Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

100 million per cent this. I am literally gobsmacked at the amount of people - supposedly women - on here, who think the waiter did nothing wrong, and the OP should just get over it, suck it, up, be 'flattered' and stop whingeing. And this man had every right to hit on her, because how on earth are people meant to get together if random men don't hit on women at the drop of a hat, no matter how uncomfortable it might make her feel. 🙄

Women owe men NOTHING, and the OP has every right to be fucked off about this.

Seriously, I don't know one woman in real life who would have thought it was OK if this had happened to them - a random waiter wanting her number, when she was out having a meal with a family member. It's unprofessional and inappropriate. And as has been said, some women feel threatened and worried, because they know that some men get arsey and snippy and aggressive if they are rejected.

I have rejected men before with a polite 'no thank you I'm happily married,' and had responses ranging from a scowl and a sneer and the man going off in a huff, to being called a stuck up fucking ugly cunt, and telling me they feel sorry for my husband, as he must have been 'desperate' to marry me! The bloke was asking me out/hitting on me, so obviously fancied me, but when I said no, I was suddenly a 'fucking ugly cunt.' Also been called slag, bitch, frigid, and all sorts, and had men asking me who the fuck I think I am. Because how DARE I reject him?!

The amount of women on here normalising the male waiter's behaviour is terrifying. As I say, no woman I know in real life would think this is OK.

Ok ‘asked’. Point still strands though so ☺️

Why are you being such an arsehole Lanzarote?

I think in this day and age, he had some pluck asking you for your number. He threw caution to the wind and went against modern convention if a man afraid to approach a woman.

Yes course. They'd probably piss themselves laughing that one of the staff is making customers not want to return and damaging their reputation. Hilarious.

Yep. Loads of them get like this when rejected. I've actually had a random man throw something at me in a public place because I ignored his advances and I said stop, what are you doing? "You were ignoring me" is what he said. I then said I wasn't interested and he stopped off.

I've also heard stories from other people of a man taking a women's headphones out on public transport to try to chat to her, actually reaching into their hair and just taking the bud out. Another story of a man throwing his drink into the face of a woman who rejected him.

It's nuts. I've been rejected before, could be a million reasons why, no-one owes me anything so who cares?

One thing I tried which works is "I have the right to say no!" Trust me, this really does work and they will soon go away when they hear it.

i personally would be flattered that anyone would want my number and just move on...

I very much doubt that most women would refuse to return to a restaurant because a waiter had asked for their number. My friend and I used to go to a really nice restaurant a few years ago where one of the waiters asked me to go out with him every time we went. It didn’t stop us from going there because the restaurant was lovely, it was easy to park, and most importantly, the food was excellent. I just told the waiter I wasn’t any more interested in him than the previous times he’d asked me, and my friend and I got on with enjoying our meal. It really wasn’t a problem.

This is so over the top, clearly some people don't like it and some couldn't care less, everyone is different... Context is important, she didn't say he rude, if someone asked politely at the end of the meal and just accepted a no, I personally wouldn't have an issue, seems we live in a world today where people can't say or do anything without someone take offence.

They were a lorra lorra laughs.

Can't imagine it would have gone down well if the waiter had said "infact a quick wriggle would do".

On a serious note I agree he was well out of order he’s there to serve you not try to hit on you

Eh? Am I missing something? This was in reference to the tongue in cheek comment that the best way to meet people is to record a VHS profile…

Oh sorry I took it literally not thinking back to the reference! Probably because that ‘it’s not as if he plopped his penis on your plate’ comment keeps running around my head! I really should rewatch that episode…

I think, because he works there, it's completely inappropriate to ask for a dining customers phone number. It's not about behaving like a robot, it's about professionalism. I can't think of many professions where this would be okay.

However, I wouldn't complain to the venue.

All this 'you should be flattered' bollocks is absolutely demeaning.

Why should OP be flattered that a man she doesn't know, and hasn't indicated she's interested in, hand her a pen and ask for her number when she's having a meal with a family member. Fucking hell, raise your bar.

If he liked you, and got a vibe you were interested, I would say the very most he should do is pass over his number in case you fancied meeting up.

I mean, I would find that pretty cringe laden if I was having a nice meal. But at least it's not quite as overbearing.

I don't think I'd complain but I wouldn't like it. I wouldn't like any bloke to approach me in a restaurant. I'm there to enjoy the company of those on my table, or to have peace and quiet if I'm eating alone.

When did life get to this point of wanting to complain about stuff like this , take it as a compliment and move on !

This is one of the most boastful posts I've ever read lol. "I get hit on so much it gets tiresome." Get over yourself . I had my share of number requests over the years, there's barely one that didn't make my day - despite being happily married for most of them and politely declining.

Oh you're one of them, who see's every interaction with a member of the opposite sex ( or even the same sex ) as someone is hitting on you.

You weren't approached by a strange man.

Wasn't I? Oh right, because I thought a man I did not know, therefore a stranger, came up to me, which I would call 'an approach' but thank you for the clarification, it makes such a difference

The waiter did none of that. If he had then fair enough, report him, but he did nothing other than asking for a phone number, and presumably didn't react badly when the OP said no. Why are some people making such a big deal out of it?

You're determined to make more of this than it actually was, aren't you?