Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

Because there's some kind of power imbalance? get over it, he's not a doctor or a teacher - it would be just as awkward if another customer asked you for your number and you had to sit a table away from them while you both finished the rest of your meal.

Then people should stop bringing it up as a reason why OP shouldn't complain.

I used to work in a wine bar, I got asked out loads of times by the customers and was known to flirt with them too. Was that not allowed?

I waitressed for years and this wouldn't be considered appropriate. If he was genuinely interested he could have left his number with you. The fact that he asked for your number and then seemed to hang about with other members of staff waiting to see if you would leave it, would also have my spidey senses tingling. Either way, his job is to make you feel comfortable and he wasn't doing that. It was never considered OK to hit on customers like this. Yes, flirtations did develop between staff and regulars that led to dates but that normally built up over time and no one had a problem with it. But asking for diner's numbers at the end of their meal? Nope!

He didnt. He gave op the bill, and a pen/paper, demanded her number then sauntered off like Danny Zuko to chat to the rest of the Grease characters while they chatted about her and tallied up their conquests.

Op hadn't given him her card at that point.

I guess it possible he was going to look her up on the electrical roll and/or attempt telephone banking with her details tho. Might have been easier getting her name off the booking but it wouldnt be as Luther episode-ish granted.

He obviously made a mistake then, but I still wouldn't report him, people make mistakes all the time. He asked for her number, she declined. Sorry she felt uncomfortable, but that would be the end of it for me. There is a lot of speculation on this post that seems to have twisted it into something malicious.

Did you ask any of your customers for their number whilst you were working?

Exactly! Parallel universe of MUMSNET strikes again! 🙄

What made him presume you would be unattached anyway?

There's a number of reasons you might not be dining with your partner at that particular occasion.

I think it's out of order for him just to presume you were 'available'.

They should indeed!

Thank you for explaining that so much better than I've managed to! 🤦‍♀️

Totally think, with this additional info, je was playing a game with his colleagues to see how many numbers they could get.If he'd been genuine, I don't think he would jave shared it with colleagues.

This would have made me feel uncomfortable and I think that I would report it.

He took a chance? I've been asked out since I was married. I just say "no thanks, I'm married".
It's fine.

He made a choice. If that choice has some consequences because he was supposed to be working and not hitting on someone, that's not OP's fault.

Stoppit 😂

no. he left a pen and paper and walked off.

Op saw him talking to some other waiters while they got ready and left.

Are you suffering after effects, do you want to report him?
What would look like a good outcome for you?
I'm being serious.

Right. No hovering observed.

This! ^

I will never, ever understand women being “flattered” to get advances from complete stranger men.

Men. Men who would happily stick their penis in a gap in the curtain. It’s really not anything to be pleased about.

True. Maybe he was looking for a drugs mule.

It’s inappropriate because he was working and you were a customer. Some people’s bars are very low to be flattered by someone who doesn’t know how to act professionally when at work.

Years ago when I was at uni, I worked in a supermarket and one of the men there lost their jobs for asking customers out on a number of occasions. He was a creep.

You're so right. I can't fathom what the complaint would be - it's not as if they were her doctor! What a nice thing to happen - at least if he wasn't pushy.

Do you know Grace from Married at First Sight?..just wondering...
Oh god I didn't mention us being mates IRL 🙈 that would be a hard no.
Feel free to pass some of the cringe you felt for me onto yourself after that suggestion.
Have an amazing day, keep fighting the good fight, down with all waiters, all men Bla bla bla. 😘

What a creep. So he hangs around with his fellow colleagues to see if he's won the bet or not.

Funny how many times men do this kind of thing, in relation to women. He's also making a lot of presumptions. Just because you weren't with your partner (male or female) on that particular occasion, he thinks it's okay to act unprofessionally. If anyone did that at my work, they'd go down the disciplinary route for sure.