Waiter Asked for my Number

[Turducken]

Out for dinner with grown up daughter, at a fairly fancy restaurant, just the two of us. The waiter was friendly and perhaps a little over-familiar, but I didn't think anything of it, just assumed he was trying to be nice and/ or angling for a tip. However, when I asked for the bill, he brought it along with a pen and paper and asked for my number. I felt so awkward I couldn't get out of there quick enough and, although I tried to laugh it off, I'm still thinking about whether I should complain? On the one hand, am I overreacting because I'm very socially awkward, so others would be less bothered, or am I right in thinking it's inappropriate and I should say something, as it put a bit of a dampener on a pleasant evening?

I also think it’s unprofessional of him. I am surprised by the reactions here. I wouldn’t complain though.

Tbf I think most people think MN is a bit of a parody of itself now 🤣 id be surprised to learn anyone thinks its a serious site anymore

I don’t think the OP was being unreasonable; it would have made me feel quite uncomfortable as well. You’ve spent a couple of hours being polite and friendly to a waiter, based on the understanding that he’s providing you with a service and is being perfectly pleasant while he’s doing it. And then, all of a sudden, the axis has shifted and you’re faced with shutting him down completely or feeling obliged to say yes in case he thinks you’re being rude. And I wouldn’t have wanted to return in case he’d decided that I was a snotty cow and decided to spit in my drink. There’s a reason that management could view that a gross misconduct. It would be exactly the same if the OP had asked the waiter out; completely inappropriate.

Having said that, I probably wouldn’t report it to management. At most, I might send a generic email (assuming they didn’t already have my email address) that a male member of staff on an unspecified date and time had asked for my number and could they ask their staff not to do that as it had made you feel uncomfortable. He’s a dickhead and he’s done something inappropriate, but I don’t think it’s at the level where he deserves to lose his job over it and potentially be unable to pay his rent.

@Lanzarotelady MN is full of non events that mean more to the poster than the commenters. That’s essentially the definition of a chat forum. If people stopped posting non events, no fucker would be here. It doesn’t need to be worthy of a Hollyoaks episode before someone is allowed to discuss it.

They don't get any attention from any men despite their desperate efforts so they dream of one day being picked.

You do realise that is how the population continues don't you, random men and women chat, fancy each other flirt, have sex, have babies and lo and behold the cycle continues.

I certainly don't think that every man fancies me, I don't think every man is a rapist, I am proud of the fact that a man asking me for my number is a non event and certainly not something of a mumsnet thread.

@Turducken Please answer us this - how old are you and how old was said waiter?

@WilfredsPies point taken

Loving the work by the "what a misogynistic twat and anyone who disagrees is a hag" posters 👏👏🎣

Bit obvious but still entertaining

What a sweetie you are 🤣🤣🤣. I can assure you that, whilst I might be old, I’m certainly not a toad. If I’m out without my husband I occasionally get asked out by men I don’t know, even at my advanced age. But Unlike some of the people on here, I don’t have an attack of the vapours because someone has had the temerity to approach me, but say ‘no thank you, I’m married’ with a polite smile. And although I have been happily married for longer than many of the posters on Mumsnet have been alive and would never consider cheating, it still makes me feel good about myself if someone asks me for my number or to go for a drink.

Why should she "have her guard up"? A guy asked her for her phone number. She declined. End of story. Why are people making such a big deal out of something so minor and irrelevant?

I'm late 40s and I would guess he was maybe the same, give or take a few years either way. I'm not good at guessing ages, sorry, but he wasn't obviously much older or younger

Can I get your number is like saying 'I want to stick my willy in you. Yes or no?' because they know literally nothing about you other than what you look like. If you're friends first as a consequence of having hobbies and interests and you gradually become attracted to one another based on mutual activities/friendship it is totally different and you know it.

For those saying it’s not a big deal, why do you think he would be sacked if op complained about him?

@Dandelionsarepretty. Of course not. His employer would probably pretend to take the OP’s complaint seriously while struggling to keep a straight face.

You are ignoring the context, it's not just a random case of a man asking for a woman's number in a neutral situation. The waiter's role in this scenario is to ensure the customer has a pleasant meal and that she has everything she needs. She's not there for his entertainment or to serve him in any way. This small incident is symbolic of one of the major problems women have which is dealing with the entitlement of a large number of sexist men who assume that women exist for their pleasure rather than respecting us as humans equal to them.

Ah, I miss a good ol' dating show. Fun times 🤣.

This is such a reach. What do you make of a waitress giving a male customer her number?

He wouldn't be sacked. The manager would just say, don't ask people out when you're working. That'd be it.

I'm cringing for you. 😬You'd be 'well chuffed' with being asked! You should try being a woman who is hit on on a regular basis, it gets tiresome and irritating, and as has been said, some men get arsey and aggressive when they're rejected. It's intimidating and irksome to have men slathering over you, and hitting on you. Most men assume every woman will fall at their feet if they ask them out, and comments (from women) like 'I would be well chuffed' don't help!

And so what if the man the OP had to tolerate gets embarrassed at having a disciplinary? He deserves to be. I wouldn't give a shiny shite if someone got a disciplinary, if they deserved it. And this male staff member does.

I would say similar, in that she was being very unprofessional and overstepping but as we live in a patriarchal society and have a big problem with DV it's more loaded when done by a male.

I LOVE THIS POST. WELL DONE FOR WRITING IT. 💞

Yes, I agree, thank you for explaining it so well, I wish I was this eloquent!

So.
What are you going to do?

“I can’t see you obviously, but I bet you’ve all got smashing blouses on!*

*anyone else remember that episode of
Bottom?