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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Partner’s mum bought his ex a gift

169 replies

Newname09 · 13/10/2025 13:44

I don’t know if I’m getting worked up for no reason so would appreciate some advice.

Been with my partner a year. Him and his ex split on not very good terms. They have a young child together who his mum often collects from the ex and brings to my partner.

anyway she’s come back from holiday, bought me a souvenir tea towel and also bought his ex a gift -- mug with biscuits.

it annoyed me tbh. I understand amicability and that’s fine, but buying the ex who caused so many problems and dragged your son through court lying and racking up debt in his name is weird in my opinion. If it was for the child, why not buy something like sweets or a toy?

thoughts?

OP posts:
Mischance · 13/10/2025 16:58

I can understand you not being very happy about this. But let it go - it is not worth giving yourself grief over. If she wants to be involved with her GC she needs to keep her sweet. It's not about you.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 13/10/2025 16:59

You are heavily invested in his immediate post break up version of events.

His mum is not

He may not be any more

Do yourself a favour and let his past go. Learn to live with the reality of a man with a child by another woman

pinkspeakers · 13/10/2025 17:00

YABU It's a mug with biscuits, not a diamond necklace! For a woman who she sees regularly and will always in some ways be a member of her family, as the mother of grandchild. And you got a gift too, as a partner of just one year, which seems pretty unusual to me. She clearly just likes buying people small holiday gifts!

Didimum · 13/10/2025 17:02

Why do you think it's your business, OP?

MissDoubleU · 13/10/2025 17:34

Newname09 · 13/10/2025 16:36

Me and her son live together 🫠

Show quote history

After a year, with children involved? WOOF.

Prepare for the approaching MN massacre. It isn’t entirely unjustified

NoSoupForU · 13/10/2025 17:44

She's the mother of her grandchild and understandably is maintaining a good relationship.

It isn't any of your business anyway, and I'd be furious if I were her.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/10/2025 17:46

She’s. Clever, politic woman. Brava. Copy her in life and you won’t go far wrong. A mug with some biscuits to buy relationship to see her GC. A very small price.

RitaConnors · 13/10/2025 17:48

Newname09 · 13/10/2025 16:36

Me and her son live together 🫠

Show quote history

So what? I genuinely do not see why that’s got anything to with who a woman does or doesn’t buy presents for.

She doesn’t have to buy a present for someone just because her son lives with that person.

And she doesn’t have to justify to anyone who she buys presents for. The whole thing is nuts.

If you were in a relationship with the mother in law I could see your point but you aren’t.

caringcarer · 13/10/2025 17:53

Cadenza12 · 13/10/2025 13:51

Totally normal. Your partner and ex share a child so will be a part of each others lives for ever. His mum wants a good relationship with the mother of her grandchild, nothing wrong with that.

I would think very highly of this lady who has the grace to be thoughtful to the mother of her DGC.

INX · 13/10/2025 17:54

I understand amicability

You clearly don't.

She is the mother of her grandchild and they will always have a relationship, so you need to get used to it.

It's not a competition.

Hundslappadrifa · 13/10/2025 18:12

YABU. It’s got nothing to do with you and you’ve only been with him a year, FFS

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2025 18:31

The cynic in me is wondering why on earth he’s been so quick to move in with you. In descending order of likelihood…

  1. it’s your house
  2. you’re lined up for childcare
…. 999999 . He has fallen madly and deeply in love with you, you’re his soul mate and he couldn’t wait a second longer to move you in to his house

I’m sorry op, but anyone with experience can tell you that this has red flags all over it.

you obviously won’t want to believe us, which is absolutely understandable, but what I would do is to watch out for (even more) signs that you’re a nanny with a fanny.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2025 18:32

Oh goodness 09? Please no….

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 18:33

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2025 18:31

The cynic in me is wondering why on earth he’s been so quick to move in with you. In descending order of likelihood…

  1. it’s your house
  2. you’re lined up for childcare
…. 999999 . He has fallen madly and deeply in love with you, you’re his soul mate and he couldn’t wait a second longer to move you in to his house

I’m sorry op, but anyone with experience can tell you that this has red flags all over it.

you obviously won’t want to believe us, which is absolutely understandable, but what I would do is to watch out for (even more) signs that you’re a nanny with a fanny.

That’s a vile way to refer to any woman.

Mulledjuice · 13/10/2025 18:34

Newname09 · 13/10/2025 14:12

Thanks everyone. Some of you are very cutting with how you put things across though.

You weren't mincing words in your OP.

Learn from women on here who've been where you are - you can turn everything into a competition but if you do it won't ever feel like winning. Life isn't a zero sum game.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2025 18:47

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 18:33

That’s a vile way to refer to any woman.

Show quote history

Indeed. And even more vile to be used as one. I’m just saying the op needs to take care.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 19:03

arethereanyleftatall · 13/10/2025 18:47

Indeed. And even more vile to be used as one. I’m just saying the op needs to take care.

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If you agree then don’t refer to another woman that way - it’s you being vile. And she didn’t even say he moved in with her, she said they live together, she may have moved in with him.

Cherry8809 · 13/10/2025 19:23

She’s entitled to maintain whatever relationship with the ex as she sees fit. You don’t get to dictate that, and in the kindest way possible, it’s really it’s none of your business.

My ex MIL from my first marriage (married 11 years, divorced for 5) still calls & messages from time to time, despite my ex husband being remarried and there being no shared children between us.

The relationship I have with her is entirely independent of her son, and there is no “competition”.

WhereIsMyLight · 13/10/2025 19:51

My parents divorced when I was a baby and my dad’s mum would buy little gifts for my mum. Nothing massive and my grandma wasn’t always the best gift giver, so my mum (like everyone else) got some weird and useless shit as a gift. However, I always felt like an add-on at my dad’s, an inconvenience. Something he’d rather forget about. My grandma didn’t make me feel like that. My mum and I were as included as my step-mum and half siblings were. It made a massive difference to me.

Gowlett · 13/10/2025 19:55

Sounds like something my auntie would do.
She looks after her grandson, and is still
a shoulder to cry on her son’s ex-wife.
She went through a shocking divorce herself.

EG94 · 13/10/2025 19:55

Na I’m with you, it’s frustrating as fuck. That’s the old life, this is the new life. My exs mum did this to me and asked me to pass the gifts to her.

I politely told her that whilst you like her, I don’t. I’d appreciate if she kept her relationship with her separate and doesn’t involve me and I certainly wouldn’t be passing on the gift. I reminded her we have totally different experiences of the same woman. Keep the present separate from the past please as frankly you asking me to pass on her gifts when we don’t get on is disrespectful to me.

itbemay1 · 13/10/2025 19:58

My MIL used to do this for my step sons mum, used to annoy me I understood it was for him to see not really about the mum.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 20:02

EG94 · 13/10/2025 19:55

Na I’m with you, it’s frustrating as fuck. That’s the old life, this is the new life. My exs mum did this to me and asked me to pass the gifts to her.

I politely told her that whilst you like her, I don’t. I’d appreciate if she kept her relationship with her separate and doesn’t involve me and I certainly wouldn’t be passing on the gift. I reminded her we have totally different experiences of the same woman. Keep the present separate from the past please as frankly you asking me to pass on her gifts when we don’t get on is disrespectful to me.

No it isn’t old life, their child is small it’s still very much current life.

EG94 · 13/10/2025 20:08

ToKittyornottoKitty · 13/10/2025 20:02

No it isn’t old life, their child is small it’s still very much current life.

Show quote history

The kid yes. The ex no. And there was a language barrier so they couldn’t even communicate and didn’t until I came along 🤣🤣

MyAcornWood · 13/10/2025 21:25

You’d be shooting yourself in the foot to say a single thing about this. Your possible-future MIL is, I’m sure, well aware that it is in her best interests to stay on good terms with the mother of her grandchild. Plus she may well have had a good relationship with the ex, separate from the issues she had with your now-partner. You weren’t there and don’t know the ins and outs of the relationship your boyfriend had with his ex, and it’s best to stay out of it!