Page 17 | I hate my DSD

Glowingup · 14/10/2025 14:20

MissDoubleU · 14/10/2025 14:15

And if this poor child has some kind of diagnosable personality disorder (which is absolutely a possibility - if not a high likelihood) then it only makes OP sound worse. This is not only a mental health issue it is a recognised disability/neurodivergence. She has not chosen to be this way and is not evil nor a lunatic. They often stem from abandonment issues amongst other abuses. OP might be having an awful time but the focus needs to be on helping this literal child before she gets herself into much worse trouble. There are things that can and should be done here.

OP can say all she wants about what a perfect father her DH is to her precious cherubs but like it or not he has and continues to let down his eldest child.

Show quote history

Maybe it’s due to trauma but not all PDs are due to trauma. Also, interestingly, narcissism is a personality disorder but people are advised to keep their distance from narcs in their lives, not have sympathy with them for being “neurodivergent”. Personality disorders are also usually not curable so there’s not much that can be done.

BruFord · 14/10/2025 14:21

Whatsthatsheila · 14/10/2025 14:16

Surely if the DM believes everything she says she believes the neglect allegations and she would stop or restrict access?

doesn’t make sense unless she’s just believing what she wants to believe when it suits.

Honestly if DH feels the same as you, at this point I would just say “look you can’t stay /co-live here until your attitude resolves - we have younger children we have to consider”

she can still have access to dad (and siblings if appropriate) maybe during the day at weekends etc but in a more neutral environment outside the home and it means you can give it a miss.

Show quote history

Good point @Whatsthatsheila . Why did her DM allow her to stay in an apparently abusive household?

SomethingWycked · 14/10/2025 14:21

Moving out with the 2 younger children sounds like the least worst option here. There are no winners really in a situation like this. Wishing you good luck, keep accessing all the support you can & hopefully better days ahead.

MissDoubleU · 14/10/2025 14:23

Glowingup · 14/10/2025 14:20

Maybe it’s due to trauma but not all PDs are due to trauma. Also, interestingly, narcissism is a personality disorder but people are advised to keep their distance from narcs in their lives, not have sympathy with them for being “neurodivergent”. Personality disorders are also usually not curable so there’s not much that can be done.

Show quote history

She is a child in the care of her father and OP - it is quite literally their basic parental responsibility to get her proper help if there are big alarm bells going off re her mental health.

Also, children cannot be diagnosed with NPD. Hope this helps.

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:32

Calliopespa · 14/10/2025 13:46

So top tip - if you don't love the child don't marry their dad?

Exactly.

Show quote history

Yes, this 100%...
My response got deleted by MNHQ I think I might have been a little too blunt. But this post has got me, as mum and SM to a (nearly) 15 yo DSD who has at times put us through hell inc SS and police involvement etc but much fuelled by how bitter, angry and jealous her BM is/was the OP's feelings towards her SD are more concerning than anything the SD has done. I had allegations made about me as did my DH and as a family with 2 other DC it does hugely affect family life but I never and never would hate my DSD she was a very mixed up and confused child at the time who was crying out for her mums love and attention and at that fleeting moment hurting us didn't matter if her mum made her feel loved even for the briefest of moments. It is truly heart breaking.

With consistency, love, security, patience and never giving up on her we have her home again now and she is the happiest she has ever been unfortunately this has resulted in her wating no contact with her BM but we leave the door open for her should she change her mind. Would OP be this resentful to her own DC? I think the answer to that is pretty obviously no so why should her SD be any different?

When I met my DH I knew all about his DD and they came as a package. I chose to love him and set up home with him and my DSD was a huge part of that life we created together and our family is a 5 not 4 or 4 + 1 a 5 and she is involved in everything we do and always has been and I have 3 DC not 2 just because we're not biologically related doesn't mean I love her less than I do my own.

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:32

Skirtingtheissue76 · 14/10/2025 14:16

Agree with every word of this post! Very well said.

Show quote history

Has it ever occurred to anyone that is so EAGER to learn the ins and outs that I have anonymity to keep. I would be a moron to tell you what’s happened as anyone who remotely knows us will put 2 and 2 faster than you can imagine
I’ve decided to specifically talk about a situation that deeply impacted my children
having to be interviewed by authorities about mummy and daddy, again deluded to think that’s something any parent would enjoy their child going through.
I don’t lack empathy for someone who is truly awful to everyone they pass, sorry.

OP posts:

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:36

MissDoubleU · 14/10/2025 13:30

And OP wonders why this child is screaming out for help. Jfc.

Show quote history

Hi again

OP posts:

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:37

Aimtodobetter · 14/10/2025 14:11

You come across really badly here OP - defensive, lacking in empathy, lacking in the ability to see other points of view, hostile, overdramatising the social services referral (if the home environment is good then there was no real risk to your kids - she was just being a stupid teenager not thinking things through), etc. All this probably explains why people are assuming you might be a big part of the problem here. Add to that the fact that lots of kids grow up perfectly well in coparenting relationships where they have one stable parent and the other is unstable, and you and your DP have had full custody for the last couple of years, and that teenagers do tend to be a handful, and that's why people are reacting badly to the way you feel. Most decent people tend not to go around hating teenage girls even when they are a pain the butt - plus apart from the social services referral you've really failed to give many examples of her horrific behaviour - you've just talked on and on about how much you hate her.

I HATE MY DSD. said it again, still so much relief to get off my chest.

OP posts:

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Onlyonmumsne · 14/10/2025 14:40

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:37

I HATE MY DSD. said it again, still so much relief to get off my chest.

Show quote history

Well do something about it then, carrying on as you are and ranting about it on the internet isn’t going to change anything. Your choices are to spilt up or endure her behaviour til she moves out, simple as that.

Picklelily99 · 14/10/2025 14:40

8842688l · 13/10/2025 21:32

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

It's good to vent! Crack on, that's the beauty of this place - anonymity!

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 14:42

I think you’re deliberately looking to wind PPs up by repeating ad infinitum how much you hate your DSD, OP. You must have known how such a thread would go down on AIBU, and now you’re persisting with it.

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:43

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 14:42

I think you’re deliberately looking to wind PPs up by repeating ad infinitum how much you hate your DSD, OP. You must have known how such a thread would go down on AIBU, and now you’re persisting with it.

Yes correct I am, as unfortunately PP haven’t understood my lack of care being called unseasonable. Perfect way to make use of my anger/stress

OP posts:

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:44

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:37

I HATE MY DSD. said it again, still so much relief to get off my chest.

Show quote history

Then LEAVE!

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:44

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:44

Then LEAVE!

Show quote history

I assume you’ve not read the responses regarding leaving…

OP posts:

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:44

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:43

Yes correct I am, as unfortunately PP haven’t understood my lack of care being called unseasonable. Perfect way to make use of my anger/stress

Show quote history

I think you need help, this is not normal behaviour

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:45

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:44

I think you need help, this is not normal behaviour

Show quote history

Ha, right this isn’t normal behaviour but my DSD is. Get a grip and enjoy your day

OP posts:

MissDoubleU · 14/10/2025 14:46

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:37

I HATE MY DSD. said it again, still so much relief to get off my chest.

Show quote history

And by choosing to remain, filled with hate, in her life you are actively harming her. Said it again.

You are the adult. You can leave. This child has no choice but to stay there feeling your palpable and deeply personal disdain for her being.

Be an adult and do something because screaming about how much you hate her does not refute the abuse claims. It steps to proving them.

Onlyonmumsne · 14/10/2025 14:46

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:44

I assume you’ve not read the responses regarding leaving…

Show quote history

No I haven’t either because I haven’t got all day. But yes it’s that simple, if it’s that bad GO. You have one life.

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 14:47

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:45

Ha, right this isn’t normal behaviour but my DSD is. Get a grip and enjoy your day

Show quote history

It really, really isn’t normal behaviour, it’s very disturbing.

MissDoubleU · 14/10/2025 14:47

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:45

Ha, right this isn’t normal behaviour but my DSD is. Get a grip and enjoy your day

Show quote history

DSD is a child. You are an adult and a mother in your own right. Do better OP. This is fucking sad to watch.

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:47

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:44

I assume you’ve not read the responses regarding leaving…

Show quote history

I assume you haven't read or taken anything PP's have said either.

You are truly awful I actually worry for your DC.

Original poster

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:49

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:47

I assume you haven't read or taken anything PP's have said either.

You are truly awful I actually worry for your DC.

Show quote history

Oh honestly give it a rest. Theres a 50/50 split on AIBU and AINBU. Just because there’s a high percentage of women who will scream murder because I’ve got something off my chest, doesn’t mean the whole world agrees with you.

OP posts:

samplesalequeen · 14/10/2025 14:50

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:49

Oh honestly give it a rest. Theres a 50/50 split on AIBU and AINBU. Just because there’s a high percentage of women who will scream murder because I’ve got something off my chest, doesn’t mean the whole world agrees with you.

Show quote history

looking after a teen shouldn’t be an endurance test. I know they can be challenging but there is a limit to what you can deal with.

vent away here. I’m listening.

Boymummy2015 · 14/10/2025 14:51

8842688l · 14/10/2025 14:49

Oh honestly give it a rest. Theres a 50/50 split on AIBU and AINBU. Just because there’s a high percentage of women who will scream murder because I’ve got something off my chest, doesn’t mean the whole world agrees with you.

Show quote history

Nothing wrong with getting something off your chest but the rest of what you have said and how you continue to repeat yourself is truly awful.
Would you feel this way towards your own DC? Only you seem to have rose tinted glasses on here in that it is only your SD who is so terrible...... what if your own DC do this or worse? Would you hate them too?