Page 7 | AIBU? Partner’s mum bought his ex a gift

ParmaVioletTea · 15/10/2025 05:48

You can’t and shouldn’t control your partner’s mother. That is unreasonable. They had a relationship long before you were around. Your partner’s ex is the mother of your MiL’s grandchild.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 15/10/2025 06:32

Newname09 · 13/10/2025 13:44

I don’t know if I’m getting worked up for no reason so would appreciate some advice.

Been with my partner a year. Him and his ex split on not very good terms. They have a young child together who his mum often collects from the ex and brings to my partner.

anyway she’s come back from holiday, bought me a souvenir tea towel and also bought his ex a gift -- mug with biscuits.

it annoyed me tbh. I understand amicability and that’s fine, but buying the ex who caused so many problems and dragged your son through court lying and racking up debt in his name is weird in my opinion. If it was for the child, why not buy something like sweets or a toy?

thoughts?

And? None of your business the relationship they have.

MeEspresso · 15/10/2025 08:44

You've not been on the scene for barely 2 minutes and you shouldn't even be involved with this child yet, let alone living with the dad.

red flags all around.

Your 'MIL' isn't even your MIL. He is your boyfriend's mum. She's done a nice thing. YABU

lilkitten · 15/10/2025 10:55

I think ending a relationship doesn't mean ending all the relationships around it. I kept in touch with ex's Mum for a long time after we split, sending each other cards. If kids are involved then I would think there's even more reason to keep a good relationship.

Francine84 · 15/10/2025 11:18

You’ve been together for 5 minutes. His ex is the mother of her grandchild and I assume they were together a lot longer than you’ve been with him. She’s being nice and trying to maintain a good relationship with her.

Respectfully, it’s none of your business.

ThatBlackCat · 15/10/2025 13:38

There must be something nice about her for his mum to buy her a gift. You only have his word that she lied in court. Knowing how men are and how they always, always make the ex out to be 'crazy', each and every single ex is 'crazy' according to men, I believe the women. Unless given a reason not to. Have you ever considered that he is the one lying to you, not her lying in court?

roastedrapidly · 15/10/2025 13:56

She's the mother of her grandchild, why wouldn't she. Your parter's mum sounds lovely.

FinallyHere · 15/10/2025 14:30

Newname09 · 13/10/2025 14:12

Thanks everyone. Some of you are very cutting with how you put things across though.

And this is your first response to a unanimous YABU thread

ok then.

Mustbethat · 15/10/2025 18:08

OnTheBoardwalk · 14/10/2025 22:12

YABU OP

my brother was an absolute dick to his ex and their child. Despite this the ex has been absolutely wonderful giving me and my mum access to nephew even when he moved abroad for years and paid them nothing

he’s now back in country and had several girlfriends. If anyone one of them has been tried to stop contact I’d be fuming

This is the wrong way round though.

if your brothers ex was the absolute dick, had loads of boyfriends, and treated your brother like shit, you’d still think she was wonderful and happily maintain a friendly relationship?

sorry but if anyone treats my kids like shit, male or female, kids or no, they are no longer my friend.

OnTheBoardwalk · 15/10/2025 22:01

Yes @Mustbethat for the sake of my relationship with my niece/nephew I wouldn’t want to lose that.

if their mother was as bad as you point out , and many are, I’d double down to work with her to keep the relationship with the kid

Evaka · 15/10/2025 22:04

You're being very unpleasant. It's a blosry mug.

My sister is divorced and her ex mother in law has included her in her will. They still have a lovely relationship.

MaeTeekay14 · 15/10/2025 22:09

It's literally none of your business. That relationship is completely separate from you.

Timeforabitofpeace · 15/10/2025 22:09

It is not your business OP. She can be friendly with anyone she wants. Control yourself instead of others.

Mustbethat · 15/10/2025 22:10

OnTheBoardwalk · 15/10/2025 22:01

Yes @Mustbethat for the sake of my relationship with my niece/nephew I wouldn’t want to lose that.

if their mother was as bad as you point out , and many are, I’d double down to work with her to keep the relationship with the kid

You keep the relationship through your child though. Why would you lose the relationship with a niece/nephew grandchild?

you see children when their dad sees them. You arrange things through him. They’re his children. If you’re supporting him it’s likely you’ll be facilitating depending on whether he has somewhere to live, needs childcare etc.

no need to be going behind his back and behaving like the ex who treated him like shit is your new best mate.

dh’s family effectively picked his ex over him. She cheated on him, stole a fuckton of money, left him homeless with nothing, and still they insisted on seeing her and providing free childcare, paying for things etc. they should have been providing him with free childcare and helping him get back on his feet so he could see his children more, have them overnight somewhere suitable. Eventually they helped ruin his relationship with his kids because the ex would leave the kids with them and they’d be told their dad “couldn’t” or “wouldn’t” see them. He didn’t know and wasn’t asked.

nope. I’d pick my child every time and help them with the kids. Not the ex.

CommonAsMucklowe · 16/10/2025 07:08

I'll say it again, never get involved with a man with child/ren and a messy past. You will never have much money due to CS and many many other ways this will impact on your life. I speak from experience. Quit now and find some lovely guy without the baggage.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/10/2025 11:16

They will always have a tie she is the mum of the Grandchild

It must be hard as a parent to get on well with the in law and then they break up

When a child is involved, it is so much easier for everyone to be civil. Yes, it doesn’t always work out like that Butt for the child to try your damn hardest to be nice.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 16/10/2025 19:09

Mustbethat · 15/10/2025 22:10

You keep the relationship through your child though. Why would you lose the relationship with a niece/nephew grandchild?

you see children when their dad sees them. You arrange things through him. They’re his children. If you’re supporting him it’s likely you’ll be facilitating depending on whether he has somewhere to live, needs childcare etc.

no need to be going behind his back and behaving like the ex who treated him like shit is your new best mate.

dh’s family effectively picked his ex over him. She cheated on him, stole a fuckton of money, left him homeless with nothing, and still they insisted on seeing her and providing free childcare, paying for things etc. they should have been providing him with free childcare and helping him get back on his feet so he could see his children more, have them overnight somewhere suitable. Eventually they helped ruin his relationship with his kids because the ex would leave the kids with them and they’d be told their dad “couldn’t” or “wouldn’t” see them. He didn’t know and wasn’t asked.

nope. I’d pick my child every time and help them with the kids. Not the ex.

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What are you talking about????

swimsong · 17/10/2025 13:22

You are being very unreasonable.
It's not like she bought her a car.

Glasgowmama88 · 20/11/2025 21:52

Don’t buy the cards, don’t write the cards, don’t even remind the hubby - leave this all down to him