote history

This is SO nice. It's my personal worst nightmare (my family - and I - are the opposite types haha, all mega introverts) but I think it's so lovely and inclusive if you're that way inclined.

Waitingfordoggo · 14/10/2025 19:19

Quite surprised to see all the responses asking why it’s necessary or desirable for the parents to meet each other. Of course it isn’t essential, but it surprises me that people aren’t curious! If one of my children were getting married, I’d be interested to meet the family of the person they were marrying.

My parents and ILs actually already knew of each other socially as they lived in the same (very small) town and had a lot of mutual friends. They were acquaintances rather than friends (nothing major but just different interests and hobbies, and slightly different values although very similar political views).

I was glad they met numerous times. It was nice to be able to have Christmases and special occasions all together, so that my children could have ALL of their lovely grandparents together.

GardenersDelight · 14/10/2025 19:37

Both my daughters married inlast few of years and we met the parents a couple of weeks before the weddings despite them only living a few miles away

JellicleCat · 14/10/2025 19:42

I'm pretty sure my parents and my in-laws only met the night before our wedding. So no I don't think this is strange at all. They lived about two hours from each other, we lived 4 hours from both sets.

PotolKimchi · 14/10/2025 19:45

Annual leave is really rare in the US.
They are hosting you next year.
26 is young but not desperately young.
I assume that it is for Green Card reasons they are getting married given Trump’s H1B crackdown.