Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

No they're not. There's a million and one ways to approach someone romantically. Someone approached me in the Aldi last year.

Social events, groups, hobbies, dog walks, at the next table at lunch etc. etc.

But at work? Yes that's inappropriate. He's there to work not hit on the customers.

“insults” 🤣

He waited until the end of the meal and as long as he wasn’t awful, I don’t think there’s too much to complain about.

I suspect you may be getting a skewed picture of replies to be honest.

I assumed he was stood there waiting for you to give it, and you had to laugh it off to get away, which sounds unprofessional and inappropriate.

But If he just asked then put the pen and paper down on the off chance you may leave your number on it before you left, then I think you should just let it go, a tad unprofessional, but not worth reporting or being concerned about IMO.

Did you have a wedding ring on ?

That's good of you.

it absolutly impacts the quality of his work

A waiters job is more than "Take order, bring food, get money" They should also make customers feel wecome and comfortable. Asking someone for their number is something failry likley to make someone feel uncomfortable.

No.
Look, just because you have messed up views on how people should interact doesn't mean that the majority of people who think logically and rationally are acting childish.
I mentioned the dog interaction because with your bat shit crazy views on a man politely asking a woman out it might make you think for a second that these kind of things are just normal everyday life, it's how people meet, it's how friendships and relationships are formed.

Your views are so far from what I know any women in my real life would think it's almost laughable. Well it is laughable but you are entitled to your views, I can just imagine a lot of people would steer clear from you in real life.

you mean he had a chat with his coworkers and waited for you to leave so he could clear the table?

You are applying malice where there is no evidence of any. Why do you assume bad faith? Isn't more normal to assume good faith from a stranger who hasn't done anything harmful or aggressive to you?

I'm not an introvert so I don't know but I don't generally assume someone who has approached and expressed interest is doing a bet with others? why would they?

Yes it is inappropriate! I don't know why the OP is getting such a hard time here, with the usual lines trotted out like 'you sound like hard work' and 'you sound insufferable.' 🙄How rude!

The OP (and any woman actually,) should be able to have a meal with her adult daughter without being hit on. Especially by the waiter!!! For some women, being hit on is intrusive and irritating, and when it's something that happens often, and they've had to put up with for several decades, it gets tired and irksome. And it's particularly annoying and worrying when the man won't take no for an answer, or gets aggressive and nasty when you say no!

People just want to have their food and drink with their meal partner, and not be bothered and bugged by people, especially not the staff! A friendly hello for a minute yes, but nothing more... Some months back, I was eating a bowl of ice cream, and I had a coffee, and one of the staff members who noticed me park up had the same car as me, and she just kept talking about the fucking car(s) for the whole time I was there. I was trying to eat my ice cream and it was melting/running away, and my coffee went cool, because she kept talking, and expecting me to talk back. Feck off, I'm eating and drinking the food and drink I have paid for, and I want to be left alone!!!

Clearly some posters on this thread have never been hit on. And as for the 'some people moan they can't make friends, yet when someone tries to engage with them, they moan' comment. Are you actually kidding me right now?!!! What kind of ludicrous comment is THAT?! So, to make more friends, women should give their phone number to random men hitting on them in restaurants?!! WTF?!

@Turducken YANBU and have done nothing wrong! And yes I WOULD complain to the venue/the restaurant! Stop this man bothering other women!!! In the vast majority of work places, a man would get a disciplinary for hitting on the customers! FFS, I can't believe anyone thinks YABU!!!

It may have seemed a little inappropriate, but many people would have been flattered, you weren't and felt awkward, but no absolutely not do you really want to humiliate him and for him to face a disciplinary? Seems mean minded really.

It isn't stupid at all, it's exactly why I'd complain and let them know it has put me off coming back.

Women are socialised to blame themselves and then keep quiet about it or even worry about them losing their job. That isn't your problem and you are far from the only one who'd feel so uncomfortable they wouldn't go back.

I agree with you. If it happened to me I'd be mortified. The thought I'd be sitting their happily with my daughter/son minding our own business. Some waiter may have been observing me. It's not a nice thought.

As yes it's very unprofessional. It's a restaurant you were having a family meal at, not a pick up joint!

I'd either politely declined or put a wrong number!

If he were to face a disciplinary, the only person he'd have to blame is himself. If you don't want to face a disciplinary, don't do anything to risk facing one.

It isn't hard. He would've known it isn't allowed.

I didn't realise a lack of boundaries and self - respect was the norm now. Why not give your address next time?
Want to be an adult stop acting like a teenager.

HE was the one acting like a teenager, not the OP.

"Clearly some posters on this thread have never been hit on."

Ive been hit on.

I think op is being U.

his behaviour sounds inappropriate. The hanging round with the other waiters sounds laddish, I wonder if they were all doing this. I think you should neutrally say to the owner as flattered as you were you did not think it was appropriate, especially as you were there clearly with your daughter. Fairy certain the owner would take a dim view of this.

I take it he would have had to have run your card through a card reader too and seen your name? Doubly creepy. Actually, thinking about it, he should not be asking for your number after having accessed your bank card anyway.

He just asked for her number! 😂
She declined, all good, no harm done 👍

Yanbu op. I’m surprised by some of these responses.

Women should be allowed to go for a quiet meal without having a member of the staff hovering around and asking them for their number. It would have been very awkward.

“Messed up” and “bat shit crazy” views because I think it’s inappropriate and unprofessional for someone at work to ask a customer for their number. Oh dear, I am really cringing for you now.

And I mean, 2 people chatting and getting to know each other in a social setting, when neither are at work and on the job, is completely fine, of course it’s everyday life. Just not at work when professionalism is expected. Doesn’t matter if you’re a waiter, lawyer, doctor or bin man. If you’re at work, don’t ask your customer or client for their personal number. It’s nor difficult.

I’m glad we aren’t mates. In fact I’m thrilled. Because your views are also incredibly far from what I know. Imagine calling another woman “bat shit” over something like this, oh lord thanks for making me laugh on this grey Monday.

The bar is in HELL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm going to say that he wouldn't face a disciplinary. Seriously....

Did he "hover"?

It would depend on how attractive I found him (that’s the reality, hypocritical but true).

I do wonder how on earth people meet and date nowadays outside of OLD because a smile or a hello is seen as harassment. I’m glad my two met their partners at uni as it seems the only place you can ask someone on a date without the venue seeming inappropriate.

When he was supposed to be working, not hitting on women.