I hate my DSD

[8842688l]

There I said it. Got it off my chest

shes a horrible, manipulative, spiteful girl who treats everybody like shit.

nothing more to say just needed to get it off my chest.

I hope you feel better.
You need to be able to vent, especially when she could potential ruin your life.
I wouldn't like to live with her either. 💐

You sound incredibly immature.

I would step back for now. The 15 year old isn't your husband's am I right. Be careful in case he's treating her differently and she's upset/depressed over it and lashing out. You need to regroup yourself, one of you take the stress of daughter for a day or two (so she's in a better position to talk) and get to the bottom of this. Lots of listening. If she's consistently like this consider if she has someone in her ear backing her up on this too

Funnily enough I was reading about teenage brains only yesterday and the science demonstrates that only a tiny percentage of children are born “evil” to use everyday language, only a tiny percentage display psychopathic behaviour from birth despite growing up in a loving home.

The overwhelming majority of children are born normal and poor parenting fucks that up. So the theory everyone keeps spouting on here that op’s dsd was innately bad from birth is unlikely be true. It’s just much easier to blame a child for the dysfunction adults impose on them rather than acknowledge this fact.

She is already in a cycle of causing psychological harm to her.

This was an obviously traumatised 12 yr old, who has been massively let down by all those who ought to have her emotional needs at heart. None of them have stepped up, and OP blames this child for her own trauma.

Nobody is denying it isn’t very difficult, but OP (and more particularly her husband) are not going to come out of this smelling of roses.
Did they massively underestimate the level of damage the daughter has already been subjected to? Yes
Have they taken her seriously? No
Have they even tried to inspect what the daughter means by “I’m being neglected” - not going by these posts.

OP, the anger and distress this child is experiencing is absolutely normal for someone who has had to be removed from her mother. If she could articulate her emotions in a manner that was acceptable to you, what do you think she would say?

You have allocated yourself permission to show an ugly and compassionless side of your character with the expectation that the circumstances explain your feelings. Might it be possible that some of her ugly/ compassionless actions also warrant similar consideration?
When you think about the circumstances that led to her living with you being necessary, is it possible that she feels anger at her mother which she cannot express because she doesn’t want her to be besmirched in front of you.
Is it possible that she feels jealousy towards your children because they have the stable life she perhaps craved, and now she has to watch others get it up close whilst not being permitted to complain.
Is it possible that her normal teenage woes and hormones are viewed through the lens of her being a psychotic little cunt, rather than meriting “Wow, you seem angry- is everything OK?”
It isn’t clear but has anyone ever just listened to her, without commenting or trying to fix it, or making her feel like a burden.

Save yourself and your children OP, you can't change this.

This child as much compassion as you think you yourself deserve.

It could be worth talking to her school too about a counselling group for her age. I know my kids school has one for kids dealing with various issues (divorce/bereavement etc). She may need her feelings listened to and talked through

You haven’t said anything that makes me think that this child is any different to any other teenager, reacting to a situation that isn’t working for her.
Look at it from her point of view. Her parents split up. I don’t think you said when or why. But most children will wonder whether it was “their” fault. After all, her dad is now happy with another woman, and obviously very happy with his “new” children, so “what was wrong with her (daughter) that meant he couldn’t be happy with her”. He left her with a mother, who according to you was negligent, for years. Now, she’s living with a father who doesn’t know how to cope with her, a step mother who hates her, and two siblings who are the apple of stepmothers eye (for now anyway, until she realises that her own two will also probably rebel at some stage). You need to stop thinking about “you” for a minute, and work with your step daughter, on what SHE needs from you. Social services could have given you some pointers, if you’d asked them, as another poster said, but you were rude to them. She sounds as if she desperately needs help, and frankly to feel as if she “matters”, and not just an afterthought and a hindrance to everyone. Her mother obviously didn’t want her, her step mother doesn’t want her, to make her father choose between her and his other two children would be an awful thing to do, to all of them.

How long should someone put up with an adolescent who knows right from wrong destroying their family life?

your psycho babble post suggests the OP should just continue to endure lies and turmoil.

Brilliant post 👏👏👏👏👏👏

That's not what psychotic means.

Sorry just realised she's her stepmother 🫣

You keep saying your DH is a good parent. So what help has he accessed? Has he asked for advice from a parenting coach? Family counsellor? Social services?

If he hasn't actually asked for help, then he's not a good parent. He's putting his own ego or paying for his netflix subscription or whatever over reaching out for real help for his dd.

Exhausting all round

This. Leave this man and you would never have to see that vile child again. I would never be with a man with kids. No man is worth putting up with someone else’s child for.

Very well said

She may not be the first to deal with extremely challenging circumstances but like those who do she is ranting. Nobody should be constantly be expected to endure high amount of stress without showing that they are humans too just because they are adults. Nobody likes a person giving them stress non stop. It’s human nature. She is ranting on an anonymous forum.

My teenager is very kind and gentle. I thank my lucky stars that she isn't like me as a teenager. I was horrible, so angry, distressed, wild, uncaring, eat disorder, didn't care about anyone, other times I felt sad, normal, scared.

I'm grateful that I rebuilt my relationship with DM throughout my 20's to 40's, I was a teenager only a parent could love.

Once my pmdd was under control life changed, my mh can be iffy but with medication, exercise and the right food, brand new.

This DC needs help. It's not your job but her health needs to be fully investigated.

I also had a dark secret that I was hiding.

A tiny fraction of children are born 'bad' (i.e. psychopaths) but the others are fucked up by circumstances.

This girl has had her parents split and then apparently her mum was so bad at taking care of her that she had to be taken away and instead live with dad at 12 years old (and why didn't he have her earlier if he knew what the mum was like?). That is a level of unstable family life that, thankfully, most people don't experience.

You don't think being neglected by her mum and unwanted by her dad has anything to do with her current behaviour?

So, you hate your SD. What are you going to do about it?

If she is as bad as you say she is, why are you making your children live in the same home as her? You need to move out, your children's welfare is your main priority, above your partner's mental health.

If you choose to stay in the house, you need to seek outside support, even if that means more intervention from social services. Yours is a family that is broken and for the sake of all of the children you need help to fix it. I think your SD was right to ask for help, neglect takes many forms including emotionally. It's a shame SS closed the case.

@8842688l Only you know what's been going on and I think you will get some pp here who have bad experiences of sp and therefore will project that to this thread.

She does sound like a sociopath. She might not be. Maybe she is just hurting and acting out. But some people do actually lack empathy towards others and take pleasure in causing harm/distress. So I'm not judging you. Is there any way she can move to her mum's? I mean since she believe everything her daughter says she ought to take her in with open arms?

You are all suffering because of her: you, your dh and I imagine your children as well. I would be very worried about having my children around a messed up teenager. Would she hurt them?

you say one very telling detail you say "no more pretending"
I think if you had been genuine, from the start then this may not have escalated so badly
The kid is 15 and she is clearly not an idiot, if she doesn't believe your "kindness" is sincere, she is not going to respond well to it

Get some family therapy, that should sort some issues out

How do you mean unwanted by her dad? The fact that her dad remarried doesn’t make her unwanted and we have to get out of the narrative that parents owe it to their children to remain single forever. Your parents splitting up and you gaining half siblings is really not trauma or the worst thing that can happen to someone. Theres kids who survive wars and watch their family members be killed in front of them (ie real trauma) and they don’t turn out like this. Your dad having a new relationship with someone who made an effort and was kind to you really doesn’t come close.

I interpreted this as the OP has tried to love her DESPITE her bad behaviour and vile actions. And now it's just getting to a point where she can't take it no more.