I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

Are you honestly saying that from the age of 10-18 they have no awareness of right and wrong?

Should the teenage girls who beat an elderly man to death in islington be protected from their actions?

A 15 year old is very different from a 6 year old. There was a post on here the other day where an OP was getting pulled apart for her views of a 17, nearly 18 old. Is there some magic switch that exists when people turn 18?

Or should we be teaching them the consequences of their actions to prepare them for the level of responsibility and personal autonomy they instantly get at 18?

Also there will be plenty of reasons they have made the criminal age so responsibility 10. They won't just have plucked the number out of thin air.

You have my sympathy. I’m not being sarcastic. I do not like my DSS. I don’t hate him, I just really don’t like him. Even the sound of his sneering posh voice gives me a visceral need to get away. And I did get away. I left. I live with my DC on my own now. It’s wonderful!

I hate my DSD too. She’s a right cow. She made up some wicked lies about me and my son which I just can’t forgive her for.

Love DSS like a second son though.

Hmmm. I feel for the OP here, it must be horrific. I have a DP who I met when his children were adults and they were brought up in a stable home (parents didn’t divorce until later in life). My DSS is a sweetheart but his sister has always been an absolute nightmare apparently. She functions in society and holds down a good career but my goodness she is absolutely vicious, controlling and manipulative to people close to her. She decided to go NC with both DSS and DP and tbh it has been a massive relief to them both. I hope that you get through this OP.

OP I'm here to give solidarity. I also hate DSD. My DH though was a fairly rubbish dad although very very well intentioned. He didn't have the skillset. Her mother is a monster.

And I fully get your frustration at the 'show her some love and compassion'. I'm sure you have shown her years of it. When you then also have smaller ones relying on you, you will see things differently. I personally would not ever leave my baby alone in a room with DSD.

Do people think that bad adults were lovely teens? Do our feelings not count?

I am of the type to say all behaviour is communication and obviously dsc has somethings going on which need investigating with time and kindness. However as soon as she threatened the safety of the other children I would be looking at getting them out of there. I would not be able to get passed her reporting to social services and would be concerned that it might happen again.
I'm not saying you have to divorce your husband, you can keep the relationship going but it would be seperate homes for the both of you until she leaves or grows up and calms down. She would not be welcome in the new place, and I would expect my husband to not have his little children in the original house, all visits and access woild take place at yout home. Sibling relationships are to be valued but not when they are toxic.

I've had mine for almost thirty years and I have finally gone NC after an unforgivable insult. DH said if she apologises that'll make it right. I said not this time. Toxic woman.

Mine was an adult and DH widowed when we met. Overindulged by her late mother, by accounts from other family members. DS is a lovely bloke!

You’re batshit. Leave the dad so she can have some peace.

Yes but the point is, when teens become challenging, which is a very normal process, their parents still love them through it while detesting their behaviour. And although they find this stage very tough, they don’t loathe and blame the teenager for it.

Your dsd probably felt herself to be in quite a helpless situation with very little control op and did what she did because she felt unhappy and desperate and didn’t think it through. And probably didn’t have full awareness of the consequences either. How could she at fifteen?

I hope your dp comes to his senses and realises that he cannot live with someone who hates his child.

I don’t care that you feel better venting here op frankly. You sound as though you are taking her behaviour very personally when it’s her stage of development that is the issue. And the circumstances she has found herself living in. It’s totally inappropriate to post your hate speech about a child.

So bored of the poor kid narrative on here when it concerns a stepchild. They could do absolutely anything and some posters would still say ‘poor kid’ and lambast the stepmum. Always stepmums, not stepdads, they’re safe from the vitriol from the first wives club.

The poor kid is 15 years old, she knows what she’s doing. Sometimes people, including younger people, are just fucking horrible. And sometimes they are just fucking horrible because they can be and not due to deep rooted trauma because their parents split up and blah blah. My DC doesn’t get to see their dad who I am divorced from, but I don’t give them allowance to take the absolute piss out of everyone in their vicinity as a result.

If this post was about anyone but a step daughter - a school bully, a biological daughter, a work colleague, a niece - the responses would, as always, be completely different.

I would honestly send her back to mum if she thinks she’s so fucking great.

This is mumsnet so if you had said this about a friend's kid or neighbour's kid you would have been absolutely fine. In fact there was a thread just yesterday where the OP said they couldnt stand a child who kept trying to play with their daughter and the replies were all in support and saying how awful the child sounded. But you've said it about your stepkid and so obviously you're evil.
The step-parentong board barely gets posted on anymore because there is no point, posters are just hounded by women who have no understanding of what it's like to be a step-parent and project their own worries of a step-parent coming into their children's lives.

I felt the exact same as you about my oldest stepson at one point. He lived with us full time but had been raised by his mum for the first 9 year and she had created an absolute monster. He was awful, obnoxious, nasty, manipulative, aggressive and destructive, his mum had actually encouraged all of this (and would post videos of him behaving this way to social media, laughing or making comments such as 'like mother like son'. I seriously questioned leaving for the sake of my younger children that I shared with DH but then was also scared to because it would mean them being around my stepson without me there so I ended up staying so that I could always be there.

I honestly hated him so much at one point that I struggled to look him in the eye. But over the years of loving with us, the effort that DH and I have put in to raising him has finally started to make a different. He is now 14 but he is becoming much better, he can still be seriously obnoxious at times but he is also now starting to show a really kind and caring side and is starting to be a good big brother to his siblings, rather than a bully (most of the time). My feelings about him have changed so much and I really do care about and love him now. He is far from perfect, what kid isn't, but has come a long way from when he first came to live with us. It's been 5 years since he came to live here full time and Id say that it took 4 and half of those years to get where we are, the first 4 were awful. So hopefully there's hope for your stepdaughter and maybe she will eventually learn more from you and your DH than she did from her mum, it's a long and rough road though.

I had one of those OP. She’s now my ex step daughter. My life is so peaceful now without the constant drama. No man on this planet is worth it.

How old was she when her father left, and why did he leave and staet a new family

He did not leave, the relationship broke down and actually her mother moved a selfishly long distance away. Again let’s all beat DD down club. Why are women never to blame?

Your DSD has lived with you full time for the past 2-4 years and you don’t think your DH’s parenting has anything to do with her worsening behaviour? It’s all the mother’s fault?

Sorry, but I don’t agree a well rounded child needs to have two present and co ordinated parents, as one good parent has been plenty good enough for masses of kids.

Ugh, typed that while making breakfast and so many typos!

I have children who have been through trauma with their biological father, much more trauma than my SD who's parents split before she was born and she has no memory of anything other than me and her dad being together. Yet my children have never showed the type of behaviour the OP describes but my SD has.

Some adults are just not nice people, I'm sure we're all aware of them, and those people used to be not nice children. Sometimes you can put everything you have in to a child and they still turn out to be a complete narcissist, this doesn't just happen overnight when they turn 18. And it's extremely hard to deal with when you're a step parent and have less control and are unexplainably held to insanely high standards.

Perhaps she was out drinking because she felt neglected, so when she got in trouble she took that as her prompt to tell social services she felt neglected. You do seem very emotionally immature as you're perceiving her behaviour as being purely ways of attacking you, as though she's being horrible to you and ruining your lives for the sake of it. Why? Because she's an awful person, end of story? It's an incredibly shallow interpretation. It's great that you're in therapy but it will take a long time for you to untangle this, meanwhile you'll all continue triangulating and seeing yourselves as victims to your evil SD. It really would be best for you to split the households and for her father to focus on his daughter right now as she clearly needs focused attention. Could you and your partner put her first for once, to give her a chance at turning her life around?

You shouldn’t be throwing that word so casually around like that about a child. It’s irresponsible.

I don’t care what your teen dsd has done, how an adult can post this stuff about a child is not on.

Have you ever considered that coming to live in a home where younger cute step siblings are favoured over you the awkward older teen step kid, can be pretty damaging in itself?

I can totally see why you feel the way you do, but she is still a child and so needs to be surrounded by people who love her unconditionally (which you cannot). You need to leave, you also need to leave for your children's safety: social services and the police will need to investigate every allegation and this could blow apart your children's lives. What if she alleges something very extreme and difficult to disprove? It will be on your children's records.

I think some of the responses you're getting are unfair. It must have been absolutely awful to have police and social services investigating. A completely humiliating and scary experience. I'm surprised your marriage didn't crumble. How did your children take it? It can also affect your ability to work in certain sectors.

You’re talking about a 12 year old you absolute weirdo 🤣😭. She dug her heels in and stayed cuz she was a selfish adult (worse than a selfish child). The lack of brain cells is astounding

Hmm, not sure what you’re trying to achieve here, but alienating people will not help in making your situation more understood or making posters more empathetic.

You certainly sound like you are beyond the end of your tether. I hope your marriage can survive this, but suspect it won’t. I wish you and your DC the best of luck in the future, however that may look for you.

So true. Some people are just plain nasty and it doesn’t just happen when they turn 18. This girl sounds manipulative and sadistic with her false allegations and lies. She will no doubt turn into a nasty and manipulative woman once she is an adult. Just like the bullies at my school have largely turned into adult versions of what they were like as teens. And no they didn’t all have trauma in their lives.
I would completely check out, stop speaking to her, stop reacting to anything she says or does and focus on your own kids. Her mum believes the lies yet her mum wasn’t able to cope with her living there beyond the age of 12 which says a lot. Be cautious- try to never be alone with her and id also start recording conversations etc if she’s in the habit of making false allegations.
If there’s another report to social services I would move out with the younger kids. Your DH has to make a choice.

So basically you hate her and her mother and think she’s the problem. Yup.