I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

8842688l · Today 03:17

My DP is a wonderful man, really nice and kind. Does he always get things right, no he’s doing life for the first time too. But he definitely has not done a hell of a lot to get her back in check, unfortunately with such challenging behaviour you need BOTH parents to be on board.

She also said the above...contradicting herself.

If he isn't pulling her into check then she has a DP/DH cos in some posts he is her husband in others not...

This poor kid is the result of the feckless adults inbher life. Her dad, her mum and @8842688l

All of them have allowed her behaviour to continue. They are all responsible.

The only one not to blame is the CHILD who is reacting to the blatant bs she is being subjected to by the ADULTS in her life.

Kids dont act out just because, there is always a reason. It may be complex and unclear. But there is always a reason.

My dsc have been a nightmare at times. As tweens and teens they have been aggressive, unruly, caused no end of stress, have caused us investigatios with SS over disclosures amde to schools. But all of it was a reaction to the situation the adults in their lives had crested. A mum who had and affair on the school playground. Looks and points from peers who all knew because it was huge gossip in a very small village. A dad who was fucking useless at defending them from the utter twatery of their mum and her bf's rules (like not being allowed to shower more than once a week for a teen girl on her period), refusing to treat nits so they got so bad you could see them crawling across their faces from 10ft away. The pharmacist on boots was disgusted. My hv reported mum to social services for neglect as a result.

I fought so bloody hard to protect those kids. And I took the blame every single time from their mum and her bf. When the issue was the parents.

Even after I saw theough their dads bs and took my dd and left, I still got the blame and the abuse and instill faught for those kids. The kids hated me at points but they also knew who was always the one there even after I left. To look after them if they were sick. To talk to about sex, to rescue them from drunken stupidity at silly o'clock on a morning, because I parented them even when I probably shouldn't have. And they have grown to understand.

They are young adults now. 22 and 20 and they are amazing.

So yes. I absolutely know what I am talking about, and this OP is part of the bloody problem. Not just for her own dsd but for all step mlparents who take a battering on mumsnet. Because people like her go the rest of us a bad name.

Who cares what others have been through? OP is dealing with her own bad situation, she has enough on her plate without worrying about strangers on the internet.

I think you're right, that may very well be the case, but what I said is still true.

Lie or no lie it needed investigating. Too many children have died and suffered abuse at the hands of those meant to be caring for them be it parent or step parent or family member.
Children act out for a reason and sounds like she knows you hate her and shes very unhappy Does she live with you full time?
You need to be the adult and walk away from this relationship, she as the child has no choice in where shes forced to live.i doubt she would choose to be in that environment with you

It would be a brilliant post if it wasn’t all theoretical BS.
You have no idea the lengths we have gone to to try and support DSD, you are making up your own narrative based on around 40% of the full picture on anonymous post. We can all have the first paragraph from a story and write the rest of the book, but doesn’t meant the books are going to be as the original.

Putting my children and their wellbeing at risk is not going to provoke a “wow you seem upset, is everything okay” response from me. I am their mother my job is to protect them, I’m never going to excuse such shocking behaviour as started CLEARLY.

I think you are delusional as a parent looking at a situation you’ve probably never come close to experiencing and saying aw I’d give the girl a big hug and tell her everything is going to be okay. Do we not teach children that their actions cause consequences. Absolutely delusional

It’s quite mind blowing that 3 children in the house are expected to face consequences differently, what does that teach the younger children?!

If you think your children's wellbeing is at risk, why don't you end the relationship?

Way to miss the point of malicious reports. They waste valuable social services time

OP has already said she's considering it, give her a break.

What has DSD actually done OP?

Maybe the adults who fucked them up were similarly fucked up by their own parents and shouldn’t be blamed for that either 🤷‍♀️

Maybe next time someone writes about their abusive shit of a DP or their violent neighbour we should feel sympathy for the abusers because it’s not their fault they got fucked up after all.

Basically unless you’ve been tortured and physically/mentally abused from birth you know right from wrong at 15. And very very few teens do behave like the OP’s DSD. If it was super common to make false allegations to try to ruin someone’s life then loads of kids would do it.

Then perhaps she shouldn't post on an Internet forum that exactly asks for people's opinions.

Giving opinions is one thing, telling OP others have been through worse is another. Who cares?! She is going through hell herself.

But OP you haven't really said what she's actually done, other than (not saying its not serious) the call to social services. It might well be that she's done lots of other awful things but people can't know that without you telling them.

I'm not saying you have any obligation to tell people anything, btw.

But you haven't? You haven't taken your children away from all this have you? Why aren't you prioritising them? Your OH can't abandon his child because you've had enough of her, she's only 15.

This is a huge cry for help by her OP. Her mother is not a great parent by the sounds of it. She's lived with both parents then been moved away by her mother or her mother has moved away and dumped her on her dad and so she's now living with her father and his new shiny family. She's no one's priority and that is the attention she is desperately craving. She's gone about it badly because she doesn't know what else to do. I understand that you don't have to put with this but her dad does. No one behaves like this because they're happy and coping well, she's desperately unhappy and her father needs to step up and help her through this. 15 is an incredibly difficult age.

Why do so many people expect an adolescent to display more maturity, emotional resilience and selflessness than they do themselves? If their partner displayed awful behaviour they'd be looking for the reasons; a kid who can't even legally buy vapes or play the lottery, whose life has been thrown about by the adults, and the only explanation is that they're just innately evil.

Please find the part where I asked for opinions, you are giving them freely.

I came to get it off my chest, and it feels great doing so.

I'm with you op.

I absolutely hate my dps child. He is just an awful, selfish, nasty, manipulative, abusive little cunt.

I have decided not to live with dp because of his child, because he would never be welcome in my house.

I know it's easier said than done, but I would leave, it doesn't mean the end of the relationship, just means you're not living together for a while, this will probably do your dc a favour too, it sounds like a hellish way to live.

You posted on AIBU....

One brilliant thing that has come from this post is the thought of me and children moving to our own place but continuing relationship with DP. As I say I think he’s a wonderful parent and my children are lucky to have him, he’s kind and patient, he’s caring and really would go to the end of the earth for them. Win win, I can escape this hellhole while he sorts it out and my children get to see healthy ways of managing conflict from parents without having to see us break up.

This

So where's her father in all this?

Yeah if you read through the thread, I actually just said I couldn’t care less about whether people think IABU or not. I just came to let off some steam

Was she at all like this before you moved in together?

I've just remembered that the old lady I mentioned upthread thought her son probably took after his father. It sounds as though perhaps your DSD takes after her mum!

Hope you can find the space for a calmer life soon, OP. Good luck!