AIBU? Partner’s mum bought his ex a gift

[Newname09]

I don’t know if I’m getting worked up for no reason so would appreciate some advice.

Been with my partner a year. Him and his ex split on not very good terms. They have a young child together who his mum often collects from the ex and brings to my partner.

anyway she’s come back from holiday, bought me a souvenir tea towel and also bought his ex a gift -- mug with biscuits.

it annoyed me tbh. I understand amicability and that’s fine, but buying the ex who caused so many problems and dragged your son through court lying and racking up debt in his name is weird in my opinion. If it was for the child, why not buy something like sweets or a toy?

thoughts?

Talk about double standards! That’s really difficult for you.

I honestly can’t get behind stuff like this. There’s no logic to it, yet somehow you’re expected to go along with it just to keep the peace. It’s not just a mug, it’s the principle of the whole thing.

in this case the mil is to giftibg someone who’s caused issues, shown little regard for their own child, and even less for their child’s current partner.

Why should that kind of behaviour be rewarded or glossed over? It sends the wrong message entirely. Some people expect you to bite your tongue and go along with it, but that just reinforces the idea that those who behave poorly still get treated the same as those who actually show care and respect.

No thanks. Some things deserve to be called out, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

My ex's mum always sent me birthday and Christmas cards with a small gift and also had a photo of me with my newborn for years after we split up😂. Bet that would've gone down well with any new girlfriends.

What about your own mother?

if she bought a present for your ex who treated you like shit you would be ok with that?

I mean, I’d probably say ‘why have you bought dick head a mug?’ in that scenario.
Irrelevant though, as it’s not OP’s mum and it’s not OP’s ex. It’s her boyfriend’s mum who has bought a present for the mother of her grandchild, who she still has a relationship with for the sake of that grandchild.

She probably wants to keep her on side and not risk her relationship with her grandkid.

YABVVVU. My DH's brother was with a woman - Ann - for 5 years (some 25 years ago,) and they lived together for 3 years. He dumped her and took all his stuff and moved out of their rented flat - that was just about to come to the end of the tenancy. He was with another woman within a few weeks. Moved in with her! (He lived with their mum Lyn for the 5-6 weeks in between.)

Ann was really close to Lyn, (and I liked Ann too,) and after she had been dropped by DH's brother, she came to their mum's house once a week to see her and have a coffee (Sunday mornings for an hour.) Lyn had no daughters and she enjoyed mine and Ann's company. Sometimes, me, and Ann, and Lyn would sit together and chat for a bit, and have a pub lunch once in a while.

DH's brother was incensed. His new girlfriend was upset and insecure that his mum was still in regular contact with Ann. She wailed about it regularly. Lyn bought Ann Christmas gifs and birthday gifts too. Ann was like a daughter to Lyn, and she wasn't about to cut her out of her life because DH's brother and his new girlfriend said so! They finished after 9 months anyway.

When Ann got a new boyfriend, she saw Lyn (and the rest of us) less (like once a month) but we all stayed friends for some years until Lyn's death. Ann got married 2 years after DH's brother dumped her, and her new DH didn't mind her being friends with her ex's family. I am still in occasional contact with her now.

tl;dr @Newname09 YABVVU!

Why would t she buy the mother of her grandchild a gift?

Her son split up with her, she hasn’t!

Your jealously is awful.

Me and my ex mil still buy each other gifts. I always send her a hamper on her birthday. She’s my eldest childrens nan and I still see her as family. I get on with her better than my current mil to be honest.

YABU that's the mother of her grandchild.
I split with exH 8 years ago. His mum still buys me a gift for birthday and Xmas and flowers on mothers day. I had another baby last year to a new partner, and she has bought him Xmas and birthday gifts as well (the baby not partner). Ive always maintained a good relationship with her for my older kids.

there is a grandkid, it is fine.

Sounds like she was trying to be kind and fair. Try not to overthink it.

I think it’s wonderful that she shows her grandchild she still cares for their mum. You
on the other hand come across as a bunny boiler.

A. Its non of your business
B. Its good for her to have a good relationship with her grandchild's mum and small acts of kindness help with that
C. Its biscuits not diamonds
D. Did i mention its non of your business?

Many women later find out that their partner is not the best historian when it comes to their own ex's behaviour. My ex husband's, now ex partner thought all sorts of terrible things about me, that he'd told her. Me & her are now good friends, as are our children and we are all much better people than him. There could be reasons he doesn't want you to like her. His mum obviously does and let's face it, mum's are usually biased, towards their own kids. But.. yes, as others say she'll always be around, so get used to it. Sorry.

Also.... me & ex's ex and our mutual ex's mum, have all been for a drink together. She's nice too! (That was a bit of a mouthful 😅)

Yes, YABU

I think it’s fine because she is the mum of the child

Also. Most likely you only heard one side of the story re the breakup.

It’s a mug for the mother of her grandchild. It’s fine.

She is correct though, have some sense and don't believe this man who moved you in this fast

My ex’s mum buys me Xmas presents and birthday presents, as I do her .
she is still a granny to our daughter and it is nice she still sees me as family . It’s also nice for my daughter to see these interactions and unites us all.
No one is looking to affect any new /other relationships !

Why is it any of your business? Stop looking for trouble would be my advice.

Her relationship with the EX is none of your concern.....

YABU OP

my brother was an absolute dick to his ex and their child. Despite this the ex has been absolutely wonderful giving me and my mum access to nephew even when he moved abroad for years and paid them nothing

he’s now back in country and had several girlfriends. If anyone one of them has been tried to stop contact I’d be fuming

I think it’s good they have a positive relationship with her and probably helps smooth things over for access to their grandchildren as well. You’re being petty.