I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

You’ve done the right thing checking out.

Don’t do anything for her, don’t cook for her, don’t give her lifts, don’t buy her anything.

Are your kids safe, has she hurt them?

I really feel for you OP and understand how you might be feeling.

My friend who is the kindest, most loving person you could ever meet met her husband around 15 years ago, he had a daughter around 12 years old at the time.

From day 1 the daughter been a nightmare. She is so selfish, self centred, jealous and overbearing…. My friend being the loving person she is loved her unconditionally still…. We as her friends and family respected that but I would actively avoid this child.

Over the years her behaviour escalate. She is always a victim that seems to go out of her way to make others miserable and you can see the satisfaction on her face when she has.

She very nearly ripped my friends marriage apart BUT they stuck together and made it through and in a great place now with very limited contact via the husband only. My friend had 2 boys when they met and husband has been the most incredible step dad, they also have a son together and are a very happy family all normal, loving and connected.

As mean as it sounds the daughter was always the issue and a vile human nothing will change. Now as an adult they have never worked, fat, lazy, messed up relationships and goes around wreaking lives all her family hate her but it’s all her own doing.

I hope you find a solution. Teenage girls are so hard but there is a limit on what’s normal and crossing the line. You are allowed to feel how you do, it doesn’t make you a bad person you are just being real.

My friends husband taking over ALL parenting saved their marriage. Take a step back and let him deal with it.

Good luck to you all x

So you admit your "wonderful husband" has been a shit dad to her. But of course it is all the mun's fault.

You are all adults in this CHILD'S life and you are all to blame.

Step mum here too and it isn't easy and my dsc have out me through hell over the years but wow....you are vile.

Do the kid a favour and get out of her life.

I know a girl very similar to your DSD @8842688l . People feel very unsafe around her, not because she is physically threatening at all, she presents as sweetness and light.
She seems to like you and all is well for a while then the (false) accusations start. No one is immune, friends, parents friends, teachers etc. If you were foolish enough to believe a word she says you would think she had lived a life of daily trauma. In reality she has had a very privileged upbringing.
My own daughter has put distance between them as she doesn't trust her not to make up false scenarios and get her/them in trouble.
I would walk away from this relationship OP, for you and your other children. She probably needs more than you can give and you will drive yourself to distraction trying to make things right.

Too many women are shite mothers but god forbid anyone point it out, it MUST be the male.

Uh huh. IF this were a real scenario, it would be up to your husband to sort it out, not because he has a penis but because he is the child's parent and you aren't. You're welcome.

insert answer that you wanted to hear here

I honestly do understand why people say things like this. I do. But, have you considered what you will/would have/ done/do if your children turn out like this during their teens? I know for a fact I would turf out my son, so why on earth would her husband? This child is just as much his child as the ones he has with the OP. They’re just as important.

Wow, you're a delight. Let's give you all the sympathy and ignore our empathy towards the child.

@8842688l you have my sympathy - however I do think her dad needs to take her away on her own somewhere, and get to the bottom of this -

Tons of kids make stuff up. What if it had bdd. Your child who had? Would you hate them with quite so much venom? You need to leave as no child should go through childhood being despised by their grown ups.

Honestly I’d either be moving out or be telling her she can fuck off to boarding school for sixth form (might do her good)

Yes but are you the resident parent? It's different if you have the child at least 50% of the time. It sounds like the mother was the resident parent for the formative years. Overly permissive parenting can produce as many issues of entitlement and manipulation in teenagers and adults as overly harsh or neglectful parenting. It sounds like the mother set no boundaries and possibly also parentified the child and then washed her hands of her when she unsurprisingly became extremely difficult to manage.

OP I really feel for you. It sounds desperate. Ignore all the horrible, unsupportive posters. Of course you and your DH deserve happiness.

She didn't say that at all, she said he's a great dad. But it's difficult for one parent, particularly the NRP to counter the poor parenting of the other parent. And sometimes it IS the mum's fault. I had a terrible mother. I also know loads of brilliant mothers but they're not all perfect and it's dangerous to assume they are.

If you’d read the thread I’ll happily pack my bags and leave, I’m actually worried more about my DP mental health plummeting when the time comes

Not all children get rejected by their own mother at age 12.

I’ve said very clearly, nobody is going to change my mind that I should be saying “poor girl” to someone who’s made our lives utter hell just because they can. So I’m finding it pretty boring. The normal teenage difficulties I can deal with, but lying and manipulation isn’t normal. Sorry if you don’t agree.

To the poster (who I can’t find now) who suggests I’m staying because of the money, I actually earn more than DP. What a strange misogynistic comment to make on a woman’s forum.

Leans on the side of psychotic?! What does that even mean?? People experience psychosis, which is a serious mental illness and should be treated. She may have complex emotional needs from trauma…. And she’ll know she’s hated by you!

I think you are absolutely right and you look to move out, you don’t need to split up. It’s possible you can be a better parent away from the situation.

Can dsd move back to her mother’s house or even stay for weekends?

I suspect the child is heartbroken, feeling rejected and her behaviour has become sugnificantly worse with the flood of hormones hitting her system at this age. It is a tricky age in the best of circsmtances.

You are angry. You are furious. She won’t always be 15. This will pass. Try to remember she is a broken child, rather than the enemy.

OP you sound done, exhausted and just over it. I can’t offer any advice, but would like to send a big hug and I hope it all works out for you one day.

teenage girls are hell.

While it's unpleasant for you OP I feel that the poor girl sounds very troubled and unhappy. She needs help not spite 😟

Is she getting any professional help? Psychological assessments? She sounds quite disturbed. Are you and DH getting your own mental health or professional support?
I know you have no sympathy for her but not living with her mum because of “issues” and her step mum hating her won’t be helping. I understand how you feel after an allegation like that but something has to change. Get her and yourselves help or leave.

I'm not a step parent so can't really pass judgement but I do know that when someone is hurtful it helps me manage my own emotional response to understand where the behaviour is coming from.

Does her mum also have a new partner? New children? Does DP work hard/long hours/shift work leaving you to parent alone at times? How old was she when her parents separated? It seems to be a bit of a pattern on here with step children where they live the majority of their time with one parent who then finds a new relationship- invests more time in that than their child who then moves over to the other parent to avoid further rejection but finds they are set up with a new family and there is no space for them there either. Then follows teenage meltdown.

@8842688l I feel terrible on him for clocking out but for my own mental health I simply cannot

It sounds like for your sake and for your little ones' sakes it's the right thing to do. What an awful position to be in, but ultimately your children come before him.

The young girl didn't get that way of her own accord.

OP of this thread sounds very spoiled.

I thought you initially said he was a great parent and her mother was the one letting it all go to hell?

It sounds as though both her parents have let her down. I'd be interested to know how their divorce was handled in terms of maintaining her stability, and the same for her new blended family. She didn't create this situation, it's all the result of what the adults decided to do.

I don't blame you for having had enough, if it's affecting your children then you need to protect them and ultimately she has two parents and you're not one of them so no, you don't have the same responsibility as to your kids. But I'll be really amazed if that oh-so-common "make decisions for the adults' benefit and blame the kids if they go wrong" trap hasn't been sprung in the slightest here. Already you say she's ruined a brilliant marriage but your marriage isn't her responsibility.