Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

Oh right, so it’s ok somewhere like Turkey when you’re on your holidays and only being eyed up for a one night shag. But in your hometown it’s unacceptable, even though there’s a possibility a first date might develop into something long term. Right …

If a man who was also a customer asked, it wouldn’t be a problem. But this was a member of staff, which means it’s not appropriate.

most of these roles have a duty of care and courier would know your home address.

so not the same.

Can’t see an issue with this at all. I once dated a man who worked in my local supermarket after he asked for my number one day when I went to checkout at his till… It was not the romance of the century and this was in my student days but you know, I really didn’t think twice about it being creepy or inappropriate and I don’t think the waiter was either. Just feel flattered really.

Could he have misread any signals?

Don't complain, be flattered for 10 mins, move on and don't give it another thought.

He clearly didn't think your daughter was your daughter... must have aged you about the same!
Take the compliment...

Also, we are upset people no longer communicate, that it's all apps and ai... he did something quite human. I like that.

As a pp has said, it was one adult asking another for a phone number at the end of your dinner as you're about to leave.

If he'd asked earlier on I would have a problem with that and think it inappropriate as it could be embarrassing.

I wouldn't report him.

He obviously fancied you and thought he'd take a chance.

Of course he did. The only reason why he came across OP is because she was at his workplace and he used OP requesting the bill as a chance to get her number.

Christ. I’m cringing for you.

but you've said that it might be fine if it was 'a group of girls on a night out.;
So the time and place were actually not a problem, the only difference (in your mind) between it being okay and not is the presence of one additional woman?

In which case, is it really fair to expect someone else to automatically be aware of this pretty random and bizarre distinction that is solely your opinion and other people might not agree with!

I would think you would be very unreasonable to complain to the restaurant, yes.

I'd invest in a rape alarm.

Complain about what? He didn’t harass you or put you on the spot. I get you weren’t flattered but so what

No it’s not victim blaming mentality because there is no victim here.

As I am for you, I hope you manage to get through the rest of your life with all these evil waiters around.

How old are you? 15?😂

You say he was friendly and perhaps over familiar. (Promise not ‘victim’ blaming, although I wouldn’t categorise you as a victim in this scenario as you’ve not been abused), but if the conversation was reciprocated then perhaps he felt like he could ask you for your number. Even if it was strictly ‘this is what I’m ordering, can I have a glass of wine’, and he somehow still felt drawn to you, all he did was ask for your number. You had a whole dinner experience without him harassing you, he asked alongside your bill so the time you had eating wasn’t spoilt, when he asked and you declined I am assuming he had his humble pie and left you to it, dint insist or make it uncomfortable. So I wouldn’t complain and make him lose his job (as that’s probably where the employer would take it) as he seemed pretty tactful. Also, you made a comment about not wanting anyone else in that position - for all you know you made such an impression on him that you’re the one and only he ever had the confidence to ask, and probably by being blown off he’s learnt his lesson.

But he didn’t ask your grown up DD’s number so it’s not every woman.

Even if it’s unprofessional at a minor level, it’s not such a big crime asking for your number to require complaining and him losing his job. But you are adamant, so do what you want to.

being offended for no reason is not and never will be "professional".

It also tells me you don't know how to deal with examples of people being truly unprofessional.

😂😂

You win!

How old are you to retort to such insults? 9

There's appropriate and inappropriate communication when you are working, especially in a customer facing role and asking for a customers personal number isn't appropriate because it can make someone such as OP feel uncomfortable and not want to come back.

I've been thinking about this and I really don't think I did. You may have just uncovered why I found it so uncomfortable though, and this will probably sound stupid, just I think it worried me that maybe I did accidentally do something that could be interpreted as flirtatious and it's making me rethink how I interact with people

I think he could have given you his number instead of asked for yours but it doesn't sound like he was pushy so I wouldn't complain.

You weren't uncomfortable because you are an introvert because that's not what introvert means. You may be an introvert and socially awkward but as an introvert I would have had no problem refusing the request.

So many “oh you must be exhausting” type comments. Exhausting for what? Feeling uncomfortable??

There’s nothing “flattering” about this. Like another poster commented, most women have countless examples of being asked (in neutral and non-neutral situations - like this one was) out for a date or for their personal details and then being verbally attacked for declining. So fucking forgive us if we find it hostile and threatening, it’s a learned behaviour.

I would hate this, it is so unprofessional. I don’t think I would complain though, mainly because I’ve learned that so many people (including women) think women have to put up with this. No one cares.

Oh and I met my husband through becoming friends and getting to know each other first. Much nicer.