Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

No no no, don't go blaming yourself @Turducken That's what some men (and some women if this thread is anything to go by) want you to do. They want you to think unwanted attention from random men is the womans fault. You'll have someone asking if your cleavage was showing, and if you were wearing a short skirt next.

sorry if I’ve missed it, but how old is yr DD? What was her take on it? If she is old enough to gauge what went on

It's inappropriate. He was at work. It's not professional. Would it be okay if a police officer asked for your number, or your doctor and so on.

No hun, no idea who Grace is. Nor do I care.

You have an amazing day too petal 🥰

That's quite the leap.

so many massive amounts of extrapolation its mad.

a pen paper left on the table is not a summons, its an open ended easy out. You are leaving anyway, there is no further interaction required if not interested he didn't hover.

there is no proof he was plotting or making a bet with the other staf, he was talking to people while OP cleft which is fairly normal behaviour?

what is wrong with everyone? why is every interaction being treated as a hostile encounter or some secret plot to offend or embarrass. Rather than an genuine attempt to get to know someone he liked the look of.

If you don't like it complain, but all this jumping to these extreme conclusions is actually worrying. Most people are just normal trying the best and sometimes making connections with each other. Not rubbing their hands in the corner in glee to "humiliate?" someone by getting their number?

I didn’t really fancy them enough (but I did date a fellow worker). Had I fancied them then yes definitely I would have. This was a wine bar in the 1980s so it was chill on that front.

It is a bit inappropriate and not terribly professional. But I wouldn’t complain, because then I would worry about whether people thought I was overreacting.

Although people telling you to “be flattered” and what a “brave man” need to stop being so naive!

"What a creep. So he hangs around with his fellow colleagues to see if he's won the bet or not"

Careful you dont pull a muscle with all that stretching.

This. The state of some of the comments here - the 'unprofessional' waiter apparently 'demanded' the OP's personal information thus making her a 'victim'. FFS he just asked for her number at the end of their meal, was told no, and left it. That's how things used to be done. As an aside I'm glad I don't work with any people who are 'professional' in the way the term gets used on here - which seems to require being a bland automaton and leaving any personality, sense of humour, or trace that you're an actual living breathing human at the door of your workplace.

Good grief! The poor man only asked for her number. The OP didn’t mention that he’d whipped his todger out! Surely when you start a new relationship that person usually starts off as a stranger?

At that point though that's a situation the customer created.

If you ask the waitress for her number and she says no and you feel awkward and don't want to go back, that's on you.
The restaurant can't control the customers behaviour.

But if the staff member asks the customer their number and the customer refuses, and doesn't want to go back, that all caused by the staff behaviour. So there's a difference.

Where as I am cringing for you @CherrieTomaties You sound as much fun as the OP

Erm a little something called balance of power.

I don't think its worth a complaint unless he was pushy in some way. I once had a waiter in a hotel in the US start chatting to me and when he brought me the bill and I filled in my room details to charge it to (breakfast wasn't included) he then said he'd buy me my breakfast and ring me in my room later to 'show me around'. He was so pushy and I felt so awkward I just sort of agreed and then ran away (I was very young at the time and alone in a foreign country and panicked). Someone (I assume him) tried ringing my room numerous times that evening and I didn't answer and a few days later the breakfast got charged to my room.. I didn't go to the hotel restaurant again for the rest of my stay!

Now that one I should have complained about, as he didn't ask for my room number, he waited for me to write it on the check and then I was in an awkward situation where he knew what room I was in and I felt very uncomfortable and didn't want to annoy him!

I bet a lot of these posters responding nastily to the OP and others are really sleazy men!

He approached you at the end of your meal and didn’t pursue it when you declined.

I thought it was old fashioned to ask for somebody’s number in that way. How are people supposed to meet somebody in real life if they didn’t have the confidence to ask? Not everybody wants to date a colleague or has a fairytale childhood sweetheart story.

How did you meet your partner (obviously not this way) but what were the circumstances when he asked you out?

ah yes women who have different opinions must be men.

I didn't mention opinions. I said there was no need for nasty responses.

You haven't been hit on though @Turducken
You really need to put this non event out of your mind and get out and live a bit!

I’m not a man. But I would judge the scenario purely on how attractive I found him. Not attracted to him - how very dare he,
was attracted to him - flattered🫣

Yes report him. He's a total loser and creep.

Because I think it’s unprofessional for a man at work to ask a customer for their number …?

Yep. Confirmed. The bar is in hell. 🤣

I agree! How embarrassed would he be to get a disciplinary for this. I’d be well chuffed with being asked.