Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

OP, what did your daughter say about it?

Don’t rise to it - this is the poster who claims never to have seen or touched her husband’s penis and that’s how she likes things 😂

I think it’s a bit odd. You didn’t get talking in a social setting as he was doing his job. Hence your surprise. I wouldn’t have appreciated it either.

What are you talking about? I think you have me confused with someone else

I was referring to the poster you quoted, who has some very strange ideas about men’s intentions, and
suggesting you didn’t rise to her baiting.

Ok, that makes more sense

There is a time and place for the opportunity to start asking for a phone number, this was not the time or place, trying to enjoy a meal with your DD.

Well, it made sense to begin with, had you read the quote thread. It was all there.

She thought it was out of order

Lighten up, what a compliment, people are people are people, you want to complain and get the guy into trouble?go you

Actually his approach was old fashioned. Nowadays it’s all online dating or sliding into people’s DMs….

OP take it as a compliment and I would not report him.

I understand why it made you uncomfortable but I also understand the he took his shot side of things. I do think if he was genuinely 'shooting his shot' it would've been more appropriate to give you his number as from your updates it sounds like whilst it could've been genuine it could also be taken as a competition between the waiters of how many numbers they could each get....

Oooooh, my bad

You really think he deserves to lose his livelihood and any chance of a good reference just because of that?

Let me ask you, have you ever seen 'An Inspector Calls'?

Should have given him your number, might have had a nice meal out
or if you wanted could have wound him up for his cheek, give him a local hospital or police station number 😏

Really? I wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist over that.

It's not appropriate. He's at work and you were a customer. (I can see edge cases for eg. someone who is a regular where he gives her his number rather than asking for hers after some weeks of interacting)

I'd write to the venue, maybe creating a pseudonynomous email address to make it harder for managers to pin it on the person who did it, explaining what happened in the hope of a general reminder being circulated. They might ignore if anonymous but if he's got a habit of doing this even an anonymous note will add useful info. That's arguably important because you've encountered the behaviour he thinks is ok at work, with lots of people around. Goodness knows what he thinks is ok in private.

I too would not be comfortable in the situation. There is a time and place for everything. Here, he should have been professional. I/t so disheartning to read that there are women here being nasty with you and making you doubt yourself, no wonder women are afraid to speak up! At the end of the day, he should have been professional. Differnet story if the both of you were customers.
This thread is quite similar to an incident this week, where my and my 10 year old daughter walked passed a takeaway establishment, where the men went to the window as we were walking passed and waved and shouted 'hi gorgeous'. I'm sure that many would have a different opinion on that scenario even though it is quite similar!

The same thing happened to me and I felt really awkward going back to the same place, it wasn't the fact that he asked for my number but it was the over friendliness when I was out eating with family, it made me feel uncomfortable.

Report him

the reason I considered complaining was because I didn't want other introverts to feel the way I did

You sound rather arrogant. I'm a sociable introvert and you don't speak for me.

I'd have been surprised, said "No thanks" and had a good internal laugh about it.

It's sad that we now live in a world where spontaneous actions are treated suspiciously.

I mean, going by posts about internet dating on here, it's dire.

But yea, hardly o.k. in a professional setting.

Please do not complain to management. You could totally fuck up his life if he gets sacked.

Speaking as a bloke (is that still allowed? Can I do that??), sometimes you can see someone who just, foe whatever reason, sweeps you away and you think, "God, I'd love to know her!
But what to do? I'm at work. Can I really miss this one opportunity?
You obviously have something about you which he found attractive. Doesn't someone finding you attractive make you feel even a little bit nice?
If he had made this approach in the middle of your meal then that would have been thoroughly insensitive. But he was thoughtful enough to wait until the end.
It's nerve wracking enough putting oneself in the path of rejection but a simple 'Thanks, but no thanks.' , spares both parties and I really think you could be a little more kind.

FFS 🙄 imagine being so uptight that someone finds you attractive and your first thought is to complain to his employer! If he had touched your arse, called you a MILF or called you frigid when you declined to give him your number then complain. If he was perfectly pleasant about your rejection then move on

Exactly I would just smile and ignore him
why would you complain ? That what ?

🙄