AIBU? Partner’s mum bought his ex a gift

[Newname09]

I don’t know if I’m getting worked up for no reason so would appreciate some advice.

Been with my partner a year. Him and his ex split on not very good terms. They have a young child together who his mum often collects from the ex and brings to my partner.

anyway she’s come back from holiday, bought me a souvenir tea towel and also bought his ex a gift -- mug with biscuits.

it annoyed me tbh. I understand amicability and that’s fine, but buying the ex who caused so many problems and dragged your son through court lying and racking up debt in his name is weird in my opinion. If it was for the child, why not buy something like sweets or a toy?

thoughts?

12 months and you've already moved in together... How long ago did they split up if the child is really young? My children are teenagers now but if my mum went on holiday and picked something up for my ex-husband, no one would think anything of it. I am glad my parents and ex husband consider each other. Without this lady, your partner would t have a child and others are right, it's a considerate thing to do for someone whose going to be in their life for a long, long time. You only get his side of the family's experience,not hers. I doubt your boyfriend was entirely innocent and got it right all the time.

don’t care for your opinion thanks. And who mentioned a daughter.

Think you missed the comment I was replying to!!!

I see red flags here OP, but they are not about your DP, his Mum or his ex.

Can’t imagine a world in which I cared who my MIL bought a mug and biscuits for. I’d probably be more annoyed at having to house a souvenir tea towel!

Thoughts are it's none of your business. And you'll be happier not trying to control her relationships
Maybe she wants to show appreciation to the mother of her gc. Seriously, you shouldn't have mentioned this.

This is fine. That’s her grandchild and her grandchild’s mum, regardless of whether your DP split from her. Yabu sorry.

Yabu. It’s none of your business either

It’s annoying but not wrong.She has a grandchild from this woman so keeping things amicable is the right thing to do.The child growing up will benefit from his grandmother in his life
on this occasion let it go but this is the territory you face when children are involved in previous relationships

well I’ll go against the grain slightly.

it’s not so much about your relationship, or even the ex’s relationship with the in laws.

what are your partners feelings?

my in laws were similar. Went above and beyond for ex.

she’d cheated on him, left him with nothing, and moved her OM into his house. And yes, I know this for a fact because the in laws admit it and the timescales fit. Plus I’ve seen the court docs.

dh couldn’t bear going to their house and finding his ex having a cup of tea, or hearing about the nice days out they’d had, or what a lovely guy the OM was, or the work they’ve had done on his house. His parents went behind is back and agreed to having the children without telling him, meaning he got to see his children less.

the ex encouraged them because she could then present herself as a good person and him as an awful ex, because why else would his parents take her side.

however I have never got involved. Yes I’m pissed off at the way dh has been treated but it’s his parents choice. I’m pissed off on Dh’s behalf that it’s affecting his relationship with his kids and he is seen as some sort of last resort babysitter and bank, and that he lost his house and the life he built and no one cares. I don’t have a relationship with his parents and that’s fine by me. I support dh.

Her relationship with the ex is none of your business

Yeah obviously it's weird, her loyalty should be to her son. Maybe she's sucking up to her so she doesn't cause a fuss about seeing the grandchild.

You are with her son , and if you like , he is the prize .
A mug ( with biscuits ) over a tea towel , is just that .
If it's any consolation , been married over 20 years , my mil has never bought me anything back from her holidays .

She's doing it for her grand child, don't be petty FGS.

It's hard enough being the MIL grandmother even when the couple are together. It must be terrifyingly fragile to be the grandparent to the child of an ex-DIL.

It's not 'sucking up' to do everything you can to preserve the relationship with the DIL and your grandchild.

Sucking up? Didn't we all leave words like that when we reached 13?

This is your insecurity speaking. She will always be in all their lives. Your ‘mil’ will always respect and want to have a decent relationship with the mother of her grandchild. She is wanted to keep bridges open etc.
if you can’t handle this then reconsider dating a man with children. If you put pressure of any of them to have worse relationships with each other then you will natively impact a child’s life.

Ps please don’t be so sure you have the full story from your boyfriend, that sounds like such a trope

She bought the mother of her grandchild a gift.

Your partner's ex will always be his child's mother. She will always be the mother of your potential future MIL's grandchild. She won't stop existing.

Yabu. She has a relationship with the mother of her grandchild. Totally normal to bring them something.

Asking irrelevant questions in the desperate hope that you will sound superior? I left that behind before I turned 13.

Hey OP, I just want to say I agree with you and I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

It seems odd to me that your MIL would gift her anything if she put her son through the courts etc. I most certainly wouldn’t behave like this is it was my DS ex. I can’t think of one person I’d know that would do it too.

It’s barmy to me that you’re being roasted on here for being petty and unreasonable, with the most worry and unreasonable comments! Seems like people get a bit to righteous on these threads. It smacks of say one thing and act in the contrary.

I’d be interested if the opinions were the same if a woman’s parents stayed on friendly terms with an ex because “he’s the father of their grandchildren”.

my sil’s ex has been cut off completely, and if anyone dares speak to him there’s an enormous row. But Dh’s ex he’s unreasonable for not wanting them all to stay friends. Both exes had affairs and married the AP, but are treated completely differently.

Unless it was a convicted rapist or something, my answer would be the same whoever my MIL bought a mug for. I can’t imagine ever getting worked up about my MIL buying someone a mug.

I’d say they bonded while they dated and while she was pregnant. Any animosity or ‘craziness’ you see is as a result of a family breaking up and all their lives changing. My friend goes on holiday with ex in laws. They were together for 15 years and have three kids together. Her dh didn’t go to most holidays as he was working (part of why they broke up) so to everyone everything is the same